- CRITTER TALK
- NEWS I FIND INTERESTING
Trump is trying to buy a presidency; the Koch brothers are trying to buy the whole government; Osama bin Laden, also a son of wealth, used weapons and religion to get his way. Fortunately, we have the legal means to thwart these children – our votes. It’s been fun making light of Donald Trump, but he’s no joke – he could become our president. If that happens, whatever respect President Obama regained from the rest of the world in the wake of Bush II will go down the drain. The Bush presidency was a tragedy; a Trump presidency will be a travesty. Here is the last batch of my one-liners about Donald Trump. Remember: Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies, or as Jay Leno once said:
Politics is just show business for ugly people.
Here’s the final installment of Donald Trump one-liners:
Donald Trump woke up this morning and realized that he still had a lot of growing up to do. Then he took off his bunny jammies and got in the shower.
Trump’s brain starts working the moment he wakes up and shuts down when he opens his mouth.
If at first Donald Trump doesn’t succeed, he redefines success.
If that still doesn’t work, he claims it was a success after all.
If he still doesn’t succeed, he destroys all evidence that he tried.
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture Donald Trump has.
The last thing Donald Trump wants to do is hurt you. But it’s still on his list.
The only time Donald Trump settled for second-best was when he heard that honesty was the best policy.
The last time Donald Trump went through customs, he had nothing to declare except how amazing he was.
Donald Trump told his bodyguards to attack a man he thought was a terrorist. Turns out the guy was a divorce lawyer – for Trump, the same thing.
If Donald Trump is a Christian because he goes to church, then when I’m in a garage I’m a car.
Something Donald Trump should realize is that YouTube never misquotes him; it repeats word for word what he shouldn’t have said.
If Donald Trump is right about America being in decline, I’d be very surprised.
A President Trump would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
If Donald Trump admitted to being a compulsive liar, who’d believe him?
If Donald Trump is here, who’s running hell?
When Donald Trump wants to be sure of hitting the target, he shoots first and calls whatever he hits the target.
Behind Donald Trump’s success his wife. Behind Donald Trump’s next downfall is his next wife.
Under Donald Trump’s crude exterior lies an even cruder interior.
Donald Trump walked into a bra and claimed he was dyslexic.
Donald Trump wants to defeat his enemies by fighting fire with fire; he should remember that fire departments usually use water.
As I was standing in the voting booth marking my ballot, a man came up behind me, pressed a gun into my back and said, “Vote for Trump or die.” I said, “I’m thinking, I’m thinking.”
It’s not whether you win or lose; what matters is that Trump wins and everybody else loses.
I’ve had so much fun ridiculing Donald Trump, I should thank him for showing me such a good time.
As before, feel free to use these at parties and don’t forget to add your own in the comments section..<blockquote>
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
Please remember: if you’re in a primary state that hasn’t voted yet (as I am), or if you will not mark a presidential ballot until November, your duty as a voter is clear: Vote your conscience and don’t vote for a man without a conscience.<blockquote>
“Vote noun: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.”
— Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary