Why Acronyms Are Really Starting To Annoy Me

They’re everywhere acronyms are. They’re like a bleeding virus against the English language. Everything but everything has to have it’s own acronym these days from LBGT to ROFL to MMA to LASER (I bet you don’t know what that one means without Googling it – no cheating now). It really is getting silly and, frankly, the internet has a lot to answer for if you ask me.

Let’s start with LBGT shall we? As far as I know it didn’t exist until fairly recently. It does, of course, stand for Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Gay and Transgendered.

Now, personally, as long as they are happy to accept me as staunchly heterosexual – ‘so many women so little time’ was my motto pre marriage. Now it’s ‘Sorry dear I’m too knackered after walking football’ but there you go eh?

Anyway. Lesbian? Fine. Bi-Sexual? Fine. Gay? Fine. Transgendered? Fine. No problemo but did you really have to devise a new acronym that only serves to confuse those of a certain age?

Take my mother for example. Please, someone, take her. Somewhere, anywhere – sorry, I digress.

My mother first heard the term on TV when I happened to be visiting.

“What does BLGT mean?” she asked innocently, “Bloody Large Gin and Tonic?”

I explained the correct acronym and its meaning and she was aghast.

“Even the perverts have an acronym!” she exclaimed. Don’t blame her, it’s an age thing. Mind you, with her, perhaps not.

Ever since that extraordinary exchange she has given the LBGT community a new acronym as she can’t get the letters in the right order so she has settled, for some unfathomable reason, on GTL’s.

Henceforth, all Lesbians, Bi-sexuals, Gays and Transgender people as far as my mother is concerned – and, come to that, me too as I find it amusing – will be known in this household as GTL’s (Gin and Tonic’s with Lemon)

Now I know acronyms have been around as long as there as been an intelligible language. It wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if the bloody Romans had some and, up to a point, that’s fine and dandy but, over the last few years it has really got out of hand.

Everyone knows that NATO stands for North Atlantic Treaty Organisation. After all, in a news report, if the organisation had to be named more than a couple of times, naming it in it’s entirety each time would have made the news run over so, fair enough.

Everyone  knows that USA means The United States of America and UK stands for The United Kingdom.

I mean to say, we could live happily with a few sensible acronyms but now the bloody things are taking over.

You say something on Facebook, for example, that someone finds mildly amusing they can’t settle for replying with a laughing smiley face or even a simple ‘ho-ho’, they have to tell you how hysterical you are with ROFL or LMFAO or TUOTCLSM – oh all right, I made that last one up (it means Threw Up Over The Cat Laughing So Much). Actually, that isn’t such a bad one – ARRRRGH! Even I’m infected now!!!

IDMN!!!!!!!!! (It’s Driving Me Nuts)

ICBM means Inter Continental Ballistic Missile. I know that, you know that, we know that. It was invented in the days when the English language was still reasonably valued and everyone wasn’t trying to acronym it to death. Have you ever read text messages from young people? – or perhaps I should say ‘txt msgs’. Everything is being reduced and abbreviated and acronymed to bloody oblivion.

Stop it now! or, for those addicted, SIN!! – which is amazingly apt in my view.

What else is there?

AFAIK – As Far As I Know. What???? How bloody difficult is it to actually say “As far as I know”???? If someone said ‘AFAIK’ to me it would take me so long to fathom out what gobbledegook they were saying that they could have just said “As far as I know” a kazillion times.

IIRC – If I Read Correctly. Oh for God’s sake (or the deity of your choice) GET A BLOODY LIFE! If I read correctly that people are actually using the acronym IIRC then I really wish they would just FO!!!!!

In fact. I wish this plethora of stupid dumb word shortenings and abbreviations and acronyms would just – just – just oh I don’t know I can’t find the words to express my annoyance at the whole bloody thing.

Just STOP IT! – and to ensure the idiots who are living, breathing and infecting us with more and more abbreviations and acronyms understand me, JSI!!!!!!

Another new acronym has popped up in Blighty that caused me great consternation whilst watching breakfast TV the other day, sleepily drinking my first morning coffee.

Apparently, as I vaguely heard the presenter say, JAM is in trouble. JAM needs more financial support. My morning fuzzy mind thought ‘What? Jam? How can jam be financially in trouble? And, if so what about marmalade then? I like my jam and my marmalade. We can’t have jam in trouble. Wait a minute. Perhaps he means the jam industry is in trouble?’ – so I listened more intently.

‘They’ll probably blame Brexit’ I thought gloomily. They seem to be blaming Brexit on everything from the fall in the pound to earthquakes and revolutions across the globe and the election of Donald Trump these days.

“The Martians are here! It’s because of Brexit!” – “The cat’s had kittens! It’s all Brexits fault!” and so on and so forth.

No! It isn’t the jam industry it’s people. People who are no longer people but JAM people. ‘JAM people?’ I thought woozily – I’m always woozy until at least my 3rd cup of morning coffee.

Have I missed something? Have we moved onto calling people by their favourite sweet or savoury delights? Are there now Marmalade people? Marmite people? Cheese on toast people? What about people who like all of them?

As I sipped my 3rd cup of coffee bemusedly I finally caught onto the story. JAM people are people who are Just About Managing – JAM. People who are just about getting by. They need financial help.

Ah! Right! JAM! I get it now. Another bloody acronym (aka ABA) to add to all the ridiculous stupid acronyms! That’ll put the world to rights then.

Even one of my favourite bands got in on the act not that long ago. I have refused to buy any of their songs since in silent protest at the bastardisation of the English language and, to be honest, if everyone who talks in abbreviations and acronyms fell into a huge food mixer tomorrow I would, without a shadow of a doubt and with total honesty LMFAO!

Mind you, the band in question didn’t abbreviate or use an acronym, they spelt the title out in individual letters.

I can’t take it anymore! (ICTIA!)

So there. Or, if you don’t understand, ST.

DYHA? – a prize of not being verbally abused by me to anyone who can translate that one 🙂

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