The ‘F’ Word and Life In a State of Constant Negativity

My whole life, I’ve been told that I’m a negative person and I only focus on the dark side of existence. My usual response to that is to roll my eyes and flip the bird to the person saying it. I suppose I could be more diplomatic in my approach, but honestly, how would I put it more plainly? I guess I could do it by employing two words beginning and ending with the letter “F”, but there are some words I kind of balk at using at family gatherings. Aw, who am I kidding? I use the F-word as if it were a modifier I was taught in elementary school.

I’d use it more here on MMA if only Mad Mike weren’t constantly nagging me about overusing it. “GREG! HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO FUCKING TELL YOU TO STOP USING THE WORD, ‘FUCK’?” It’s at this moment where I’d point out the irony here, but I highly doubt Mad Mike would appreciate it. I dunno about him sometimes. I love the guy like he’s family, but there are times when I think he should change his name from ‘Mad Mike’ to ‘Terminally PMSed Mike’. Then again, we can’t do that. He’d have to change all the email letterheads and the company stationary. Plus, ‘Terminally PMSed Mike’s America’ has a lousy ring to it.

Earlier today on Facebook, I posted something in regards to the flooding going on in Louisiana and how the Republicans are whining about President Obama not showing up to assess the damage and take the nickel tour. I basically said, “Why the Hell should he? Half the morons in the state blame him for the screw-ups after Katrina hit- THREE YEARS BEFORE HE GOT ELECTED.” One of my close friends, both a republican and a Trump supporter, took great offense and decided to give me a bunch of shit over it.

He got bent out of shape at my comments mostly due to the fact that he took it like I was saying Louisiana got what it deserved, which was not my point in any way, shape, or form. I’m pissed off because the Republicans are politicizing this tragedy and trying to frame it like the President doesn’t care about what’s going on. The truth is, the Governor ASKED Obama to stay away so resources in the area wouldn’t have to be diverted from people who needed those services more. A smart call, I thought.

Then my friend and I got into it over Trump visiting the flood zone, which was pretty much just a photo op for him and a ploy to make it seem like he cares about the flood victims. Too bad the only thing cares for is whatever he can use to keep his fat face on the television. In fact, I read he brought some relief supplies, so I will give him credit for that, but they included cans of Play-Doh. I think the idea was to include something for the kids, but really… Play-Doh? I can’t think of anything more useless to put in a care package! Then again, we ARE talking about Trump. He’s got the IQ of the orangutan he resembles.

Scratch that- the orangutan would’ve had more Goddamn sense. I think it might have been more prudent to provide items like food, clean water, blankets, and batteries, for God’s sake. If you give a hungry kid a choice between a protein bar and a lump of clay, what do you think he’s going to choose? Beyond that, not every person in the flood zone is under the age of five! Trump doesn’t seem to understand the difference between essentials and luxuries, not that he’s ever had to go without either one a day in his life. But what else would you expect from a guy who drapes his surroundings in gold? Dickhead!

Anyway, my friend and I went at it, and in the course of our discussion, he accused me of being a “Negative Nancy”. I kind of had to laugh, mostly because I thought it was the lamest insult that ever got tossed in my direction. It’s the sort of thing you get called on a kindergarten playground by a five-year old GIRL. Then he proceeded to tell me I’ve always been a negative person who complains about everything.

I was sorely tempted to rip into him, but I chose not to. I know that may come as a surprise to you guys, but I’m the sort of person who is very loyal to my friends, even the ones I don’t agree with. And the person I’m talking about, he’s always been a good friend to me, so I let it go. I mean, it confounds me no end that he supports an uber-moron like Trump, but to each his own.

And seriously, you wanna talk about negativity? How about we talk about Trump’s ENTIRE campaign? The guy has run it like he was campaigning against Satan for the Lordship of Hell. From the way Trump described the state of the country, you’d think we were one step away from living in the world of Mad Max. I wish- I would love to have one of those wicked-looking cars from those movies. I’ll give Trump some credit, though- if he were to get elected, I’m almost positive that future would come to pass before his first term ended.

My friend and I eventually agreed to disagree and retired to our neutral corners on Facebook, but still, I must confess- being called a “Negative Nancy” kind of bugged the shit out of me. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t particularly care what some conservative mouth-breather had to say about me, but this was coming from someone I consider family. I don’t think of any of my rants as ‘complaining’, I tend to think of them as either venting or calling something out as bullshit. I would define complaining as ‘loudly expressing dissatisfaction’, or bitching just to bitch. Kinda like Trump- he whines like a bitch and presents no useful plan or policy to solve the problem.

The way I look at it, I’m not a negative person- I’m a realist. There’s a difference. The difference is that a negative person will always think of the worst-case scenario, but a realist will look at the situation for what it is and not for what most people hope it will be. It’s all about having low expectations, really. For instance, everybody who thought the new GHOSTBUSTERS movie would suck were absolutely right, but I went in to see it with an open mind hoping there might be some redeeming value to it. There wasn’t, though I wasn’t one of the geeks who trashed it upon seeing the first trailer. At least I didn’t have to pay for it.

If anything, I tend to think of myself as a cynical optimist. If something sounds like a total disaster, more than likely, it probably will be. But there’s always the possibility it might turn out for the best. The only way to know for sure is by disseminating all the data at hand and drawing the most likely conclusion based on that information. Logic, plain and simple, right? Too bad most people are bloody idiots.

I’m sorry if I’m not one of the shiny happy simpletons who live in their bubbles of perpetual giddiness. That’s just how I roll. My anxiety and issues with depression probably don’t help matters, but at least I haven’t gone on a shooting spree, unlike some people. Besides, it would be kinda hard for me, what with me being so militantly anti-gun. Not to mention that I hate being hypocritical, so everybody can relax. I ain’t gonna be the special report on the six o’clock news anytime soon.

I have way too many people in my life that help keep my darkness in check. Some of them are so sunny that sometimes I wanna scream and knock over their half-full glasses and drag them down to my level. The only reason I don’t is because the world needs less people like me, and I enjoy being one of a kind. Being the last angry rebel suits me.

I know this one woman who writes relationship blogs, and I read them mostly for the entertainment value. Her stuff is so sweetness and light, to say nothing of completely unrealistic, (to my way of thinking, not that I’m going to tell her.) Also, it doesn’t hurt she’s beyond smoking hot. In her blogs, she writes about finding the perfect man, maintaining a healthy relationship, and how she won’t settle for anything less than her one true love. The only thing is, I read it, and my first thought is usually, “Seriously, there is no way on Earth anyone can live up to these expectations!”

It probably sounds like I’m trashing her work, but I’m really not. She’s a good writer, and her stuff always manages to pierce the scarred shell around my heart and make me remember the romantic soul I used to be, which I appreciate. Plus, she’s a nice person who LOVES my work for whatever reason. Like I said, I don’t understand my popularity at all.

Then there’s my friend, Dennis- this guy is so upbeat I sometimes think he craps out rainbows. Seriously. For all I know, he feeds off the blood of a trapped unicorn in his basement. I’ve never seen him get pissed off, be depressed, or say a mean thing to anyone. EVER. Not even me, which I find amazing, because I can piss people off by the simple act of walking into a room. Thing is, with most people, Dennis’s upbeat demeanor would rub some (such as me) the wrong way, but he’s not like that. He’s the kind of guy who’s got the kind of attitude that’s totally infectious. It probably explains why I like hanging out with him. I can only assume he was a Care Bear in a former life.

I guess I’m lucky to have such people in my life. I dunno what I’d do without them. Especially Mad Mike, who gives me the platform to vent about the things that piss me off. Of course, he’s probably not going to care for this article because I’m not tearing into the Cheeto-faced Shitgibbon. Much.

But then everybody needs to take a break. You know what I’m saying? Don’t worry- I’ll get back to making fun of the retarded Creamsicle next week.

Stay gold, everybody!

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