Sexual Abuse: It’s Not Just About Women and Girls
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OK. Something needs to be said about all these sexual abuse allegations floating around, about both Democrats and Republicans, celebrities and politicians.
When I was 13-years-old, I had my first job, working in a restaurant in the closest thing to what could be called my hometown. In those days, in Colorado, you needed “Working Papers,” and you had to be sixteen. But this particular restaurant would commonly accept the word of their applicants, as sufficient proof of age. My friends had told me, “Just go in there, and tell him you forgot to bring the papers. He’ll hire you.”
I had borrowed a 70cc Minibike, called a Honda Trail 70, which I rode the 5-miles down, what was then the unfinished, new Interstate highway. This was a Summer job, so weather wasn’t typically a problem. The road itself was under construction and gated at both ends, so although it was illegal, I never had any problem with the cops.
When the bike’s owner wanted it back, I had no choice but to go to the boss and tell him I couldn’t work anymore. He kindly offered his partner’s services driving me back and forth. I’m sure I don’t have to explain the partner’s motivations to you.
This was the first, but it wouldn’t be the last time an employer – or any man who held power over me – used his position to exploit me, either. Although, I was young, I wasn’t so young as to not understand what this was. I thought this “marked” me as Gay – which in the “Yee-haw” state of Colorado, in 1970 was the worst thing a person could be.
I actually believed that girls would be able to “sense” my “gayness,” and I would never be able to have a normal sexual relationship. Turns out I was wrong about that.
Look at the Boston Archdiocese Scandal. These were not girls – women – being abused.
My point is this: while it is true that women are more commonly abused by men in power, other men – and boys – are not immune to this disease. Many men out there – although they may be less likely to admit it, even to themselves – have been victims of abuse.
But I think this is a “man’s” issue as well, because even if it’s women alone that you abuse, you are still abusing. You are still using your position, your physical size and strength, or even your age, to control and violate another human being.
Men need to step up to the plate on this. We need to ask ourselves, what if this was MY daughter, MY wife, My sister. But we also need to ask ourselves, what if this was MY son or MY brother? In addition women need to acknowledge that they are not the only victims of sexual abuse.
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In the last couple of days, a cursory reading of the news outed a female school teacher and an Oklahoma state senator having sex with minors. What we make of this has a lot to do with what we want to make of this, but note that truly draconian lifetime punishments don’t seem to work.
I read both of those reports. The second carries with a delicious irony. The first, well, that’s just messed up.
My little brother was molested by the parish priest about 30 years ago, but everyone was afraid to come forward because, well, you know: a PRIEST!
Great point David. Here there is almost a double whammy for reporting it.
Several of my best pals are gay. Four of them suffered at a young age.
This needed to be said.
Yes it did. I had a friend who was an altar boy in the Catholic church who was molested by a priest. I was an altar boy for like 10 years and was never molested. Not sure what to make of that.
THIS a million times THIS. I always use my own female experiences because they happen to me but they could just as easily happen to anyone.
Thanks for publishing this, MadMike.
It was my pleasure and it’s an important subject.