Charley the Dog-Food Connoisseur
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Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins of man. Having said that, I really don’t think it applies to animals, though it should. Especially to my doggie, Charley.
I like referring to him as a walking stomach lined with fur. No matter what you have in your hands, whether it’s Brussels sprouts or head cheese, he wants a piece of it. He’ll whine and cry until he gets it, too.
Actually, it’s much worse than that. It started when I first got him and he would give me an intense stare that I affectionately referred to as ‘the Jedi mind trick’, which has since been replaced by a look that oozes with guilt for not giving him some of whatever I’m eating. And when you stop to consider how adorable Charley is, it’s difficult to resist. I’m beginning to wonder if he was Jewish in a former life.
Before everybody starts wondering if I fill my little buddy up with crap, I don’t. Well, not much. The sole exception might be Taco Tuesday, in which I might get him a plain soft taco. I mean, after all, I AM Mexican. Sort of. And believe you, me- Charley does understand the words, ‘taco Tuesday’. He also loves the occasional burger and fries from In N Out, too.
He’ll eat anything, even chocolate, which is deadly to him. He once got ahold of a cookie while I wasn’t paying attention. I went into total panic mode after that, thinking he was on the verge of death. I called my friend Alicia, for advice on what to do. She asked me if he were throwing up or had diarrhea, to which I answered no. She told me to keep an eye on him and to let her know if the situation changed. Thankfully, it didn’t. To make sure, I stayed up all night while Charley slept. I was like a nervous father. Thank God I never had kids, because I’d be dead from sleep deprivation by now.
Two of Charley’s great culinary delights are blueberries and pizza. A weird combination, I know, but as I’ve said many times, Charley is not your run of the mill pooch. Trust me, if you have a blueberry in your hand, be prepared to have bite marks on your fingers. I don’t even have fingerprints anymore. As far as pizza goes, I don’t actually give him a slice; I just give the boy some sausage or pepperoni and the occasional piece of pineapple and crust. Charley devours it.
The funny thing is, Charley just hoovers his food like it’s a going to grow legs and speed off. If I give him a hamburger or taco meat, POOF! Gone. If I give him something, half a second later, it’s like it was never there. Charley has a great future as a magician if I can ever teach him to sit first. Then he has the nerve to hit me up for more, if you can believe that. 
It’s only been lately that he’s become a bit more discerning about food. When I took my Mom out to lunch at this dog-friendly restaurant for her birthday, I ordered some chicken for him, which included rice and carrots. When it came, he sniffed it and gave me a look that said, “I’m not eating this crap!” At which point he promptly lifted his leg and took a piss on it.
Needless to say, they asked us not to come back. Good for them that dogs don’t give Yelp reviews. You think?
Last week, I was eating some fruit when he came sniffing around again. I didn’t have any blueberries, so I gave him a strawberry instead. He took it, sniffed it, and refused to eat it.
I was like, “Are you serious? Every living thing on Earth loves the taste of strawberries, and that’s the one thing you can’t abide?”
Charley just snorted and went into the kitchen for some kibble. I guess you just can’t please some people.
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You have just created a monster Greg, Rascal takes the approach of, “I want to see what else you have to offer.” I can put a steak in front of him and he will sniff it and go lie down and wait to see if I have something else to offer and if it smells better. Only when I have sat down to eat will he go to his plate and eat. His favorite is roast beef from Arby’s but it is the same old routine. He will sniff his and wait to see if I might offer him a filet I guess. Once I go sit down to eat mine he will wait, just to be sure, then he goes to his dish and vacuums up a pound of roast beef in about 20 seconds. Then I tell him “No, this mine” he will go outside and process it through his body.
LOVE YOU CHARLEY!!!! <3 <3
Hey Charley!! We love you, and where have you been?
I ❤ Charley!!!!!
I watch mine like a hawk too. I don’t give them people food though because I eat a vegan diet and they too turn their tiny noses up at that like bitch please, get me some meat or just fuck off with this veggie bullshit**.
**This is the convo I imagine my dogs having, not that I have actually heard them say this so you all know 😉
LOL! I get it entirely 🙂 🙂
They do love to eat our pups. Mine, like Charley, are eating machines 🙂