First There Was the MOAB And Now There is the MOWHAND

The GBU-43/B Massive Ordnance Air Blast bomb sits at an air base in Southwest Asia waiting to be used should it become necessary. The MOAB is also called “The Mother of all Bombs” by scientists and the community alike. (Courtesy photo)

by Neil Bamforth

The ‘Mother Of All Bombs’ is actually called something else (‘Massive Ordnance Air Blast’ apparently, although it could be ‘Management Of Aggressive Behaviour’ which would be pretty apt or ‘Man On A Bike’ which would be – well – a bit silly really although when you feel there is a distinct possibility that you may evaporate, in the not too distant future, in a mushroom cloud you might as well be silly eh?) .

To be honest, the ‘Mother Of All Bombs’ is about right really. By all accounts it is the nearest thing to a nuclear bomb you can have without it being a nuclear bomb. Mind you, I suspect mothers in general will be somewhat unhappy that it is called what it is called – and you couldn’t really blame them eh?

Mind you, when I put my mother in the frame of MOAB maybe there’s some bit of irony going on specific to me?


Oh boy.

President Trump.

What can you say?

He blows up a sizeable bit of Afghanistan with this MOAB and then he sets sail with America’s navy towards North Korea advising Mr How Can Anyone Actually Have Such A Stupid Haircut And Expect To Be Taken Seriously?, the North Korean leader, that if North Korea trial another nuclear bomb – well, what is he suggesting?

Will America MOAB North Korea?

How the hell do I know? Trump’s in charge! For all I know they’ll see what the weather’s like and if it’s fine they’ll break out the BBQ and have a party.

“Hey Haircut Guy! Let’s get the Hot Dogs on and the Bud out!”

WTF? – I will rephrase – WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON????

Now, North Korea’s Haircut Guy is clearly a sandwich short of a picnic. His continued existence is also clearly a threat to world peace – mind you the continuing existence of any number of world ‘leaders’ is equally a threat to world peace, albeit you have to admit Haircut Guy is pretty much top of anyone’s list.

Taking out ‘Haircut Guy’ would undoubtedly be a good thing but, when you look at TV reports regarding North Korea there seems to be a plethora of Haircut Guys who would almost certainly carry on his tradition of being nuts.

Having a stupid haircut and being nuts is clearly essential if you want to get on in North Korea.

That being said, is it wise to send a load of heavily armed navy vessels in their direction and tell them that testing any more nuclear devices is not a good idea?

I don’t know. Maybe it is. After all, if someone doesn’t try and stop Haircut Guy then maybe he is the one destined to end it all.

China are unhappy about American vessels heading that way but, to be honest, China aren’t exactly the sort of country or regime you can place an inordinate amount of trust in are they?

Could it be that Trump is doing the right thing?

Could it be that Trump is actually right?

It is a very weird feeling to actually have a feeling that Trump may be right.

Think about it.

None of this is happening. North Korea continue to create their nuclear capability and succeed in their desire to have long range nuclear missiles. The only conceivable result to that is we are all well and truly screwed.

A few people are objecting to the MOAB in Afghanistan. It has to be said it was a bloody big bomb to take out a few Islamists but, then again, it did take out a few Islamists so, I have to say, anything that takes out a few Islamists can’t be a bad thing. Perhaps it’s a bit ‘overkill’ but what the hell?

Would America – or Trump to be more accurate – use an MOAB on North Korea and, if so, what would be the consequences?

Personally I have a strange feeling that both Russia and China are, at the moment, crapping themselves. The great ‘lets all bluff each other’ diplomacy may well be leaving us via Trump. This may, or may not, be a good thing.

If it’s a good thing then, well, it’s a good thing.

If it isn’t a good thing then the mushroom cloud awaits us all.

You could put it in the terms of most children on a long car journey. Within about 5 minutes of setting off the little sods are asking ‘Are we nearly there yet?’.

I’ve a feeling we might well be but precisely where ‘there’ is remains to be seen. If ‘there’ is a bad place we probably won’t long realise we’re ‘there’ as we’ll be too busy evaporating into our component atoms via a nuclear holocaust.

On the other hand, could Trump actually emerge as some kind of bizarre saviour of humanity? Could he actually become the President who metaphorically ‘kicked the crap’ out of China and Russia whilst simultaneously blowing the crap out of ISIS and rogue nations like North Korea?

I’m so so glad I’m nearly 60. At least I made nearly 60 years. If I was 20 I would be wearing brown trousers right now to hide the bowel movements of my fears.

Never mind MOAB. This is the ‘MOWHAND’ – ‘Mother Of What Happens Next Days’???

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Posted by on April 16, 2017. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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4 Responses to First There Was the MOAB And Now There is the MOWHAND

  1. Michael John Scott Reply

    April 16, 2017 at 3:18 pm

    MOWHAND was dropped on November 7, 2016, the day America elected a dangerous buffoon.

    • Neil Bamforth Reply

      April 17, 2017 at 2:24 am


  2. Timmy Mahoney Reply

    April 16, 2017 at 5:39 pm

    Needs to be a MOWDOWN to kill those fucking murderers. ISIS IS SCUM, and the world should do everything in their power to kill them.

    • Neil Bamforth Reply

      April 17, 2017 at 2:26 am

      Correctomundo!…mind you…weird it’s Trump kinda doing the right thing don’t you think?

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