- CRITTER TALK
- NEWS I FIND INTERESTING
It’s not just the way she looks. I mean, I can handle the fact that she looks like Jabba the Hutt on Slim-Fast, dressed in drag, wearing a cheap wig and sporting a pearl necklace. It’s that she speaks in that sugary, deep fried, southern accent that makes me want to shove my hand down my sink’s garbage disposal unit. It’s also the lies she spouts with a straight face. If I were in that press room with her, it would take every last ounce of restraint to keep from screaming, “LYING BITCH!” and jumping onto the stage and throttling the life out of her. I don’t know how Jim Acosta does it.
I’m kinda glad Trump told her not to bother with press conferences anymore. I don’t mind her getting paid to do nothing. If it keeps her blowhole shut, so much the better. Trump might as well have told her, “Don’t bother. Nobody’s buying it anymore!”
But of course, a mouthpiece that doesn’t talk is a ball gag. Which is what I wish she had. A few days ago, she told reporters, “l think God calls all of us to fill different roles at different times, and I think he wanted Donald Trump to become president.”
Do you REALLY think God hates humanity so much that he would force that tangerine pestilence on us? Personally, I give God more credit than that. Besides, God had nothing to do with foisting that walking cyst on us. Putin, the red states, and the electoral college did. So if by God, Sanders means Vladimir Putin, she may have been right. Besides, Vladimir probably thinks of himself as a deity anyway. The guy takes shirtless pictures of himself, for crying out loud.
But she’s not the first religious whackjob to say that a Republican was ‘ordained’ to be President. They said the same thing about George W. Bush, too. And in response, I always ask the same question- “If that’s the case, then either you’re an idiot, or God’s a dick! Which is it?” To this day, I’ve never gotten a satisfactory answer.
For that matter, why are republicans the only ones who get ordained to be president? Wouldn’t the same standard apply to democrats as well? Kinda hypocritical, don’t you think? But here’s the difference for those of you keeping score- Clinton and Obama actually WON their respective elections. Bush and Donnie were appointed. They didn’t win the popular vote. Kinda seems to me that the democrats have more right to claim to be ‘ordained’ than the republicans. Or is my logic flawed?
Getting back to the orange skidmark that walks, Evangelicals in this country actually consider him to be a man of God. Sure, he is. Just like Kim Kardashian is a woman of chaste and virtue. The guy can’t name one single book of the bible and probably couldn’t give you God’s actual name, much less spell it.
Evangelicals have to be the stupidest, most hypocritical people on Earth. I wish the Rapture would happen if only just so they would go the Hell away. They’re not interested in being Christian, they’re only interested in telling you how Christian you’re not. I love it when they tell me I’m going to burn in Hell. I’m like, “Are you gonna be in Heaven?” The answer is usually an ironclad certainty. Then I say, “Then I’ll be happy to burn for Eternity!”
What is it with these idiots? They think that just because they masturbate with a bible and kill an hour in church, they’ve somehow got the moral high ground?
NEWSFLASH: The Earth is OLDER than five thousand years, dinosaurs didn’t exist in biblical times, the ten commandments are bullshit, evolution is REAL, and the Lord DID NOT make Donald Trump President!
Wake up and smell the sacramental wine! End rant.
Oh, and the next time some mouth breather says, “Jesus loves you,” tell them, “Really? He’s been my gardener for years and never said a thing to me!”