The (Dis)United Kingdom-Saying Goodbye to Scotland?


Alex Salmond of the SNP (Scottish National Party) is campaigning for an independent Scotland. Another way of putting it would be that he is campaigning for the destruction of Scotland as we know it (assuming you do of course).

Scotland, for the geographically uninitiated, is the pointy bit at the top of Britain. Some Scots are fed up with being governed by our parliament in London (aren’t we all?) and think they could rub along far better if they became a separate and independent country.

Alex Salmond is at the forefront of desiring this although even he saw the folly of not retaining the British pound.

Some Canadian chap called Carney is now the head honcho at The Bank of England and, whilst being apolitical, has gloriously spiked the Scottish Independence brigades guns by stating that – and I’m using my own interpretation here – ‘there isn’t a snowballs chance in hell that Scotland can keep the pound unless they accede monetary independence back to England’ (well the remaining UK which includes Wales and Northern Ireland but they don’t really count unless you include sheep and sectarian marches)

So there you have it Alex and co. You can have your independence as long as you let London hold your purse strings thereby letting the British parliament run the show.

Is it just me or isn’t that what’s happening now?

Look Scotland. You can keep your haggis and your porridge and your kilts and your Australian Braveheart and your Highland cattle but you aren’t messing with the UK – OK? North Sea Oil is ‘ours’ and will never be accepted as ‘your’s so you can forget that little wheeze here and now.

Actually I’ve always had a soft spot for the Scots. They’re always the ‘underdogs’ really.

They get precious little support from the British government, they rarely win anything in sport unless you include caber tossing, they’re far enough north for it to be bloody cold more often than not, they have unintelligible accents, Gordon Brown is Scottish and they are often the butt of English jokes – usually awful ones.

What’s the difference between a rich Scotsman, a poor Scotsman and a dead Scotsman?

A rich Scotsman has a canopy over his bed, a poor Scotsman has a can-o-pee under his bed and a dead Scotsman can-a-pee at all – boom boom!

Personally I would miss the Scots if they departed from the UK. After all, any nation that considers a deep fried chocolate and caramel Mars bar a delicacy has to be worth keeping don’t you think?

Itsa brau brict nict tonict” (or something like that) means “It’s a little chilly this evening”

Marvellous stuff.

“OI!! SEE YOOO JIMMY!!!” (I’ve absolutely no idea but I believe the sentence normally ends in what is quaintly referred to as a ‘Glasgow kiss’ otherwise known as a head butt).

Stay with us Scotland. We’ll never understand you in a million years but we would miss you.

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Posted by on February 5, 2014. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
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5 Responses to The (Dis)United Kingdom-Saying Goodbye to Scotland?

  1. E.A. Blair

    February 5, 2014 at 2:19 am

    The Scots are responsible for three of the silliest games in sports – golf, curling and tossing the caber.

    Jedi Knights are Scots, too – they fight with light cabers.

  2. James Smith

    February 5, 2014 at 5:56 am

    My own Scots ancestors would likely be appalled that the country had ever accepted being part of the UK.

    On the other hand, being practical sorts, they would probably accept it and look for a way to profit from it while still being able to complain bitterly about the “British Brutality”.

  3. Jess

    February 5, 2014 at 7:31 am

    So how can North Sea oil possibly belong to the English when it’s nowhere near England? Is that because they took it when Margaret Thatcher was the head of the government there and said screw you Scottish people, we’re putting a flag here so this belongs to us now and you can just fight us for it later or what?

    • Michael John Scott

      February 5, 2014 at 11:41 am

      LOL. Good question Jess. You know your geography although I thought the North Sea was off the East Coast of the British Isles?:-) I could be wrong. It does happen from time to time 🙂

      • Jess

        February 5, 2014 at 1:31 pm

        Scotland has more of it since it comes up on the east coast of England and around the Orkney islands to the west of Scotland it goes down the east of England and turns into the channel to France and the rest of Europe.. supposedly some bigwig from BP said all hell will break loose if Scotland separates itself from the UK. I think it’s because that oil money would go to the Scottish people myself and they want to be all greedy and keep what isn’t theirs to begin with. I may be biased because I listen to my gf talk bad about England and for her love of her little country.