It’s Tough to be a Man in the Age of #MeToo, Baby!

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by Gregory B. Gonzalez

When I was seventeen, there was one day at my high school when I was hanging out with a bunch of other kids in a classroom, joking around. I don’t remember the exact circumstances of why, but it doesn’t really matter. At one point, this cute girl I know walked past my desk and like an idiot, I thought it would be funny to slap her in the ass as she passed me by. As it turned out, everybody laughed, but not because of what I did, but because she turned right around and slapped me back- on the side of my face, hard.

She was angry and started crying. I immediately felt about three inches tall and horrible. I apologized profusely and told her that I didn’t mean anything by it. Even though she didn’t buy my lame excuse, she forgave me because of the remorse I showed over my mistake and on the condition that I promised to NEVER make that same mistake again. And I never have.

Although I did a truly despicable thing that day, I learned a very important lesson- that women are to be respected, they are not objects.

Having said that, I’m not going to say that I’ve been a choirboy my whole life since then- I admit that I’ve done and said a lot of dumb things I regret, but nothing intentional, and nothing I couldn’t come back from. In my dealings with women, I’ve always treated them with respect, but I can’t help it if some things get misinterpreted.

As far as my relationships go, yeah, I’ve dated a lot, and in my younger days, I was considered something of a player, but despite what people might assume, very few of those encounters ended in sex. The truth is,  I only dated all those girls because I was looking for a connection. I could have cared less about getting laid. Even when things became intimate, I was never very aggressive- most of the time I just went along. If I ever sensed any hesitation or heard the word, “stop”, I stopped.

I don’t openly admit it, but hearing or seeing the word ‘rape’ kinda makes me nauseous. I don’t even like movies with rape scenes in them. Hell, I can barely watch the funhouse scene in REVENGE OF THE NERDS, and that sorority chick ended up marrying the geek in later sequels.

Anyway, the point to saying all of this is, why is it so hard for men to just treat women as people rather than just objects to be mounted and ejaculated on? I mean, come on, we all have mothers, sisters, and friends, and we don’t spread our seed on them- why is it so fucking hard to give a random female the same consideration?

Look, I’m not saying you have to totally give up being a chauvinist male pig- men will always be men no matter how much we evolve, but for God’s sake, it is not the hardest thing in existence to not behave like a thirteen-year boy overdosing on hormones nursing his first boner.

If I’m leaving the impression that all men have no restraint, my bad- most of us do. But there is some truth to something comedian Larry Miller once said, “ Ladies, if you knew how men really looked at you, you would NEVER stop slapping us!”

It’s normal to objectify a beautiful woman, but you need to keep in mind that she’s also a person with her own emotions. Case in point, my friend Christine, who has done adult fare, is a good example. Time was, I used to be a huge fan of her work, but since I met her and got to know her, I don’t really watch her stuff anymore. It makes me feel uncomfortable. She probably wouldn’t care, but I do. She’s a great person, and she has a caring heart.

Another friend gave me some great advice when it came to dating. She said, “Follow the woman’s lead,” which basically means to let a woman show you how far she is willing to go. If she stops, then you stop. It’s that simple.  

Guys, you have nothing to prove to anyone. Numbers are meaningless and being an aggressive lover doesn’t get you anywhere but prison. A case of blue balls is a small price to pay against ruining someone’s life.

Women are not ‘the weaker sex’, and when they give themselves, it’s not just a piece of their heart, it’s a piece of their trust, too. Don’t abuse it.

About Post Author

Gregory B. Gonzalez

Gregory B. Gonzalez is an angry black man who isn't actually black. No, really- he told us to say that! His parents once had him tested for Tourette's, but when the doctor came back with his results, he said, "No, he's fine. Your son is just an a**hole!" It's been downhill ever since. He lives like the Unabomber, only without the explosives. Feel free to contact him provided you can actually locate him. Just keep in mind that he'll probably make fun of you to your face. We here at MMA can't stand him, so if you want him, he's all yours!
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Rockync
5 years ago

Gregory b – that is how women become objects. Males begin by identifying a body part to comment on and then the discussion is about boobs or legs or whatever. But not all men. Obviously some men a more enlightened and have changed their own thought processes. It is not enough if you don’t speak up and out against the rape culture. Before you can do that though men first have to do some deep thinking and then accept and acknowledge some uncomfortable truths.

5 years ago

@Rockync- without putting too fine a point on it, I was referring to ‘objectifying’ as to women as a whole on the surface- not just one area of it. Not everyone cares about boobs and butt. I certainly don’t. And yes, it’s natural to objectify someone you’ll probably never see again, but that doesn’t mean you have to treat someone like an object, or leer at them. That’s not respectful.

Rockync
5 years ago

I am glad that what may come out of #MeToo is men re-examining the rape culture we were all born into. One of you statements was most telling, “it is normal to objectify a beautiful woman.” Why? Can her beauty not be appreciated without negating her humanness? Males are encouraged to objectify and that is part of rape culture. Body parts become the focus. Look at that rack! What an ass on her! And soon the woman disappears. We women can raise our voices and our objections but men created rape culture and it will be up to them to change it. Raise your boys to respect women and NEVER point out a body part to focus on. To say she is a beautiful woman is to appreciate. To say she has a great rack is to objectify. Women can’t fix this alone. Step up and speak out men and pay attention to what you do or say. The #MeToo movement is to bring awareness to the millions of us who have been assaulted. Cat calls and disparaging remarks hurt but not as much as being pinned down with a hand over your mouth while someone is trying to rip off your clothes and others are watching. That is terrifying. That is damaging. That is criminal. Many want to downplay the careless cruelty stuff but as they say, one thing leads to another. So, what kind of man do you want to be? What kind of man do you want your son to be?

5 years ago

All I know is that telling a lady you have something special just for her never got anyone anywhere. Doesn’t matter if you’re married to the lady for 35 years or just met her.

Glenn R. Geist
5 years ago

It’s been said that if one is married to the woman in question, you certainly can be wrong – all the time actually, but this is an entirely different matter.

Bill Formby
5 years ago

Just as there are different ways that different men have different views of women there are different ways that different women view themselves. It is a sad state of affairs when these types get their wires crossed. My views of women were always guided by my mother which I have stuck with to this day. Trying to put my self in their position has generally kept me out of trouble. I was taught that a woman would also let you know if they want to be touched. It can be tough though. The so called mating rituals over the last 75 years keep changing. But, as Greg points out, if you one takes their lead from the women one can rarely go wrong.

jess
5 years ago

Not too tough if you are respectful of others men and women imo. Also too guys don’t go round telling people they are fuckable if you just met them, it’s not endearing at all and if you do decide to get handsy, some of us carry purses that have lives of their own. I know my purse has connected with some junk in the last couple of months when a couple guys figured my “beautiful ass was just out there waiting to be felt up” My bag does not like that kind of action at all and goes off on its own 😉

5 years ago

Thanks, Neil! Rachael, Charley’s fine, he’s snoozing on my lap as I write this. Mike, to be honest, I never put much thought into this until lately. I just assumed most guys thought the same as me. I guess I was wrong.

Reply to  Gregory B. Gonzalez
5 years ago

I don’t see that you were wrong.

Admin
5 years ago

I was raised in a different time, and political correctness, which included prescribed, acceptable behavior toward women was vague and left up to the individual. I do not recall this issue ever being addressed until about 20 years ago. Good article.

5 years ago

Very nice indeed Gregory, but how’s Charlie?

Neil Bamforth
5 years ago

Well said!!!

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