Study: Gluten Not Causing General Digestive Distress

As we move farther and farther in to the realm of processed foods, we must nurture our “gut biome.” Much of what ails us as “first world problems” has to do with our attempts to sanitize the world to the point that no other organisms can invade our habitat. Anti-microbial has become a curse. Clean is good. Not living with our own sewage is good. Sanitized is unhealthy overkill.

The food demands of the world probably justify the mechanization and mass production of food and the preparation of foods for long shelf lives. As much as I agree with the “eat natural, local, in season … and all that other stuff” movements, the fact is that the whole world simply can’t do that. There’s not enough of “that” stuff to go around, and the evolution of lifestyles has made the daily chore of “fresh” food preparation too demanding….especially on households that have single parents or two working parents. The “natural” et al food movements have become somewhat religious in their fervor, and they can be quite demanding on the time of individuals who are already strapped for time.

So, enough rationalization and excuse-making. But the fact remains that the crap we eat isn’t going anywhere. It won’t go away. It’s likely to increase.

As foods are stripped of many nutrients, and as they are manipulated to give a Twinkie or Oreo a 300 year shelf life, we need to be cognizant of the fact that key elements of natural foods…including those that promote spoilage…may become vital supplements to our diet. To that end, we see lots of “pro-biotics” that pledge to aid digestion. Some actually do a very good job. In desperate cases, believe it or not, there is a highly effective procedure called a fecal transplant. Need I describe???

As I became a crumbling curmudgeon (GET OFF MY LAWN!!), I took up a daily dose of halfway decent Greek yogurt as my recipe for digestive nirvana. None of that “pro-biotic” formula stuff that tasted bad enough that I wouldn’t eat it, mind you. Just some good old Dannon or Chobani (or whatever’s on sale…) Low and behold, it works like a charm. The transformation was borderline miraculous.

So, what’s behind all of this “gluten” nonsense? Credit where credit’s due…some people DO have gluten intolerance. But, well…do I have to tell you? As with any “self-help” phenomenon, from weight-loss crazes to get-rich-quick schemes, the “health food” field is rife with charlatans eager to sell you snake oil. Just because these hucksters are selling nut and twigs and professing to be one with the universe, that doesn’t mean they aren’t P.T. Barnum in disguise. The most vulnerable people are people who are desperate for a cure. They are the ones who’ll give their money to Oral Roberts and let him “lay hands on” them in expectation of a Sunday Morning TV Show “miracle”.

So, if you want to “eat like a cave man” or adopt some similar quasi religion, go right ahead. The plan might even have some merit. But if you’re like most of the rest of the world, and if you want to continue the process of evolution rather than reverting to primordial soup…not as a main course but as a way of existing…don’t fall for every stupid trend that comes along and just try to use your noggin for something other than a place to absorb tweets, posts, instagram photos, and Netflix reruns.

On the other hand, I might launch a website, blog, TV show, studio, healing center, and an institute promoting the healthful benefits of a little yogurt now and then. I could build a Crystal Cathedral for pro-biotics, and I could seek donations from little old ladies who have uncomfortable gas.

Or I just might keep buying a 4-pack at King Soopers now and then and let someone else become the next Oral Roberts of beneficial pro-biotics. I don’t have the inclination to “go to hell” for being a snake oil salesman.

Gluten-free: Bah, humbug! What’s next? Red foods only? Wait…there’s an idea…