Can We Teach Common Decency To Those Who Grew Up Without It?
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Sooner or later it will run its course and the monkeys will stop shrieking and flinging and go back to doing what monkeys do – at least until the cage is rattled again or some monkey news network comes up with something else lucrative. But while we’re raging about this outrage and ignoring the others, it does seem that it’s not only priests going after boys, but politicians.
Of course the line between the two may be a bit fuzzy, what with all the god-bothering going on in politics, but there’s no end to the flow of stories – like this one below which seems authentic.
So Shortey’s life as a free man may be over, but heterosexual bullies may be able to get away with it more easily – maybe not. But note that I used the word bully and because I think that is more inclusive and less prejudicial. It’s not that it’s new. Books as old as the epic of Gilgamesh describe that ancient king of Uruk as preying on young women and I’m sure it goes back further – very sure, but we’re either in an era of renewed “activity” or renewed reaction but we certainly are in an age of bullying.
Related: Trump Supporter and Family Values Republican Guilty of Sex Trafficking
It was easy in feudal times, for the Duke to wave his little duke at the servant girls, but in business and politics and other things we’re still as feudal as ever and lords will be lords.
Rather than demonstrate my rage, I’d rather look into the reasons. Is it all human nature or is it the way we raise our children? Is it the way we structure our society, the way bullies and disordered personalities tend to rise to power and respect or do we just foster and enable it through silence? What do I know? Do we try to control it with draconian punishment or open shaming or just making noise? Do we think we can teach compassion or manners or common decency to people who somehow grew up without it? What about the “conversation” we’re always demanding – can we have it?
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Well said Bill. I do remember those “kissing scenes” where the manly man overcomes the reluctance or perhaps the repugnance of the woman by doing exactly what we treat like a national catastrophe today. It was a standard Hollywood trope. Actors like John Wayne made a living out of it.
It’s obvious that our society is changing away from such things and perhaps all the screaming about these things is proof of it. Do things seem worse only while they are getting better?
Could be.
Glenn, I hope things are getting better. I did my best with my two kids who are now in their forties. My daughter knows enough to speak up if someone is making her uncomfortable and my son was taught to keep his hands to himself. Being as how he wanted to be a youth minister (yeah, I know but he is a good kid. If it ain’t broke dont mess with it.) he is always very proper around women. He also fears his sister. He now has 5 kids, which are, of course, my grand kids, and I have never been more proud of 5 kids in my life. Always polite, always trying their best in school, two are going to be geniuses and 3 super athletes as well as being smart. My daughter in law stays right behind the kids. So between me, my ex wife, and my sons in-laws, we did very well as a group. I am sure there are others here that can say the same thing. It did not take magic. Just love, attention and consistency in imposing values about right and wrong from the beginning, and of course, I still do the same when asked.
When we look at society in general it is actually easy to see a cause and effect. While I cannot speak for the eras much past the end of WWII I was around and aware from the 1950’s to the present date. Those old enough to remember those days might remember the way that racial prejudice and the minimization of the role of women in the work force was handled back then. If one doubts these things simply go back and watch a few of the movies from that era and one sees minorities in subservient roles and men grabbing women and kissing them. Movies by guys like Clark Gable, John Wayne, Lee Marvin. Women in the movies were always sexy and willing to be grabbed at the drop of a hat. Emphasis back then was on men being men, being strong, being tough. Women being good homemakers and mothers. Now, I know that was not reality, and I knew it then. My mother worked as well as my stepfather. I knew because my stepfather was obsessed about being tough. I tried to explain to him that I was not a tough guy but he pushed me into fights when I was as young as 6 years old. I was not a big kid so I took a lot of lumps until I got wise to the old “fair” fighting thing. Because we moved so much I also found out that when I got into a new neighborhood or a new school I sought out the meanest guy I could find and jumped him. I did not always win but I earned enough respect that people did not really want to mess with me. Being tough was important at times growing up in housing projects but it was not necessarily what I wanted at the time.
So, when we are looking for causations we just have to look at role models. Now days kids have now been exposed to a culture that feels entitled. Combine that with the ongoing problems of sexual harassment and attempts to marginalizing women as toys for the rich and powerful and punching bags for the drunks and punks and you have the disaster we now have. There was a time when teachers were role models for kids but that does not work anymore because teachers are burdened with too many students in their classrooms. There was a time when police officers were role models but they no longer really want that role because it is not exciting enough for the younger officers and the older officers are simply too tired after trying to solve society’s problems everyday. There was a time when coaches and P.E. teachers were role models but coaches, even at the high school level are judged on win -lose records and P.E. Teachers, see the part about teachers. Parents, for most kids are trying to survive in a work world where their pay is actually decreasing because of inflation and no increasing.
Personally, all things considered, it is amazing that most kids turn out as well as they do. Look at the idiots who voted for Trump or those who will vote for Roy Moore. What do you think they are teaching their kids. Hell, it is not bad enough that we have as many idiots voting for these people now, they are breeding and multiplying. We may need Huxley’s “Brave New World” yet.
WOW! I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW.
Gosh Bill. That was good. Mike needs to publish that.
Fantastic to read. Brilliant.
We do seem to be living in an age of the bully. Or, perhaps due to social media they are easier to out. Bullying used to suggest a big guy grabbing a little guy and inflicting some intimidation on him or her. Modern bullies are not necessarily face to face sociopaths. Again, social media plays a part. From the President on down people are inflicting their lies and threats on individuals, ethnic groups and in Trumps case, the whole world. Bullies all.
It’s like child abusers claiming it was because they were abused.
Bullshit.
We always have the choices.
Children learn right from wrong, compassion and decency, from their environmental influences, despite the idiots, and there are more than a few of them, who claim people are born with such qualities or not. It’s the nonsense of a biological basis for criminal behavior.