Religions Of The World Part II – Catholicism

Read Time:4 Minute, 30 Second

When I was a young chap an extraordinary number of my girlfriends turned out to be Catholic. I can only suppose there were a lot of Catholics where I lived but, never having been interested in religion, it wasn’t something that concerned me anyway. Getting to the various ‘bases’ a young man wants to get too never seemed an issue so I don’t think their Catholicism made any difference to them either.

Vatican City-Seat of the Holy Roman Catholic Church
Vatican City: home of the Catholic Church

My grandfather on the other hand was not amused. I have no idea why but he had no time what so ever for Catholics. He always referred to them as ‘left leggers’ which meant nothing to me then and still doesn’t. Perhaps I should Google it. Hang on a second while I do.

Oh! That’s curious. Apparently if a Catholic altar boy kneels on only his left knee, priests would scold him. They say that Catholics kneel on their right knee, and Protestants kneel on their left knee. Those familiar with this explanation sometimes call Protestants left-leggers.

How odd. I wonder why my grandfather referred to Catholics as ‘left-leggers’ then? Still, he was a Yorkshireman which may explain a lot.

Catholicism is merely another form of Christianity but even given the oddities within Christianity, Catholicism is particularly odd if you ask me. I know you didn’t ask me but when did that ever stop me eh?

Catholics believe very firmly in ‘the virgin birth’ which, before you look any further, immediately puts them in the category of being a sandwich short of a picnic. Catholic priests are supposed to be celibate and not partake in ‘the pleasures of the flesh’ with women – and you have to admit, hundreds of priests have been very good at not partaking with women – mainly because there were so many alter boys around eh?

Some chap known as ‘The Pope’ is the head honcho of the Catholics. Invariably The Pope is a very old chap – quite possibly dead, it’s hard to tell sometimes. Recently I seem to recall, he decided to ‘excommunicate’ the entire Mafia because he thought they weren’t very nice really which only goes to show how ‘on the ball’ the old boy actually is.

Now and again The Pope wanders off on a world tour although I’ve never quite understood what that’s all about. Some old chap in his ‘Pope mobile’ waving to thousands of demented people who turn out to see him. There was one occasion when they inadvertently let someone sane into the crowd and he shot the Pope. Now that was much more fun!

Catholics even have their own little country in Italy called The Vatican City. I know this because Tom Hanks made a movie about it called The Da Vinci Code. I watched it but had no idea what was going on and fell asleep about half way through – much like the Pope seems to do half way through his waving stuff on that balcony.

The Vatican City is protected by Swiss Guards who dress very oddly and appear to be wearing some form of skirt – possibly to appear slightly woman like to put off all the gay priests perhaps? It’s said that going up to a Swiss Guard and kissing him is good luck. Really? Well if kissing some chap in a skirt gives you good luck I’ll stay unlucky thank you very much.

An old pal of mine became a Priest. We told him it was only because he couldn’t get a girl – which he strenuously denied. Four years later he met a girl and stopped being a Priest. She left him after two years so he went back to being a Priest. The last time I saw him was in the newspapers concerning worrying things about alter boys which suggests he probably was destined for the Priesthood after all.

“Kathy McGuire!” huffed my grandfather, “damn left leggers! keep her up in the bedroom!” – A bit strange really that he hated them so much he wanted me to keep her exactly where I wanted to keep her 😉

“Theresa O’Brien! Can’t you find a decent girl?” he raved on another occasion.

He was placated when I brought Maureen Mellett home.

“Oh well. American! Still, better than the last lot of left leggers!”

He was considerably less placated when he discovered she was Irish-American Catholic.

Perhaps he was just worried that a few virgin births might happen in his house? I could have assured him that none of them would have qualified for that – he only had to ask.

The Catholic Church is extraordinarily wealthy. An odd contradiction for a faith that believes the meek shall inherit the Earth. You don’t tend to find many meek millionaires do you? Millions of Catholics live in poverty across the globe whilst the Catholic Church revels in it’s wealth. Remarkable really how much Catholicism actually has in common with pretty much any other religion really.

Hypocrisy. That’s pretty much what religion really means. After all, you spend you life praying to your deity, you shuffle off this mortal coil and the bastards don’t even supply a bar! A bit much that isn’t it? Especially if you’re a Catholic priest. Personally I can’t remember ever meeting a sober one. Not surprised really. All that hemmed in testosterone isn’t healthy for a chap.

About Post Author

Neil Bamforth

I am English first, British second and never ever European. I have supported Oldham Athletic FC for 50 years which has made me immune from depression. My taste buds have died due to too many red hot curries so I drink Kronenburg beer and milk - sometimes in the same glass. I have a wife, daughter, 9 cats and I like toast.
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %
0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of

25 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Admin
9 years ago

My friends this ends now. Once before members of our “family” got into a shooting match in the comments section and I lost two good friends over it. That isn’t going to happen again. Both parties have had their say, and it’s clear they are both at odds, and that’s fine. It happens. But I don’t like to see insults thrown and as this gets hotter the more will be thrown. So, please, cease and desist the back and forth Penny and James. Please. Enough has been said. Thank you. 🙂 🙂

Reply to  Professor Mike
9 years ago

Well said old bean.

9 years ago

Bloody hell! I need a cold Bud or three 😉

9 years ago

Gordon Bennett! I’ve started some’at here! 😉

9 years ago

Not only highly amusing but deadly accurate.

I have often said, perhaps to often, that “religious” and “hypocrite” have become semantically equal.

I’ve been accused of “picking on” christians. It’s true I do focus on them as they are the ones with whom I have the most experience. Still, I have slagged Muslims, Hindus, Scientologists, and every other wacko cult that provided the least opportunity. If I haven’t gotten to your particular “faith,” be patent, your turn will come.

Speaking of faith, here’s my definition. “Faith is accepting as true that for which there’s no supporting evidence and maybe even much evidence against it.” How smart is that? “Beliefs” fall under the same definition.

You can see why I fee that all religious people have to be in the grip of willful ignorance and must maintain a stubborn stupidity to stay there.

Pennyjane Hanson
Reply to  James Smith
9 years ago

what i find willfully ignorant to the point of utter stupidity is the free exercise of obtuse bigotry. you haven’t had the same experiences in life that i have, you don’t have the faintest idea of what informs my belief…..you say there is no “supporting evidence’…that’s from your perspective….mine is entirely different.

your ignorant and bigoted judgment of me is no different at all than the ignorant and bigoted judgments you accuse christians of….if you want to see the worst of christianity….just look in the mirror.

there is really nothing uglier than some ignorant and arrogant jerk running off at his mouth about something he knows absolutely nothing about.

have fun in your ugly little world of ignorance and bigotry

Reply to  Pennyjane Hanson
9 years ago

James is a good egg PJ and I know he will be mortified he’s upset you. I guarantee he didn’t intend to.

You are, as always, quite right – can’t you be wrong for once?? 😉

As I said to ol’ Jimbo I have many friends with ‘faith’ of one kind or another and, without exception, they are kind and decent people.

It is never a persons ‘faith’ that is a problem, only those idiots, perverts and extremists who use a warped faith for evil ends.

The vast majority of those with ‘faith’ are good people.

I’m bemused by their faith but I always respect it so don’t be cross at our James….sometimes I speak before I think too xx

Reply to  Norman Rampart
9 years ago

Thank you for the vote of confidence, Norm. My gay relative is actually very religious. He’s been the musical director at his church for almost 40 years.

I know that may sound odd for someone that is openly gay and has been for many years. But it only shows that there are christians that are open and tolerant of others. In his case maybe an entire church full of them.

Reply to  James Smith
9 years ago

Pleasure old bean…mind you…if my Part II does this God – or the deity of your choice – knows what will be happening by Part VI 😉

Reply to  Norman Rampart
9 years ago

Let’s be far here. There could be issues for PJ about which none of us are even slightly aware. As she said, I do not really know her life experience although I might have an idea of some of it.

But when I see such defensive over-reaction, I have to consider that there can be other factors at work. After all, I think most of us have unloaded on someone because of stresses for which they were not responsible, but they were standing in the wrong place when the shotgun went off. Sort of like Dick Cheney’s lawyer, right? I doubt that Dickie meant to shoot him, he was just handy. 😉

Reply to  Pennyjane Hanson
9 years ago

First, you have no idea what my experiences in life have been. Nor have I yours. I have known transgendered and gay people as well as other minorities so I do have some concept of their lives, though.

“Obtuse bigotry?” You know nothing of me and you try to slander me with that label? That’s unworthy of you.

When I say there is “no supporting evidence,” I am basing that upon over 50 years of research and reading what people of faith have to say as well as what people of no faith say.

Hat is your perspective? I have frequently said, “Shown undeniable proof, I would change my position on anything including religion.” What would it take to change yours?

Again with the slander. “am far from “ignorant and bigoted”. If I were, would I make the previous statement?

Not being a christian, looking in the mirror would not tell me anything about them. That’s a sly little way of furthering insults. Again, that’s unworthy of a person that I assume has been the victim of the same bigotry, ignorance, and insults that I have seen my LGBT friends experience.

Arrogant? what is more arrogant than making assumptions and insults to someone you do not know and has been a friend to many that are insulted and discriminated against because they were being honest and open to their nature.

My world is not ugly not of ignorance and bigotry. I’m sorry about yours.

Reply to  James Smith
9 years ago

Calm down peeps! You had no intention what so ever of upsetting PJ James – we all know that. You are a good and decent chap as I’ve learned in my time at MMA but sometimes I’ve overstepped the mark big time and not meant to – waaaay further than you ever could as Mike could tell you.

Let’s all calm down a bit and have a giggle at Catholicism eh peeps?

Love n hugs from England x

Reply to  James Smith
9 years ago

I don’t agree that “all” religious people are in the grip of willful ignorance. Even as an atheist I believe people have the right to believe what they wish, for their own reasons, and I don’t need to understand them. I do, however, dislike fanaticism in any form, and that includes those religious who seek to recruit me into the “Army of the Lord.” Believe what you like, but don’t try to make me believe. Peace 🙂

Pennyjane Hanson
Reply to  Professor Mike
9 years ago

thank you mike….for adding just a little common sense, and i might add…decency. anybody so full of themselves that they can judge everybody who doesn’t think just like they do as inherently insane of stupid is what makes a bigot. to mock all of everybody based on the actions of some shows a distinct lack of intelligence and even less in the way of wisdom….along with a degraded character.

i know more than just a few atheists who are every bit as ignorant and bigoted as james is….that don’t make all atheists stupid, ignorant and arrogant just like him…atheism hasn’t made him a jerk, he would be just as big a jerk if he were christian to the bone.

it’s narrow minded, asinine little creatures who run around judging harshly everything that isn’t just like them that make the world ugly….not religion or lack thereof.

half way intelligent people know better than to blame the paradigm for the idiots who mis-state it.

Reply to  Pennyjane Hanson
9 years ago

Hey! Someone once told me I’m halfway intelligent! 😉

Honest PJ….I’ve got to know James a little and he would never intentionally offend.

You should have heard me before I kicked the voddy! 😉

Reply to  Pennyjane Hanson
9 years ago

You simply cannot post without inserting insults against me, even when the post is to someone else, when you have no reason to believe them.

What does that say about your character? What does that tell me about being a “good christian?”

I am not ignorant and bigoted. I have, as I stated, been a friend to minorities, gay, and transgendered people. I have a close relative that is gay. He is more like a brother to me than a more distant relation. We have been loyal friends to each other from the time we were children and will be as long as we live.

That you judge me on zero evidence only reinforces my observation that many, if not most, christians are judgmental, unforgiving, intolerant, smug, and arrogant. That it comes from someone in your position is not only disappointing, but astounding.

Reply to  James Smith
9 years ago

PJ’s upset old bean and, like us all, when we’re upset we lash out a bit…you’ll love her when you get to know her and she’ll love you right back mate…honest!

Pennyjane Hanson
Reply to  James Smith
9 years ago

i said directly to you exactly what i think of you and your ignorant, arrogant bigotry….which is exactly what you professed in that obnoxious post of yours where you called me “stupid”….if you can’t take it, little man, don’t dish it out.

again with your idiotic arrogance…..telling me you know more about me than i think you do…..you know nothing of me, simpleton…..you just do what all bigots do….go straight to transsexualism……has nothing to do with this conversation, but you (bigot that you are) had to insert it, as if it were a weakness. you know nothing any other ignorant bigot doesn’t know…..nothing at all.

and then as if you haven’t already pointed out in capitol letters what a fool you are….you question as to whether i’m a good christian or not……you idiot, you think all christians are insane fools….what would you know of the difference between a good one or a bad one?

you do exactly what all bigots do…..scream your ignorance at the top of your lungs and then go be proud of yourself about it….yes, i know, some of your best friends are black…..you don’t have a clue….you are so steeped in your own bigotry you don’t even know how that kind of filth sounds….you’re just another one of those empty headed white middle class straight men who was born on third base and stupid enough to think you hit a triple.

i’m done with you…i need a shower.

Reply to  Pennyjane Hanson
9 years ago

You need more than a shower. You ignored the things I said to Norman. You also ignored the only time I mention transsexualism. That I have known some and none were are rigid and judgmental as you.

I hope you accept my other statements and don’t be so hard on yourself or me.

I said I hardly know anything about you. In turn, you know nothing about me but have made your decision on a single post, ignoring everything else.

You are an angry person and, if you have had the stresses I have seen my other TS and gay friends, with good cause.

I have asked mike to give you my email. I told him that I am confident that, if we get to actually know each other better in a one-on-one setting, things will be better.

I know you have to be a person of inner strength and courage. If not, you would have crumbled under the onslaught of intolerance and hate you must have surely felt most of your life.

Pennyjane Hanson
Reply to  James Smith
9 years ago

your words just drip with bigotry and you are too much of an arrogant, condescending jackass to even know it.

Reply to  Pennyjane Hanson
9 years ago

I have often said that christians seem to be the most judgmental, unforgiving people on earth.

Your furious reaction to a single post that doesn’t even directly address you demonstrates that. Thank you for confirming my statements.

I’ve tried to extend the olive branch to you but you are not as decent a person as I had thought. Thank you again for correcting my impression.

Reply to  Professor Mike
9 years ago

Ditto old bean

Reply to  James Smith
9 years ago

OUCH! A bit strong there old bean! I empathise with you but I do know a lot of people with various ‘faiths’ who are very nice, kind and extremely intelligent.

I admit it puzzles me how they can be so intelligent and still have ‘faith’ but, at the end of the day, if their beliefs aren’t harming anyone and it makes them happy then ‘respect’ as they say.

Willful ignorance perhaps but harmless on the whole for all that old bean.

Watch out for lightning bolts 😉

Pennyjane Hanson
Reply to  Norman Rampart
9 years ago

maybe i can help a little, norman….respectfully. there seems to be a common belief among many of the people here that, i think, is fundamentally flawed. that is that “faith” precipitates belief. i can’t speak for everyone but, at least in my case that is just bassackwards. first, i believed. i believed because i had an experience in my life that made me aware of the existence of God and He was represented by the person of Jesus in that experience. that happened to me, obviously it didn’t happen to you. believe me, that experience doesn’t make me feel one little bit superior or more worthy than you, quite the opposite…it humbles me.

back to faith….i had no faith when i came to believe, none…i was as happy and unencumbered as any other agnostic…i gave very little thought to religion, it wasn’t a part of my life. i didn’t judge those who did though, i thought, “good for them, i hope it works out well for them.” i didn’t feel any better or any worse about believers than i feel today about non-believers. why God wanted me to be aware of Him i still haven’t a clue, and i have no clue as to why He hasn’t hit you in the head with the same two by four He hit me with….He’s God, i am not. faith didn’t cause me to believe, faith, to me…and to most christians i know…is what sustains our willingness to do God’s will even when He isn’t hitting us in the head at the moment with His two by four of belief. believers come to faith, faith doesn’t produce believers.

this obnoxious and really rather stupid idea that we’re all a bunch of idiots who came to believe in something through faith in something we didn’t believe in…just doesn’t stand up to even a cursory examination of reality….it’s just laziness….a willingness to mock instead of examine.

to me….that’s not what smart or wise people do, that’s what little people do.

Reply to  Pennyjane Hanson
9 years ago

You, PJ, are anything but an idiot. You are a caring and compassionate human being. If you have ‘faith’ then good for you and may it sustain you for ever.

Faith is what some people need and it helps them.

No probs with faith this end. x

Previous post World’s Top PR Firms Refuse to Work With Climate Denying Wackos
Next post Ted Nugent Determined to Win Award for Most Idiotic Gun-Totin’ Teabagger of the Year
25
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x