The Continuing Adventures Of Billy No Mates: What’s New Pussycat?
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Billy No Mates is in love. He is in love with Purrrdy. He is also in love with Marie Bug. He is also in love with Gracie May The Fruit Bat. I am happy to report that he is not in love, as far as I can ascertain, with Maximus Spittimus or The Stealth Bomber. In love he may be but it appears, gay he isn’t.
Billy No Mates had some sexual adventures prior to being given to us. Although we had him neutered he continues to behave like he was never neutered. This is normal behaviour for a cat – a TOM cat with previous so to speak.
I am, clearly, not a Veterinary Scientist but I know what I know and see what I see.
Billy No Mates is hell bent on shagging every female cat he sees and, as he regularly sees Purrrdy, Marie Bug and Gracie May The Fruit Bat he generally spends his time trying to shag them.
Marie Bug and Gracie May The Fruit Bat tend to hit him around the head and run away. Purrrdy on the other hand is clearly a diva who adores being adored and, frankly, encourages Billy No Mates.
As a result it is clear to see that Billy No Mates is resolutely in love with Purrrdy.
Someone once told me that cats are solitary creatures and feel no affection what so ever. Cats are merely cats and they are not worth worrying about because they don’t worry about anything or anyone.
For the record.
Not only is Billy No Mates clearly ‘in love’ in a feline way with Purrrdy he also sleeps close to and, occasionally, on my head. He licks my nose – sometimes missing my nose and, possibly inadvertently, licks my lips – which results in me getting out of bed at 4 a.m. to brush my teeth again – but, ultimately, anyone who believes cats are so self centred that they really don’t care is living in cloud cuckoo land.
As long as Billy No Mates is fed and watered and allowed to lick my face during the night – and, obviously, fire ‘blanks’ into Purrrdy, he is a happy cat. Billy No Mates cares.
Not necessarily about us or Maximus Spittimus or The Stealth Bomber – nor not, necessarily about Marie Bug or Gracie May The Fruit Bat who both rejected his advances but he cares.
Billy No Mates cares about being fed and watered and having a safe haven to live in. He cares about being allowed to sleep on our bed and lick my face (obviously he isn’t entirely all there eh?) and he cares about cat shagging Purrrdy who simply adores him.
I almost wish he wasn’t firing blanks – Billy No Mates and Purrrdy would have had beautiful kitties!
Oh well. They have a safe place to be so that’s what counts.
I need more tooth paste. PFFFT!
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Get him a stuffed animal for humping and this will help him. I did that for mine and he is all happy. I trade them out so he thinks he is getting it on with different things. hey, they need variety in the kitty sexytimes too you know.
He’s doing enough ‘stuffing’ all by himself. If we got him a ‘humping’ thing he’d probably shag himself to death within a week. At least Purrrdy can run off if she’s not in the mood!!
Incidentally, The Emporer Maximus Spittimus is extraordinarily jealous of Billy No Mates has his own efforts at publication were rejected.
That’ll teach the cocky little bleeder to try typing his own stuff eh? 😉
Well then, he’ll be tired out from all the humping he is doing and will leave the others alone.
Norman you love your kitties, and that makes you A OK in my book. I have 10 of the little buggers.
Ha Ha Ha. My gun isn’t loaded either but it still fires.
Speaking as one who has been “firing blanks” for over 30 years, I can state (after extensive field testing) it makes no difference at all to the “gun”.
What I have noticed is there seems to be fewer short people running around my house since then. Do you think there might be a connection?
LOL, James. I’ve got 5 cats(yeah we added 2 more rescues) and a dog to take the place of the little human shorties that should be here. I am of the opinion hubby’s gun is fine, it is the target that is all weird he is shooting at 😉 We are actually coming to the conclusion, being child free is really not a bad life. Can up and go when we please and don’t have to pack for an extended Himalayan excursion when we do want to go anywhere.
Our problem is who to look after the “boys” (Kiko and Charlie) when we want to go somewhere. Separation anxiety is a problem, too. We worry about them when we’re gone for a few days.
My aunt and her wife do that for us. I don’t worry since I know my aunts will treat them like they do their own.
Unfortunately, we don’t have anyone here that reliable.
Good luck Billy!