Everything You Wanted To Know About the World Cup, or Not

by Neil Bamforth

Is it true or did I mishear it? Did I hear America and Mexico are sharing the next World Cup? I could easily Google it but I’d rather believe I didn’t mishear. Much more fun.

If it is true I hope Trump remembers to have a gate in his wall so the teams can cross over from one side to the other. “The Group game Mexico Vs Germany has had to be abandoned due to the border guards losing the gate key to let the Mexican team through.” Oh, what fun it could be!

Anyway. It is upon us again. The World Cup.

My England flag flies proudly out of my bedroom window – much to my wife’s disapproval.

“It won’t be there long dear” I assure her, “England will be out soon enough”.

For those who have minimal interest, a pal of mine summed it up quite succinctly I thought.

“Why would I waste 90 minutes or more of my life watching overpaid millionaires running about after a bag of wind?”

I would wish the USA good luck but you didn’t qualify, did you? I promise I didn’t giggle when I typed that.

Apart from England, I would rather like to see Iceland do well. Their Viking-like chant, which gets louder and louder, is quite magnificent.

Germany will, no doubt, be a good bet. Belgium seems to be some peoples unlikely favorites. Brazil and Argentina, of course, are expected to do well although South American nations often seem to struggle a bit when The World Cup is in Europe. No idea why. The weather perhaps?

Russia, the host nation, have dropped in the rankings into the 70’s in footballing terms from being in the top ten. Mind you, they thrashed Saudi Arabia 3 – 0 in the opening game. Not that most teams wouldn’t thrash Saudi Arabia. Accrington Stanley could probably thrash Saudi Arabia (who are they?) – that’s an ‘in-joke’ for Brits only I’m afraid.

Actually, using the term ‘thrashing’ in the same sentence as Saudi Arabia must have a pun in there somewhere but I can’t quite seem to dig it out.

Spain and Portugal may both have an outside chance of doing well. Spain has sacked their manager on the eve of the tournament which doesn’t bode well but still, they are a good side.

Australia and Iran are almost certainly just there to make up the numbers but, sometimes, an un-fancied team does exceedingly well. Costa Rica, among others, proving the point in the past.

Mexico is there of course. This makes the USA’s failure to qualify even more of a shame really. I have a vision of the game in my head. The TV camera goes live and the commentator speaks –

“In this game of Mexico Vs The USA the halfway line has been replaced by a rather large wall. The American striker has a key to the gate in the middle of it while the Mexican striker is equipped with a large drill and a sledgehammer”.

So the football World Cup is on us – note the correct use of the word ‘football’ 🙂 – and English hopes are, once again, high. Well, some are. Mainly the drunk and mental people. The saner folk are realistic or, in the case of my wife, hopeful.

Realistic that England no longer rules ‘the beautiful game’ but will do well to survive beyond the group stages.

Hopeful, in my wife’s case, so that I will “take that bloody silly flag down!”

In the absence of yourselves at this World Cup, any favorites in mind?

Happy

0 0 %

Sad

0 0 %

Excited

0 0 %

Sleepy

0 0 %

Angry

0 0 %

Surprise

0 0 %