Why Is Jesus Hiding?

The Christians are always going on about finding Jesus. To hear them tell it if a person doesn’t find Jesus he or she is condemned to the fiery pit and will never be “saved.” It’s all such a puzzle to us Atheists so I decided to do some research.

Of course, a missing Jesus begs the question: why do we have to find Him anyway?  Is he lost?  Is he hiding in the grass perhaps?  Too busy with Christian Mingle to say “hey” to the rest of us?  I suppose if he is that would mean fewer people can be “saved” and heaven won’t fill up anytime soon.  After all overpopulation sucks no matter where you are.

Let’s assume Jesus decides to come out of hiding, does that mean we are “saved” and what’s up with that anyway?  I watched an interview not long ago of a 7-year old “preacher” and the host of the show asked him about being “saved?”  According to this little Jesus Jumper a person would never go to heaven unless they “find” Jesus and then “embrace him.”  If one doesn’t do these things one can never enjoy the warmth of bathing in Jesus’ “light,” [whatever that means].  Did he swallow a five-cell perhaps?

Anyway the host had the temerity to ask tiny Bible Banger if a person who did good things all his or her life but was never “saved” would that person go to “heaven?”  The Little Jumper wasted no time in saying “NO,”  because they had to be saved.  The next question spoke to a serial killer who had been “saved.”  Again the Junior Jesus  wasted no time in answering “YES,” because he had been saved and was now sitting at the right hand of Jesus’ dad.

So, that means, in the eyes of the faithful, those who find Jesus and then give him a big hug, are apparently superior to those who do not, serial killers notwithstanding. The question remains as to how one goes about finding a hiding Jesus?  The evangelicals will tell you that in order to find Jesus you have to start going to church and talking to those who managed to find his hiding place and give him a big old smack on the holy lips.  The learning process, of course, is helped by a large donation which goes to the poor, right after the new mega-church is built.

I felt sorry for this poor little boy as you could see the confusion in his eyes as his preacher daddy, holding a bible, was nodding wisely and watching his son like a true guardian of the Lord. I also couldn’t help wondering why this highly rated show would consider a guest with so little substance.

The fact remains the Christian crazies are indoctrinating their children and turning them into fanatics.  The very idea of some mythical sky king who rules the universe and sees into the hearts and souls of all his people (animals are exempt as they have no soul) is about as intellectually compelling as a belief in Santa Claus.

One more thing: The terrorists of Islam are murdering innocent people all over the world.  Why is Jesus still hiding?  Oh.  I know.  It’s His will.  I’m so glad to be an Atheist.  Hide and seek was never really my game.  How about you?


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Posted by on February 4, 2015. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION,HERESY. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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19 Responses to Why Is Jesus Hiding?

  1. James Smith Reply

    February 4, 2015 at 6:43 am

    If you look for the most common characteristics of the religious, hypocrisy, intentional ignorance, and stupidity would be good choices.

    • Norman Rampart Reply

      February 4, 2015 at 6:04 pm

      Excuse me! You can be a hypocritical ignorant stupid athiest you know! Spent most of my life doing that!! 😉

  2. Marsha Woerner Reply

    February 4, 2015 at 9:06 am

    It interests me that we’re willing to relegate to “mythology” the gods and religions of the past, yet many people are/were strong believers in the deity of Zeus or Odin etc. There were those who believed in the divinity of various Roman emperors (Caligula, anyone?). They were all passing phase, and to compare the length of the Roman civilization and their beliefs to Christianity, well, I believe that Christianity is still beat out by the Roman and Greek ancient religions, although I’m not sure; why anyone can wrap his/her being around an ancient, unfounded, a set of beliefs is beyond me.
    Is it not enough that millions have died in the strong religious beliefs and faith that some invisible magician – or group thereof – is “there for them”, and yet the world continues, and the only positive effects on humanity have been self induced, not “God” induced, to the point that large groups of people are killed following some self declared deity? And then those “Bible Thumpers” can claim that the reason is that those people just didn’t believe in the CORRECT imaginary friend?
    I don’t think I’m even making my point. Religion is just f**cked up! And if you don’t play by the right rules, you are blamed for all of the “evil” in the world, where you define as “evil” anything that doesn’t go the way [some determiner] wants! And you can add to that all of natural phenomena such as whether, volcanoes, earthquakes,…, and just because you don’t attribute those two several different “gods”you can call yourself a “monotheist”, which is the CURRENT reference – despite the fact that you believe in at least three, until you count all of the saints which increases the number of your gods by orders of magnitude – and it’s all ridiculous! Before I spout anymore on-understandable gobbledygook, I’ll go. (And I will beg your forgiveness on errors in grammar and spelling etc., because I can’t type or see well, and voice recognition is spotty, at best…)

    • Michael John Scott Reply

      February 4, 2015 at 11:13 am

      You made your point and made it well Marsha, and I didn’t see any grammatical or spelling errors. Perhaps you can type better than you thought 🙂

  3. Timmy Mahoney Reply

    February 4, 2015 at 11:28 am

    Jesus the Lord is a myth. There’s no evidence of his existence beyond what tribes of ancient desert dwellers made up. Back in the day the name Jesus was as popular as the name John today, and there were lots of Jesus’ but none had super powers, and certainly none rose from the dead. A fictional tale for children and the weak of mind.

    • Norman Rampart Reply

      February 4, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      I quite liked my old Religious Education teacher as a kid…he used to bring a guitar into class and play stuff like ‘Nowhere Man’ and say things like “Hey! Jesus was like the first rock star yeah?”

      Mad as a hatter but I liked him

  4. Shelly King Reply

    February 4, 2015 at 11:39 am

    Well you non-believers can count on going to hell, because you DONT embrace our LORD and it WILL HAPPEN. You will be cast down and never be allowed to fest your eyes on HE WHO IS KING OF US ALL. Athiests have no morals and should be destroyhed in the fire.

    • Norman Rampart Reply

      February 4, 2015 at 3:19 pm

      Oh eck…someone let her out again… 😉

    • jess Reply

      February 4, 2015 at 3:26 pm

      Here we hear from one of God’s gentle people. They are, however, not to be confused with the extremist fundamentalists of religions that kill and maim because they are the chosen people of the biggest badasses of gods.

      Oh and not for nothing, if hell did exist, I would be all about going there to hell since I like the heat. I could introduce ice cream trucks and make some money in the afterlife. Festing your eyes, sounds like a sex thing, does your god know you talk dirty like that in his presence? We have morals we just don’t need to tell everyone about them to make us look good. yer welcome.

  5. nick77 Reply

    February 4, 2015 at 2:06 pm

    Atheists suck the big one everyday. Jesus rules.

    • Norman Rampart Reply

      February 4, 2015 at 3:20 pm

      I like large ice lollys…does that count?

    • jess Reply

      February 4, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      I know this Atheist gets to suck the big one almost on a daily basis. The fact it pleases the suckee in the equation, is a lot more than your Jesus has done to make anyone happy.

  6. Norman Rampart Reply

    February 4, 2015 at 3:18 pm

    Why is Jesus hiding? maybe he got fed up with hanging around!

    …sorry…I’ll get me coat on the way out…

    • jess Reply

      February 4, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      I think it’s because no one could be bothered looking for him during hide and seek because he’s all needy and shit.

      • Michael John Scott Reply

        February 4, 2015 at 8:22 pm

        LOL! He is needy, what with that crown of thorns bleeding all the time, and those holes in his hands and feet always needing attention. That’s what he gets for rising from the dead.

        • jess Reply

          February 4, 2015 at 9:29 pm

          hey now, no mocking the stigmata now. I myself have the stigmata marks in between my thumb toe and the next one, from flip flops I wore, that had this little design decoration right there on both feet. Wore them one day, out in the sun, did not realize the decoration would leave a mark like a blister till it was too late. See I am like Jesus just need a u and all is good 🙂

  7. Mark R. Willis Reply

    February 4, 2015 at 8:29 pm

    Good article. I love the whole “Jesus hiding” concept.

  8. Bill Formby Reply

    February 7, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    He really is not hiding you know. Go to any jail or prison because people are finding Jesus and God there all the time.

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