Now Here’s A Brief Word From God
Read Time:1 Minute, 28 Second
Hi Y’all. It’s me. God. Remember Saddam and Gamora? All the fires and pillars of salt? Well, I did that to remind y’all that I don’t like bad shit. Now, the Noah thing? Alright. So, I overreacted a bit. Hey, I’ve been in therapy for 6000 years. Cut a dude some slack, will ya?
Excuse me. Hey Ba’al. Can’t you shut those dogs up for a minute? I’m trying to get some work done over here. Fuckin’ neighbors, huh?
I was telling my boy – Jesus – the other day, that he can’t have a car unless he gets a summer job and agrees to pay half the insurance. Look. You’re never too old for the crucifix, ya know. And then there’s Mary. “I could’ve had a career!” Look. One Viagra commercial isn’t a me-damn career.
And Jonah? I give him a fish to live in, and what’s the lesson he learned? “Never buy the cheap tickets on a Disney Cruise.”
Congrats to the Eagles for winning the Super Bowl – on top of a legendary musical career – but I got real problems. There’s a plague on Xanax-4. Everybody who gets it loses one of their two heads. You got no idea how hard it is on a Xanaxian to lose a head.
So, do me a solid, will ya? Quit blaming me for Trump. How could the same divinity who reamed the shit out of Salame and GaGa pick a sleaze-bucket like Trump to be President? I just got done tellin’ ya, I don’t like bad shit. He fuckin’ INVENTED bad shit. He wrote the book.
FWIW – I wanted Bernie.
Thank you for your time,
God
In case you missed it check out Donald Trump, Mickey Mouse, or a Turnip.
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Hysterical, and this coming from a licensed and ordained Pastor. Thank you for a well-written piece, but I do have to still blame God as long as these frigging evangelicals continue taking credit for him.
YeehaW! Love me some pot, but always worried about the Keebler. Yes, let’s wait Les. Need to wait.
Hey, don’t go so hard on tRump the schmuck. I hear he’s predicted that he’ll support a bill leaving it to the states to decide the legality of marijuana legalization. Thus essentially rendering current federal BS restrictions mute. A proper conservative position and one liberals/progressives can support.
The cannabis wave may have just gained a head of steam. We’ll have to wait to see as tRump is unpredictable actually.
LOL! Another fun and funny piece from David P., although I’m not sure we should be laughing, I’m sure we need to be laughing, or we would be crying.
Hey now god, leave Gamora Zen Whoberi Ben Titan (comic nerds unite) out of this fuckery, she does not deserve the association at all.