- CRITTER TALK
- NEWS I FIND INTERESTING
Throughout recent history America has been our staunchest ally and we yours. Prime Minister May even let The Donald hold her hand. Now if that isn’t a sacrifice on a grand scale for an ally I don’t know what is!
Looking back in time however, our relationship hasn’t always been quite so comradely.
As a colony of The British Empire, America wanted a ‘voice’ in the British parliament on the quite reasonable grounds that if they were paying tax revenue to Britain they should indeed have a voice.
Now had America said “Excuse me, I’m awfully sorry to trouble you old chap, but would it be at all possible to have a tax rebate; I know it’s a bore, but I’d be most frightfully grateful….” then everything would have been fine and The American Revolution or, if you prefer War Of Independence, wouldn’t have occurred.
Unfortunately America said “Hey! Buster! Gimme a tax rebate!”
The British promptly bristled at such a rude approach and said “No”.
As a result, some Americans dressed up as native Americans – or ‘Red Indians’ as they were known until more recent enlightened times – and threw lots of tea into the river at Boston.
Now, I mean to say. Throwing tea away? Wasting tea??? No greater insult to an Englishman was possible.
The British decided to confiscate everyone’s guns in retaliation so Paul Revere, who somehow got wind of the British intentions, road through the night knocking on doors to warn everyone and became famous as a result of his actions.
Some chap called William Dawes rode in the opposite direction to do the same thing but, sadly for him, he didn’t have the same charisma as Revere and everyone said “Go away it’s the middle of the bloody night!” so, as a result he didn’t get to be famous.
By 1783 Britain and the newly formed United States of America signed a Treaty that probably said something like ‘you say soccer and we say football and we’ll be friends to you and you’ll be pals to us’.
From then on we got along just famously and imported all your TV shows.
America has helped Britain out in two world wars. Admittedly you were a bit late showing up both times and nearly bankrupted us with ‘land lease’ at the second one but, you did show up eventually and help us and we’ve been eternally grateful to you for that.
In the 50’s you gave us rock ‘n’ roll and most of us are eternally grateful for that.
In the 60’s your President managed to stop the world being blown up and we are all eternally grateful for that.
In the 70’s you gave us J.R. Ewing and Star Wars (the film not the military satellite thing) but lost in Vietnam. We in Britain were so startled that you didn’t win we decided never to mention it because we like you and we liked Star Wars and J.R.
In the 80’s you gave us Hill Street Blues and Deborah Harry.
In the 90’s Green Day and The X-Files.
You just don’t stop giving America!
Seriously though. The vast majority of British people absolutely love America and Americans. We are genuinely alarmed for you as well as the planet that you’ve found yourselves saddled with Trump. If we could think of a way to help you out of this mess we would do it like a shot.
A shot? Mmmm. There’s a thought. NO! Careful. Can’t be seen to incite anything untoward legally so we won’t.
Even a very brief straw pole tells the story of how highly America and Americans are regarded in Britain.
I conducted it a few days ago in my local pub.
I asked ten people to name the country where they would most like to live if they didn’t live in Britain. The result, I think, speaks for itself.
8 stated The USA. 1 stated France for no fathomable reason and the last stated that she couldn’t go to America as she’d lived there since she was 8 years old. Her mother had failed to get her citizenship, she’d been arrested for having some weed a few years ago and been deported.
Could that be true? I don’t know her very well but she certainly has an American accent.
Anyway. 8 out of 10 on my straw poll named the USA as the place they would live if they didn’t live in Britain – and, in fairness, the weed lady would still be there apparently if she hadn’t been kicked out – so that’s actually 9 out of 10.
So there you have it America.
Over the decades, with amazingly few downs and many many ups, Britain has loved and continues to love almost all things American especially her people.
If I’m going to be brutally honest I’m not entirely certain we’ve completely forgiven you for McDonalds and ‘fast food’ but, after all, what’s an epidemic of enormously fat people amongst friends eh?
So, tell me, over the decades, what have you really thought of Britain.
Be honest now. Be gentle mind. Remember. In Britain Trump is a polite word for a fart. If you’re too unkind I will henceforth refer to your President as ‘Fart‘.
Actually, I think you’d appreciate that from a friend.Click here for reuse options!