When LGBT Was Nearly My Cup Of Tea

by Neil Bamforth

I posted a cartoon joke on Facebook the other day. By the time half a dozen FB chums had replied with laughing faces (emojis?) it had vanished. It’s was back within about 15 minutes. Facebook is notoriously difficult to contact but, after a serious issue with my page several years ago I have an e-mail to them that, much to my amazement, still worked.

I mailed them and asked why it had vanished. They replied that it may be offensive to the LGBT community. I responded that ‘It – is – a – joke’ (as if I was speaking to a small child who didn’t understand). I also pointed out that the joke was also on hetero-sexual males if you think about it.

They must have agreed as it returned shortly afterwards. Perhaps my suggestion that anything that doesn’t incite hatred or violence is actually ‘freedom of speech’ may, or may not, have played a part in it returning.

Anyway. Fair enough FB. It was sorted.

The cartoon incidentally was in two frames. Both had a man and woman lying in bed. In the first frame the woman says to the man “I have a confession. I used to be a Christian”. The man responds with “Doesn’t worry me babe”. In the second frame the mans eyes are wide with surprise and, possibly, shock as the woman continues “Awesome! I much prefer being a Christine”.

It is a completely harmless joke – unless you are one of those people looking for some reason to be offended of course. Amusing to some and downright funny to others. The offended? Get a life.

This little tale reminded me of something from many years ago.

At a company Christmas party, a new girl who every red blooded male in the company had noticed since her arrival, approached me with some mistletoe and we shared a kiss. Just a peck I hasten to add.

She then made it clear that she was, shall we say, open to more than that.

Petite, blond and, frankly, gorgeous. My ego was virtually exploding as many jealous colleagues looked on clearly aware that I had beaten them to it so to speak.

I politely declined. I was, and remain, happily married. I know some chaps would think ‘what’s the harm?’ and, indeed, prior to meeting my wife I would, without a doubt, have taken the gorgeous young lady up on her offer.

Her reaction was marvelous. She approved of my sincerity and loyalty, even making some comment about ‘hoping to find a man who would behave as I had’ or something like that.

I left the Christmas party extremely drunk with a glowing ego and a completely clear conscience.

Three weeks later I learned – I forget how exactly – that Nova, which was her name, was once Nigel. I kid you not.

I remember thinking that ‘Nova’ was an unusual name but thought no further beyond that. She was stunningly beautiful. She was, when I think on it, way ‘out of my league’. How couldn’t I have known?

Well, I didn’t know.

I have wondered occasionally, when I remember this incident, how I would have reacted, had I been free and single at the time, to finding this out.

Would there have been any ‘tell tale’ signs? Would she have told me at some point? Would I have just found out somehow as I did? Regardless of any of that, how would I have reacted?

The honest answer is I have no idea. I believe I know but, as we all know, believing how you would react to any given situation is frequently different to how you do react if you find yourself in any given situation.

I believe I would have reacted with surprise – who wouldn’t? – but I also believe I would have ‘taken it on the chin’ so to speak. She was, after all, a beautiful woman.

Could I have coped with my Nova having formally been Nigel? I am, and have always been, staunchly hetero-sexual. I have never felt remotely attracted to a man in any physical or sexual sense. That wasn’t my decision so much as the way I am I suppose. You are born as you are and there isn’t much you can do about it.

Of course I will never know but, for some reason, I do find it an interesting conundrum in my memory.

How, as a man, do you think you would have reacted if you had been single at the time. Trust me, you wouldn’t have been able to resist her if you were single.

Come to that, for the ladies, how would you react if, as a single girl, you had found a Nigel who was once a Nova?

I am genuinely curious, if only because I will never know where, if anywhere, such a relationship would have gone if it had been possible for me to have one.

Perhaps it’s just as well I was, and remain, happily married and eternally faithful.

Me. A romantic old softie. Oh dear. Reputation ruined πŸ˜‰

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Posted by on January 3, 2019. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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14 Responses to When LGBT Was Nearly My Cup Of Tea

  1. jess Reply

    January 3, 2019 at 11:51 am

    I’d like to think I would be okay with it. Surprised maybe at first but I’d be down with getting down with the one I am attracted to, be that male or female. Speaking of dates and going out, I did meet someone on New Years eve you guys, that I have made a date with for this weekend. We shall see how it goes. I am very nervous because I have not been on a date date for many many years, unless Kent was involved with it and I kind of feel like I am cheating and being unfaithful, is that weird or what?

    • Michael John Scott Reply

      January 3, 2019 at 1:56 pm

      Not cheating Jess. You have waited a respectable amount of time and I doubt Kent would want to see you sitting at home not having relationship fun. Have fun!!

      • jess Reply

        January 3, 2019 at 2:26 pm

        I know just kind of a weird thing for me is all. Told my best friend he has to still be my 10 o’clock bail out call** and he just laughed at me, saying that I am never going to change at all.

        **If your date is going badly this is the omg my friend needs me because he/she has (insert made up bad situation here) and I need to go be with them call.

        • Michael John Scott Reply

          January 3, 2019 at 2:37 pm

          Bailout calls are smart, just in case, and from time to time there is a “just in case.” I hope you won’t need to use one this weekend.

          • jess Reply

            January 3, 2019 at 3:01 pm

            Well he does seem nice but so did Ted Bundy. 29, younger than me but I am okay with that πŸ˜‰ a firefighter for 2 years and some change and from all I could gather a staunch liberal :).

            • Michael John Scott Reply

              January 3, 2019 at 9:59 pm

              Friends here Jess. All of us, with you, and each other. If that guy treats you poorly though let me know. I will find him, and I WILL kill him πŸ™‚

  2. Neil Bamforth Reply

    January 3, 2019 at 1:35 pm

    You are neither cheating nor being unfaithful Jess. End of. Enjoy! X

    • jess Reply

      January 3, 2019 at 2:43 pm

      I know, it’s just a weird thing in my head.

      • Neil Bamforth Reply

        January 3, 2019 at 3:35 pm

        That’s cool. You loved and, sadly, lost but, the one you lost loved you right back and, therefore, wants you to be happy and fulfilled – as I would Carol and she would me.

        Mind you, I’d never find anyone to put up with me like Carol does πŸ™‚

  3. Holte Ender Reply

    January 3, 2019 at 5:11 pm

    My guess is you’re are pretty good judge of people Jess. You will be fine.

    • jess Reply

      January 3, 2019 at 5:14 pm

      I dunno about that Holte, I like you lot here πŸ™‚

      • Neil Bamforth Reply

        January 4, 2019 at 5:22 am

        May I say Jess, and have the impertinence to say it on behalf of everyone at MMA, you deserve happiness and I hope so much that you find it again xx

  4. Holte Ender Reply

    January 3, 2019 at 6:36 pm

    Yeah but if you sat down with us for a cocktail, you might change your mind.

    You will be fine. Firefighters are down to earth guys, they’ve seen too much to be any different.

  5. Joe Hagstrom Reply

    January 3, 2019 at 9:42 pm

    If you meet someone at the funeral that helps you get through it and makes you feel good then I say go for it. I actually advised a person I knew whose situation was kind of like yours this about 25 years ago. It worked out fine for her. She didn’t marry the guy but I see no need to serve any kind of penance for tragedy. Be happy Jess.

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