No Australian Tax-Payer Was Ever Charged For a Stupid F*cking Wall.

Read Time:1 Minute, 29 Second

by David P. Greenberg

Hey, sane Americans! Yeah, both of you. The nation of Australia is opening her doors to refugees. After a quick sanity check, you will receive full citizenship. Of course, you’ll have to leave your guns with your crazy Republican uncle, but other than that, we expect a seamless transition. Here are some of the many advantages that Australia has to offer.

1) Furthest nation from the coming nuclear war, affording the best possible chance of survival. In fact, we can actually guarantee that if you come to Australia, you stand a whopping 5% chance of survival. Best odds in the world.

2) We’re a country AND a continent. Betcha didn’t know that. Trump doesn’t know that, but you could fill the Sydney Yellow Pages with all the things Trump doesn’t know.

3) No mass shootings. None. We haven’t had a single mass shooting in our entire history as a nation.

4) Still a functional Democracy. No Bannon, No Breitbart, and NO FASCISM. That’s right. Fascism is not only illegal in Australia, but we actually eschew it intellectually. Many Australians have even stated aloud, that they don’t like Fascism. If you look at our Constitution, it says right in there, NO FASCISM.

5) Healthcare.

6) No, really. Healthcare.

7) Education. (See points 5 & 6.) We’ll teach your kids stuff like critical thinking, basic common sense, and reading and writing. We even cover some complicated paradoxes. We have one full lesson on how Mankind evolved from monkeys, and yet there are still monkeys.

8) No Australian tax-payer was ever charged for a stupid fucking wall.

So pack your bags while you still can. Come to a nation that’s trying to live in the world with other nations – rather than nuking them.

Thank you,

Australia…

About Post Author

David P. Greenberg

An active Food Christian, a fighter and a renegade author, I've worked everywhere and done everything. In 2006 I was diagnosed with type II Diabetes. I created a diet and exercise program, and am now, free of the disease. It is my hope to be able to help others achieve the same.
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6 years ago

Yeah, as I research further, I find that Australia might not be all it’s cracked up to be. But I think everybody here got my point. Just a poet-warrior in a broken country. Thanks for reading.

jess
6 years ago

Do they have a points immigration system, like Canada does, or can anyone just say, Australia looks good I’m there?

Reply to  jess
6 years ago

My grandfather was an Aussie. He left Britain, and emigrated to Australia, where he was some sort of adventurer, explorer. He came. He saw. He said: Australia looks good I’m there!

jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
6 years ago

I’m thinking I need something way different from my own life right now.

Reply to  jess
6 years ago

Yes they have a sensible points based system. This ensures only immigrants that will be of benefit to Australian society get in.

Many Brits get turned down because they don’t need more builders or nurses or whatever so there’s no racial thing going on.

You amass enough points you’re in you don’t you aren’t.

It’s simple and fair.

This won’t apply to refugees though as clearly refugees rightly need help and haven’t been in a position to get points.

Britain could learn a massive amount from Australia!

jess
Reply to  Neil Bamforth
6 years ago

I just checked, I more than qualify as far as money goes, I have a teaching credential so that’s a skill… bonus I have both a bachelor and masters degree so they can use that. Hmmm, maybe I could meet a nice Aussie person and hook up 🙂 I’m actually holding out for a big red headed, kilt wearing Scottish person though.

Neil Bamforth
Reply to  jess
6 years ago

There’s loads of them in Scotland! Just stop off there en route n tek yer pick! 😀

jess
Reply to  Neil Bamforth
6 years ago

Know what, a friend of mine that periodically works here in the Bay Area and lives in Glasgow, has invited me more times than I can tell you to go spend time with her and her family. I have been thinking about it more and more. I might take her up on it to get away for a while.

Reply to  jess
6 years ago

I’ve family in Scotland. Let me know if you go and I’ll give you some numbers.

6 years ago
Reply to  Caroline Taylor
6 years ago

Yeah. The Aussies have a problem with Manus and Nauru. Apparently the government didn’t want these refugees to end up on the mainland, so they sort of left them on these islands, demanding they leave, which, since they were on islands, was rather puzzling. As a result the “we won’t leave” refugees began to starve, die of thirst, and other nasty shit.

6 years ago

Kangaroos! I forgot to add kangaroos!

Reply to  BitcoDavid
6 years ago

As you can see I added them for you 🙂 Gotta love a kangaroo, and healthcare too. Yes! Healthcare….

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