Is That A Hard Brexit In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Pleased To See Me?

by Neil Bamforth

For all you Anglophiles out there in America – and I do apologise for calling you something ending in ‘philes’ but I didn’t create the name so don’t blame me – you may or may not be aware that Great Britain aka the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland are realizing the consequences of leaving the European Union.

Now, as an ardent ‘Brexiteer,’ one of those who wanted to leave the Union are called, I voted to remain in the EU. I did this primarily as my daughter and her partner who are, not surprisingly, younger than me, wanted to remain. I discovered with only a modicum of research that the vast majority of young people wished to remain.

I therefore sacrificed my democratic right to vote the way I wanted and voted for the future the young people wanted.

Any suggestion that I voted against my true desire just so I could be a contrary bastard might also have a degree of truth about it.

Anyway, much to my surprise and former Prime Minister David Cameron’s surprise – having something in common with him is quite worrying to me – Britain or, if you prefer, The United Kingdom, voted to leave.

Related: An Englishman Takes A Look At Brexit After the Vote

Since then not a great deal of any consequence has happened other than current Prime Minister, Theresa May, has continually insisted that ‘Brexit means Brexit’, which is fine and dandy except nobody actually knows precisely what ‘Brexit’ means – other than it means ‘Brexit’ but we don’t know what that means. It is an invented word that has yet to appear in The Oxford Concise Dictionary.

With me so far? Jolly good.

There are politicians and others frequently waffling on about both ‘hard’ and ‘soft’ Brexits.

Personally, being a red blooded male the term ‘Hard Brexit’ sounds far more virile than ‘Soft Brexit’ which sounds like the entire country may need a large dose of Viagra.

There are clear positives regarding Britain’s decision to leave The European Union. Said decision has upset the French and Germans for one thing.

I mean to say, what is the point of France and Germany if we can’t upset them on a regular basis. It’s just too much fun to not do it.

Until recently, or to be accurate, precisely now as I type and wonder where the hell I am going here, it has suddenly dawned on me that Great Britain and America have possibly even more in common now than they have ever had.

America has Trump and has no idea what is going to happen next.

Britain has ‘Brexit’ and has no idea what is going to happen next.

I am typing at my PC and have no idea what I am going to say next.

As far as I can gather – and, yes, I know given my simplistic way of looking at things what I can gather is often very little – Britain has the choice of –

‘Hard Brexit’ which, in a nutshell, seems to be a kind of :

“Right European Union. Piss off and no you aren’t having any money off us and see this middle finger? It’s for you”

or ‘Soft Brexit’ which, in a nutshell, seems to be a kind of :

“Oh dear European Union, it’s all a mistake, don’t blame us blame the people and here’s 50 kazillion dollar / pounds and please don’t hate us”

Well, I did say in a nutshell.

Related: Brexit: Are We Nearly There Yet?

Over in America meanwhile there is Trump.

Will he be impeached? Is he a Russian agent? Will he build a wall on the Mexican border? Will he blow up North Korea or, possibly, Australia in the mistaken belief it is North Korea?

So you see, Britain and America have an incredible amount in common quite simply because none of us have a bloody clue where our respective countries are heading or whether the outcome will be hard or soft.

All I can shed onto our current mystifying circumstances is this.

If I come to the USA and meet Jennifer Aniston my reaction will have nothing what so ever to do with a ‘Hard Brexit’ albeit I will be pleased to see her.

In the meantime as Britain ponders what the hell is going to happen and America likewise, may I suggest that we enter Ostrich mode, chill the hell out, drink lots of beer and let Hard Brexit, Trump, North Korea, Soft Brexit, Mexican Walls and Russian spies within or without The White House just get on with it.

We’re the ‘little people’ so we might as well just get drunk and, frankly, fuck ’em all as they will all assuredly fuck us – which, with the exception of me and Jennifer Aniston – is a dead certainty.

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Posted by on August 9, 2017. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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13 Responses to Is That A Hard Brexit In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Pleased To See Me?

  1. Abby Deeter Reply

    August 9, 2017 at 10:51 am

    Friend was going to leave the US for UK because of Trump until Brexit came along. Now she’s staying with the devil she knows. You guys are just as fucked up as we are, and as you point out.

    • Neil Bamforth Reply

      August 9, 2017 at 10:56 am


      Beer? wine? spirit? Let’s get going!!! – my round first? 🙂

  2. Martin Helo Reply

    August 9, 2017 at 11:21 am

    Leaving the UK set you back 20 years. It was a big mistake and if you’re not yet feeling the heat, you will soon. Voting to leave was stupid of the British people, just like electing Trump was stupid for the USA.

    • Neil Bamforth Reply

      August 9, 2017 at 11:47 am

      Time will tell. You may be right….or not. Let’s just have a drink n not worry eh?

      • Martin Helo Reply

        August 9, 2017 at 12:03 pm

        I’m not worried, just prepared for the worst. You should as well. Oh and I loved your title. Funny!

        • Neil Bamforth Reply

          August 9, 2017 at 12:38 pm

          ????Cheers Martin.

          And I am prepared for the worst!

          Beer supply in and safe ????????????

  3. Theresa Reply

    August 9, 2017 at 3:46 pm

    That’s that nationalist BS. Brits are going to regret it so very, very much. Up theirs I say. I voted NOT to leave.

    • Neil Bamforth Reply

      August 9, 2017 at 4:31 pm

      Yep. Nationalist racists voted leave for sure. Thing is, lots who voted leave aren’t nationalist racists.

      Don’t hate people for being conned Theresa. A lot of good decent people voted leave.

      Anyway. Chill and have a few drinks eh? Life’s too short to spend it all wound up love x

    • Neil Bamforth Reply

      August 9, 2017 at 4:33 pm

      I voted not to leave too. So there ????

  4. Robert Bacon Reply

    August 9, 2017 at 3:48 pm

    Ha! Lovely header there mate.

    • Neil Bamforth Reply

      August 9, 2017 at 4:33 pm

      Header? Is there something we need to know Rob ?????

  5. Mark Willis Reply

    August 10, 2017 at 3:22 pm

    Ha! Great headline there Neil and funny article.

    • Neil Bamforth Reply

      August 10, 2017 at 4:53 pm

      Cheers old bean ????????

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