We Republicans Love God—We Just Don’t Like Jesus

by Joe Hagstrom

What really sets us apart from Democrats is our embracing of hate and bigotry. Haters and bigots and religious zealots vote. A large percentage of nice people don’t. The apathetic don’t vote at all. The nice claim to be non political, and the apathetic claim there is nobody worth voting for. Republicans don’t worry about them. All we have to do is focus on our base and be faithful the Democrats will continue to focus resources on people who don’t vote.

You have to get people angry, or keep them angry, to get them to the polls. Then keep them focused on whomever the rich white guys want them to vote for. Loyalty focused anger is what we Republicans excel at. It’s how we can have a President that is by all accounts a buffoon. Many high level Republicans chastise the hell out of him. But because we focus the base on why we’re better, not even a morning media titan like Joe Scarborough matters even though he slams Trump countless times a day.

What this comes down to is Republicans are assholes. We focus on getting assholes to vote and we present our candidates as assholes. Congressman Peter King is a bigoted asshole. He thrives on it. And while alot of us are demanding the governor from Virginia, Ralph Northam resign, we sure as hell don’t want King to go. This isn’t about racism to us. It’s about the monopoly we Republicans feel we rightfully own on assholes.

Some may argue that a guy like Bill Maher who has a show he uses to be an asshole to Republicans is an asshole. He doesn’t qualify as an asshole since most of his jokes have a basis in fact and assholes don’t care about facts. And he throws like a girl. That’s what some people are saying and it must be true since he’s a liberal atheist and they all throw like girls and cry at weddings. Pansy asshole wannabe is what Maher is.

Former Governor Chris Christie is a grand example of our love of assholes. When he is acting like that asshole he truly is we Republicans love him. We loved him when he was screwing things up in New Jersey. But when he warmed up to President Obama after the big storm that ravaged New Jersey, and even hugged some people, the idiots on the left warmed up to him but we real Americans hated him. He flips the asshole switch quite often.

He’s currently in not as big an asshole mode cause he’s trying to sell his book. But once Trump holds out a crumb to him he will be back in full asshole mode. Funny how short attention spans are. Yet we can go back 30 or 40 years and find something a guy did or said and spend months beating it to death. Democrats live for this stuff. Piling on is their version of Hunger Games. If they were smart they’d put Northam on their presidential ticket and sweep the southern states.

Racists, homophobes, zealots; they’re all assholes. They all love assholes. Dick Cheney is an icon. They claim God made Trump President. You notice how we mention God at every opportunity and not His Son. That’s because we Republicans love assholes. Not the Gay way even though many of our evangelical leaders closetly love assholes in the gay way, but in the positive and patriotic way. And God can be a real asshole.

You think Trump is an asshole for separating children from their parents at the border. And now having virtually no way to get them back together? Hah! God had His servants kill or enslave women and children. He destroyed cities. He sent a big flood that killed off all the humans on Earth except for Noah and his family. He turned a Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt. This guy is our kind of asshole. Unlike the kind Jesus. Jesus was way too nice for us to be mentioning. Love thy neighbor as thyself? Screw that nonsense. We say build a wall and let em starve. That’s their problem for God choosing them to not live in America. They should suffer.

The Good Samaritan? What was wrong with that guy? Our taxes are high enough without spending money and time to tend to a guy that was dumb enough to get himself mugged. He probably deserved it anyway for being a liberal.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone? What the hell does that have to do with punishing criminals? Stone the tramp, That’s what she gets for breaking the law. Now that doesn’t mean we should demand Trump obey the law. That’s different.

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Posted by on February 4, 2019. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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6 Responses to We Republicans Love God—We Just Don’t Like Jesus

  1. jess Reply

    February 4, 2019 at 6:09 pm

    Oh but tell any of these haters they are haters and you are the bad one. So many happy clapping holy rollers have told me I am going to hell I’ve told them that’s okay, when I get there I will organize the welcoming committees and if I should see you there you are not allowed in with the coll kids, pisses them off 🙂

  2. Bill Formby Reply

    February 4, 2019 at 6:22 pm

    Joe you are actually right. Many of the found Deists.

  3. Joe Hagstrom Reply

    February 4, 2019 at 7:00 pm

    I’ve also found if you tell a wacked out righty he hayes America that will make them cry. I love the irony of my God loving republican party. We’re supposed to love haters but hate the peace loving hippie types that want us to love things we have to hate.

  4. Glenn Geist Reply

    February 5, 2019 at 10:12 am

    God – the one promoted by all the prophets I can think of is an invention for the purpose of intimidation; intimidation in the quest to return to a mythological past when everybody loved God (which is like the first two weeks of existence) and most of all when they obeyed and fed and enriched the priests and authorities.

    God certainly is the son of man, or at least the men who would be kings. Go to an evangelical church sometime – roll around with the holy and the word you will hear most often above the incoherent babble is POWER.

  5. Glenn Geist Reply

    February 5, 2019 at 10:19 am

    Oh, and most people miss the point of the parable in Luke. A Samaritan was chosen to be the hero because the religious establishment considered them not to be of “the people” because they did not partake of the complete rebuild of the religion after 80 years in Babylon. They did not recognize the Temple and had their own pre-exilic versions of the “scriptures”

    This was Luke’s effort to trash the priests and the Temple as the instrument of power and Roman power at that – thus Jesus, in the person of an inferior sort of Jew, was for the people and against the mighty oppressors. What self respecting televangelist is going to back someone like Jesus when the real God stands for POWER

  6. Joe Hagstrom Reply

    February 5, 2019 at 9:06 pm

    I have new respect for Luke.

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