How Adulterous Governor Eric Greitens Channels Frank Underwood

Missouri Governor Eric Greitins (AP Photo/Jeff Roberson, File)

by Joe Hagstrom

In no way am I insinuating disgraced lecherous Missouri Governor Eric Greitens has gay tendencies (not that there is anything wrong with that) like Netflix’s Frank Underwood from House of Cards. But I have no doubt Eric has watched the show.

As you may know by now, Eric has been called out for an extramarital affair he had with his hairdresser. Although thinking about this further, as a manly man myself, I either go to a barber or cut my own hair.

So, this is strange behavior for a manly Navy Seal. Although Eric’s fellow former Navy Seal, Jesse “The Body” Ventura wore a feather boa so maybe I’m behind the times with these things.

Eric has been accused and admits the dalliance that lasted months. But apparently, it was said that Eric tried to blackmail his lover that admitted their forbidden pleasures were consensual, by taking a picture of her in some lewd state. He then allegedly told her to keep quiet or else he would release the said photo.

Eric, of course, denies that he took a naughty picture or tried to blackmail anyone,  and this is where it gets interesting.

Around the time Eric was indulging in the forbidden fruits of adultery, the Netflix show, House of Cards, had an episode in which Frank Underwood took a bunch of pics of a young lady he was having sex with in order to use as blackmail so she wouldn’t blab about their nefarious activities.

I’m not saying Eric was imitating the actions of Frank Underwood. I’m just saying and a lot of people may be saying stuff. But indeed life imitates art.

It pains me that a fellow Republican, a member of the party that’s the guardian of public morals should stoop to such sinful behavior.

In Eric’s defense at least he didn’t choose masturbation over adultery as that is a big sin and far more embarrassing if caught. His political career would be over as nobody would dare shake his hand after thinking about what it was shaking.

At least Eric has a chance to keep his political career going. We Republicans can forgive adultery among Republicans as long as adulterers promise to cut taxes and regulations other than the Ten Commandments. We’re good with the Ten Commandments.

The Bible has plenty of loopholes and we have most of the preachers on our side so we can ignore the inconvenient commandments,  as Eric Greitens demonstrates.

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Posted by on January 12, 2018. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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10 Responses to How Adulterous Governor Eric Greitens Channels Frank Underwood

  1. Rockync Reply

    January 12, 2018 at 11:09 am

    Welcome back my favorite Republican! Pithy and astute as always. Buried in the humor is the hypocracy and lack of moral conscience that continues to plague God’s army.

  2. jess Reply

    January 12, 2018 at 11:26 am

    I’d still do him though. AYUP I am just THAT shallow and it would be a hate fuck because his political views repulse me.

    • Joe Hagstrom Reply

      January 12, 2018 at 12:29 pm

      That’s not what I mean when I say screw this asshole Ms. Jess. Removing my mask of republican stalwart for a moment, Greitens is a hypocritical pos in every way. Nobody is less deserving of your naughty intentions.

      • jess Reply

        January 12, 2018 at 12:36 pm

        I know and for all the reasons you say, I shall carry my shame through my life for having such dirty thoughts. Maybe I should go and confess about them or maybe I should just not, it’s a dilemma.

  3. Neil Bamforth Reply

    January 12, 2018 at 1:04 pm

    Obviously I’ve never heard of him in Blighty….

    I’m missing out on the fun!!!

    • Joe Hagstrom Reply

      January 12, 2018 at 2:47 pm

      We have conflicting attitudes towards sexual relations on this side of the pond Neil. Greitens probably will soon wish he was a politician in France.

  4. M Bates Reply

    January 12, 2018 at 2:18 pm

    How can masturbating in public be worse than Adultery? At least he could have told his wife he was fantasizing about her. Committing adultery means his marriage is history. So I disagree with the author, masturbating in public would have saved his marriage.

    • Joe Hagstrom Reply

      January 12, 2018 at 2:57 pm

      Eeeeew! We got enough trash dirtying our streets without a load of Governor goo somebody might step in. Although in reality I don’t give a rats ass about Eric’s personal pecadilos. It does bother me that every time one of these self righteous assholes gets caught with his hand in the forbidden regions their poor wives are trotted out for the cameras. I figure the video of Eric walking into church holding his poor wife’s hand and a Bible in the other will soon be infesting our newsfeeds. I tell you who is eating this up though. It’s not the Democrats so much as it is ambitious Missouri republicans always looking for an elected office that’s a step up from their own.

  5. Bill Formby Reply

    January 12, 2018 at 4:55 pm

    Well done Joe.

  6. Michael John Scott Reply

    January 12, 2018 at 9:36 pm

    I lived in Missouri for like 25 years. Never had a governor like this one, at least not that we knew of 🙂 Go gov!

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