UK Has Put On The Wrong Trousers

Britain’s opposition political party is, at the moment, The Labour Party. They are the one’s who held power for over a decade with Tony B-liar at the helm.

On their initial election to power we, the people, thought “Hello – we’ve a chap in charge who says ‘call me Tony’ and ‘trust me I’m one of you’ so we did.

Oops.

Still, we thought much the same about John Major who was elected on the crest of the Thatcher wave so, clearly, we are pretty stupid in Britain in political terms aren’t we?

Labour, ostensibly the ‘left’ in British political terms, now have a strange looking and talking chap called Ed Milliband vying to be our next Prime Minister. He has a problem.

He is the human embodiment of Gromit – of ‘Wallace and Gromit’ fame. If you have no idea what the hell I’m on about – like I do? – then Youtube ‘Wallace and Gromit’ and you’ll get the picture, or simply watch the video show at the end of this contribution.

If that wasn’t enough of a problem for the poor soul he has appointed as his ‘deputy’ a chap called Ed Balls.

Now, I’m sorry, but if you are a politician with genuine aspirations of becoming Prime Minister you do not select a man with the surname ‘Balls’ to be your co-runner and deputy do you?

“What do you think of the comments by the prospective Deputy Prime Minister should Labour be elected Mr or Mrs electorate?”

“BALLS!” – not really rocket science is it?

I have, for the first and almost certainly last time in my life, joined a political party. It’s called UKIP – The United Kingdom Independence Party.

UKIP want an immediate national referendum on whether Britain should continue to be a member of ‘The European Union’ and they also want, amongst other things, a complete closure of our borders to prevent Romanian and Bulgarian beggars entering our country – a wee bit late chaps as we already have Romanian beggars setting up tents in Hyde Park in the centre of London but the thought’s there eh?

By becoming a member of UKIP, according to Britain’s ‘left’ I am now a ‘racist, xenophobic Islamophobe and generally a ‘Little Englander’ who should be treated as a dinosaur and ignored.

Fine.

My alternatives are to support, politically speaking, The Conservatives who are clearly run by ‘posh boys’ who are trying to bribe us to vote for them by promising a ‘European IN/OUT vote’ if they are elected to government next time which equals ‘let’s con and bribe the electorate’ – (actually if the daft buggers gave us the vote now we might actually elect them at the next General Election but what do I know eh?)

The Labour Party who, according to one of B-liars men – and I use ‘men’ advisedly – Peter Mandelson has publically admitted that Labour during their 10 year tenure scoured the globe to bring in immigrants that would vote ‘Labour’ – thank you for turning my home town into ‘downtown Mogadishu’ chaps – I really appreciate that – who are also a political party with a leader who is so like Gromit I would like to like him but, despite the similarity, he clearly isn’t Gromit.

The Liberal Democrats who are seriously unhinged – which, in a strange way perhaps, should attract me but doesn’t.

Who else have we got?

The British National Party who are trying desperately to not be Hitler’s British legacy – and, fair do’s, they are making progress in that sort of vein. Well, vaguely. They have a one eyed leader who insists they aren’t racist anymore. mmmmm – doubting Thomas that I am.

The Communist Party – why have I even bothered mentioning them? Too much voddy, clearly.

The Green Party – now we mustn’t forget them! If you can’t have a laugh at politics then what’s the point??

Anyroad. I’ve stuck my banner to UKIP. They aren’t ‘anti-immigration’ they’re ‘pro-controlled immigration’ i.e.  you have skills we need then welcome, you have no skills then bugger off. That’s MY kind of policy.

So there yer go. Great Britain. The land of milk and honey. The land where you can pop over from Somalia and claim benefits just because you’re here. The land where you can get paid money for doing absolutely nothing other than going to your Friday prayers.

It’s not everyday that an entire country inadvertently pulls on the wrong trousers is it? I’d sleep better if I believed it was inadvertent but it wasn’t. It was a political plan by Labour to secure a larger voting base. The result turned out to be Pakistan replacing Birmingham.

Thanks guys. Thanks Ed (Gromit) Milliband.

Thanks a bloody lot.

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