Destroy Disease By Arming the Sick

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My good friend Ben Carson issues a press release the other day about stemming gun violence which I haven’t read since I’ve been busy buying more guns before Obama sends troopers to take them from us. The inside dope is that’s why we haven’t invaded Syria and crushed the Russians yet. Obama and Clinton need more time to indoctrinate our troops into Islam and fornicationism so they’ll take our guns and have the Blacks and Mexicans impregnate our white women without remorse. The white ones will be holding posters alongside members of the westboro Baptist church demanding fags repent.

obama-gun-control-confiscation

What Ben has failed to see, which is odd since he’s a doctor, is the goodness of guns. Sound science tells us bullets kill things. Not that bullets really kill since it’s really people that kill and Samson showed us even the jawbone of an ass can be used to kill an entire army so what’s the harm in having an AR/15 or something.

The best way to scientifically fight disease is to simply arm the sick so they can cure themselves by shooting germs and viruses. We all know evolution and global warming are unproven theories but shooting diseases should make even the most ardent science geeky liberal happy since nothing shot to death is going to evolve into anything.

By outlawing guns Obama and Clinton would be outlawing the most common sense approach to curing everything from cancer to the common cold and diarrhea. Simply shoot the afflicted’s ass off and he’s cured.

The Bible says if you have a body part that’s causing sin, cut it off. In this day and age of reason it is far more appropriate to shoot it off. Although waterboarding cancers and other nasty stuff first to make them talk would be a good practice as well.

There’s a Burma Shave array just outside my hometown that has the facts about guns. One of the clusters point out that over 5,000 lives are saved each year by armed citizens killing creeps that would have killed them. This is no doubt true or it wouldn’t be on a group of wooden signs along the highway. Just think of all the lives that could be saved by arming the afflicted so they can shoot whatever afflicts them.

This could also be extended to arming fetuses so they can shoot abortion doctors and sinful mothers. Carly Fiorina says she saw a new fetus clutching a small caliber handgun while laying on a table in a video so no doubt fetuses understand and are capable of reason and killing those who would murder them. And the video must be accurate since it’s on video and validates whatever we on the right want validated. It’s vital we all can protect ourselves, most of all the unborn.

Once this policy is enacted and disease is wiped out the only problem is more illegals will want to come here to take our guns and cure themselves. While flattering it’s important they remain hopeless since God chose us to be born in the U.S.A. and that is one of the things that makes us exceptional. Allowing them here would be usurping the will of God and subject us to punishment just like South Carolina is being punished with heavy rains for not being conservative enough. And California is being punished with fires for being liberal. God is consistent. God wants us to see that guns are not weapons but tools to be used for His purpose. As Sir Walter Raleigh kind of said, ”Tis a loud remedy but a sure one for all ills.”

About Post Author

Joe Hagstrom

Reformed Liberal now dedicated to saving world from Obamacare and Godless Atheists. Using MadMike's America to audition for high paying job with Fox News.
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RickRayFSM
8 years ago

This is a great satirical piece on how the extreme left sees the extreme right, Joe! You are extremely entertaining! Keep it up!

Joe Hagstrom
8 years ago

It kind of frightens me that as nutty as this piece is virtually anything that comes from the mouth of Mike Huckabee is even nuttier.

Reply to  Joe Hagstrom
8 years ago

Joe you are so right!!! That Huckabee is a real loon. Even loonier than you 🙂

Bill Formby
8 years ago

Joe, at some point you need to go ahead and write a book. Your Republican wisdom gives me great insight into the mind of the GOP machine. It would also be nice if you added some pictures in case some of followers are big into reading.

Bill Formby
8 years ago

Joe, at some point you need to go ahead and write a book. Your Republican wisdom gives me great insight into the mind of the GOP machine.

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