Chris Christie should have listened to me

christie and taft

As a student of politics since the tender age of 13 I’ve noticed, in the words of Yogi Berra, that you can observe a lot by watching.  This experience has served my republican party well when they’ve listened to me.  Sadly, Governor Christie refused to listen and now he’s in a world of shit.

You see, very few can get away with lying and of course the Governor was lying when he said he knew nothing about the bridge closing.  I was actually proud of him as a republican for sticking it to that candy assed mayor for not complying when his Lt. Governor told her to support the governor’s development project.

When the shit started hitting the fan, and had Christie used some good sense, he would have called me for advice.  I would have said “Look Tubby. You can’t just lie your way out of this and blame someone who will take the fall like a good soldier as Scooter Libby did. You need a good excuse.  Look what happened to Nixon and the whole Watergate mess.  Had Nixon told the “truth” and said “hell yeah I ordered the break in. I thought commies were involved”  he would have been labled a hero for fighting liberal commies.  He would have enjoyed the rest of his term in comfort knowing that real Americans loved him for sticking it to the commies.

Christie could have told the truth without a good excuse as Mayor Daly would have. When asked about the bridge closing Tubby could have simply said “If they don’t like it, they can kiss my ass”.  Christie’s standing amongst everyone who hates stuff (typical republican like me, as well as most religious zealots and easily duped fools who think Obama will soon be knocking on their doors to take their guns and brainwash their womenfolk into dating black guys) would have skyrocketed.  Any lie or misdeed is acceptable as long as it’s done to screw a liberal.

Sadly Chris Christie is no Ronald Reagan. Only Reagan could lie his ass off and still be beloved. Amazing how much ignorance we republicans can tolerate as long as we’re told the bullshit we want to hear.  Some would say the same about Bill Clinton but if you pay attention, republicans never apologize for Iran-Contra or allowing the slimy Oliver North to have all the power and influence he did.  But bring up Monica Lewinsky and democrats trip all over themselves apologizing for Clinton’s human foibles and weakness.

Unfortunately Tubby didn’t call me for advice and soon the truth will come out. He will finish his term as New Jersey governor but will fade into obscurity on the national level.  He won’t even rate a guest analyst job with Fox News because he’s been exposed as the weak kneed twerp he really is.  Much like former RNC Chairman Michael Steele.

Chris Christie has had his day in the sun.  We republicans  needed a fat guy as our face for awhile anyway to show our “tolerance” for the weight challenged.  We’ll parade out Marco Rubio or Bobby Jindal, and a couple female representatives from time to time to show our diversity so Christie has served his purpose to our cause.  We’ll end up with the usual rich white guy as our nominee in 2016 but in a sad way it’s too bad Christie didn’t seek my advice before his ultimate implosion.  Taft was a fat republican, the kind we think about when thinking about republicans and it would have been a grand bit of nostalgia to have another one leading our ticket.

Sigh.  If only Tubby would have listened.

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Posted by on February 2, 2014. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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11 Responses to Chris Christie should have listened to me

  1. Norman Rampart Reply

    February 2, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    There is a touch of genius in your writings Joe – or perhaps you’re just ‘touched’? 😉

    Big lad this Christie. Over here in Blighty we’d call him ‘Fat Boy’ but we aren’t very good at political correctness really….(and before I’m accused of fatism I’m no slim Jim myself!)

    Pleasantly rotund…that’s me

    • Joe Hagstrom Reply

      February 2, 2014 at 6:57 pm

      I’m glad you’re a Brit and not a Frenchy Norman. Our rules demand we hate the French and I wouldn’t be allowed to read your articles.

  2. Jess Reply

    February 2, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    Joe, I am so very sorry you are hurting. My eyes did water up a little bit when I started thinking about the 2016 election without Mr Creosote in it. Oh and if you could point me to where I can date the black guy Obama says we all must date. My preference is Denzel Wahsington. If he is not available I am open to Michael Ealy, Don Cheadle, Idris Elba, Michael B Jordan. thanks in advance

    • Joe Hagstrom Reply

      February 2, 2014 at 6:56 pm

      I was at a republican meeting a couple days ago Jess. We’ve found our old pictures of Willie Horton. We plan on bringing them out as examples of Obama matchmaking for white women.

      This would make a great post. Shame I wasted it in the comment section. Enjoy your date Jess.

  3. Bill Formby Reply

    February 2, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Well Joe, I guess you guys will end up with Scott Walker after all.

    • Jess Reply

      February 2, 2014 at 2:14 pm

      Nah Bill, he is also up to his eyeballs in corruption and seeing how the John Doe investigation is starting to reach his ass won’t be long till he is a goner too.

    • Joe Hagstrom Reply

      February 2, 2014 at 6:58 pm

      If I had to guess, which I think I did a while back, I still would say Jeb Bush.

      • Michael John Scott Reply

        February 2, 2014 at 8:49 pm

        I would wager that Jeb Bush is going to run in 2016.

        • Bill Formby Reply

          February 2, 2014 at 11:52 pm

          He may be the Republican that has a half of a chance but can he survive the primaries?

          • Michael John Scott Reply

            February 3, 2014 at 12:03 am

            I think he’ll be able to survive the primaries. Then again, he’s a moderate, and Republicans are looking for crazies.

  4. Michael John Scott Reply

    February 2, 2014 at 5:34 pm

    No worries Joe. No one listens to me either 🙂

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