Another 24 Winning Trump One-Liners

Mark Twain

Mark Twain

As I have written previously, Mark Twain is one of the most misquoted men in history (as a group, America’s Founding Fathers are probably in second place). Many things he never said are attributed to him; many things he did say are attributed to others, and most people who manage to properly match the quote with the man get the words wrong. Mark Twain died 37 years before Donald Trump was born, but if he had lived to be oh, about 159 or so, he might have said this:

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were Donald Trump. But I repeat myself.”

Of course money can’t buy happiness, but it often buys arrogance. And that’s what makes Donald Trump such an easy target. As Dorothy Parker, supreme mistress of the snappy put-down, said,

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”

When Donald trump was born, they threw away the mold…but it seems to be growing back. He may not be mainstream Republican, be he has learned one important rule of Republican politics: Republicans make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

Here are 24 more notorious Trump one-liners:

Donald Trump failed his SAT’s because he insisted on using a #1 pencil – #2 pencils are for losers.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why Donald Trump appears bright until you hear him speak.

When life hands Donald Trump lemons, he orders tequila.

Donald Trump is multi-talented; he can talk and piss you off at the same time.

Donald Trump is to politics as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

Donald Trump is a materialist; he buys things he doesn’t need to impress people that don’t matter.

Donald Trump is never too old to learn something stupid.

Donald Trump is a humble person, really. He’s actually much greater than he says he is.

If you look up Donald Trump’s family tree you’ll find out he’s the sap.

Jesus may love Donald Trump, but most people in the world thinks he’s an asshole.

Women will never be equal to Donald Trump until they can wear their hair like that and still think they are sexy.

Don’t piss off Donald Trump – He’s running out of places to hide the bodies.

Recent Trump quote: “You can’t spell ‘awesome’ without ME!”

A Trump rally does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Donald Trump ran into his ex, Marla, yesterday then told his driver to back up and run into her again.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. Donald Trump did neither.

The only reason people prefer Donald Trump to Ted Cruz is because they prefer an entertaining asshole to a petulant one.

Donald Trump running for president is the unspeakable in pursuit of the unimaginable.

Donald Trump saw a woman wearing a shirt with the “Guess” logo and he asked her, “Implants?”

Donald Trump says that government doesn’t do anything and he wants you to elect him so he can prove it.

Donald Trump should slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.

Donald Trump shouldn’t let his mind wander – it’s too small to be out on its own.

When Donald Trump applied to Hogwarts, The sorting hat sent hom to Gryffindork.

As before, feel free to use these at parties and don’t forget to add your own in the comments section.

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Posted by on March 21, 2016. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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4 Responses to Another 24 Winning Trump One-Liners

  1. E.A. Blair Reply

    March 21, 2016 at 12:49 pm

    sub to comments

    • Marsha Woerner Reply

      March 21, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      Me too

  2. Bill Formby Reply

    March 22, 2016 at 12:05 pm

    Donald Trump is like a a ten year old child with one foot nailed to the floor. He just runs in circles screaming, “I am a big wheel”

  3. Rachael Reply

    March 22, 2016 at 8:55 pm

    I like these E.A. Good job.

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