Cute Little Bonnets and Republican Social Security Plans

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by Burr Deming

Tiny blue and pink bonnets worn by adorable little babies can teach us something important about the reasons Republicans give for plans to cut Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid. I came across an interesting statistic a few years ago. It seems people with larger hat sizes are more likely to understand higher mathematics.

And it is true. People with larger hat sizes really ARE more likely to be able to put together complicated geometric relationships and to perform complex calculus equations.

There’s a simple reason for this. The scale is weighed down by an obvious biological fact. Small infants, with their cute little blue and pink bonnets, have very small hat sizes. And, by and large, little babies cannot do calculus worth a lick. If you take them out of the comparisons, and only count mature adults, the hat size difference tends to fade away into nothingness.

It’s a statistical trick.

I think about that hat trick every few years as Republicans try to justify putting the knife to benefits for folks my age and older.

Sure enough, we’re hearing more about Republican plans to cut Social Security, Medicare for those of us at or approaching retirement, as well as Medicaid for those in special need. They’ve been calling these programs “entitlements” as a way of making them seem a little like giveaways, undeserved handouts.

Here’s House Majority Leader Paul Ryan, not quite a year ago:

We’re going to have to get back next year at entitlement reform, which is how you tackle the debt and the deficit.

Paul Ryan, December 6, 2017

And just a few weeks ago, Senate Leader Mitch McConnell talked about the growing annual deficit:

It’s very disturbing, and it’s driven by the three big entitlement programs that are very popular: Medicare, Social Security, and Medicaid.

Mitch McConnell, October 16, 2018

There is another reason they want to slash these programs. It is to save them.

You see, these programs are in trouble. They are either close to providing more than they are taking in, or they are already going bust. Depends on which conservative you’re talking to. And, if that continues, those programs will go bust.

Life expectancy is the highest it’s ever been, and it will probably continue going up. Average lifespan in the US in 1900 was 49. Now it’s almost 80. Republicans are really saving these programs by cutting them way back. It’s simple math.

And here’s where hat sizes come in.

Those programs, Social Security, and Medicare, really are putting out more than they are taking in. But life expectancy is not why. In 1900, most people who died before they were 50 died pretty close to age zero. Infant mortality has been high through most of human history. It only started going down when the industrial revolution took hold.

If you consider only those who survived childhood, there was still a lot of death in 1900 that would not be there today. A lot of those victims were young women giving birth.

Those who got to retirement age in those days lived into their early to mid 70s. That late lifespan has increased by a few years. But it does not threaten Social Security or health care. In fact, besides living lives that matter just because they do, those surviving little babies grow into the workers that support those who retire. Increased average life expectancy that comes from a reduction in infant mortality is not the problem. It is part of the solution. It does not threaten retirement programs.

So what does? Well, think history.

In 1945, World War II ended. Youthful soldiers came back to their wives with lust in their hearts. And they begat and begat throughout the 1950s.

We are called baby boomers and we have been overturning tables throughout the American temple ever since.

The retirement benefits issue is not a permanent crisis. In fact, we are all mortal. And we are dying. And so is the crisis.

But even if it is not a permanent crisis, it is a crisis.

Fortunately, there are simple solutions. One is increasing the maximum income level that pays into Social Security. Right now, the very rich do pay Social Security taxes, same as the rest of us. But they only pay on the first 120,000 or so of income. Nothing after that. If we increase that level, along with future benefits, the huge big baby boomer lump will safely ascend into their eventual rapture and everyone left behind will be fine.

If there is one thing Republicans hate more than retirement benefits, it’s taxing the rich.

So there is one other obvious alternative. Increase the number of workers supporting us boomers by contributing to Social Security. That would do the trick.

How do we do that? One way would be to increase immigration. We could put the bronze plaque back on the Statue of Liberty:

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free…

Yeah. Come to our shores and save our elderly.

I’m sure better minds could come up with other solutions to the temporary population blip those my age represent.

We do not need the slashing of retirement benefits proposed by Republicans.

Even cute little babies with their tiny little hats could come up with better options than that.

Many thanks to our partners at FairandUnbalanced.com.

About Post Author

Burr Deming

Burr is a husband, father, and computer programmer, who writes and records from St. Louis. On Sundays, he sings in a praise band at the local Methodist Church. On Saturdays, weather permitting, he mows the lawn under the supervision of his wife. He can be found at FairAndUNbalanced.com
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Glenn R. Geist
5 years ago

I don’t think they give a hoot about the debt either but it gets votes from the masses who think the national debt is like some payday loan where the Jews come and repossess your bass boat if you default. The government can’t default. But as the GOP always raises debt the most – and our current genius businessman seems to be in the lead so far, it’s hard o think they care about it.

Admin
5 years ago

I just don’t believe the Republicans will ever be able to convince the people that cutting “entitlements” will somehow reduce the deficit. Secondly, I don’t give a hollerin’ hoot about the deficit. In the great scheme of things, it’s really just a small amount, and that amount has been used by politicians for years to motivate their schemes, directing them one way or another. It’s all a big scam, rather like hat size and mathematical genius.

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