In One Second- A Short Story

by Gregory B. Gonzalez

Everything was black, although it felt like the world was spinning. I want to open my eyes, but it feels as if my lids have gone from being made of flesh and turned to lead. I know I haven’t been drinking, it hasn’t been that kind of day. I want to move, but I feel like I’m pinned between two walls, as though I’m Luke Skywalker caught in the garbage chute. Too bad Princess Leia isn’t with me. I could use a braless hottie right about now.

On second thought, scratch that. Luke and Leia are related. The last thing I wanna do is start picturing my sister’s cleavage in my face. That would be fine if I lived in the Appalachians, not in California. I try to move, but I can’t- It’s like I’m being squished between my parents in church on Sunday morning, if they were hard, sharp, and prickly. Then again, maybe I am stuck in church.

But the last time I checked, church didn’t reek of motor oil, transmission fluid, and gas fumes. What the Hell happened to me? The last thing I remember was waiting in the center of the street to turn left, and then nothing. Well, that’s not totally true, I kind of remember seeing something smacking into me, but it’s so damned hard to focus. My head is throbbing with pain and even though my eyes are open now, everything is a blur.

A shadow rolled across my line of sight, and I heard a voice say, “Hey, buddy, how you doing? You okay?”

Considering I had no idea what was going on or what happened, I mumbled, “Everything is just peachy. Can I get a mountain dew, some guacamole, and chips?”

There was a long pause, then, “Do you know where you are?”

“The drive-thru speaker at Taco Bell?”

In a sympathetic tone, the voice said, “No, you’ve been in an accident.”

“No wonder my shorts feel mushy,” I replied.

The voice stifled a chuckle. Now that my head was clearing a little, I could discern it as being feminine. She said, “I’m sorry. Have you defecated?”

“No, but judging from the way I feel, I would not be surprised in the slightest.” I tried to move or sit up, but I couldn’t. I was wedged in tighter than a thong up a stripper’s butt-cheeks. At least it’s nice to know my warped sense of humor is still intact.

The blurry woman gently patted my shoulder and told me, “Just relax. You’ve been in a car accident. The police were chasing a stolen work truck that t-boned your SUV. I’m an EMT, and the fire department is here. They’re going to have to cut you out of the car. Try to sit back and relax.”

I was trying hard not to freak out. Other than my head and blurred vision, I felt okay. But I’ve seen enough GREYS ANATOMY to know that I might have internal injuries, so I did the same thing I always did in hard times- I joked my way through it. “Well, this sucks! I just got this thing detailed!”

This time, the female EMT laughed. “You’re funny.”

I said, “I’ll be even funnier once they put me in a body cast.”

“Are you in any other pain?” She asked.

“As the saying goes, it only hurts when I laugh.”

It took a solid hour for emergency services to cut me loose, strap the neck brace on me, and load me onto a gurney. I felt fine. My vision had returned, and I just had what felt like the mother of all migraines. But I knew the drill- they had to take me to the hospital anyway.

As they loaded me in the ambulance, I turned to the female EMT who comforted me and said, “Listen, I know this is probably the most awkward and inappropriate time to ask, but after they kick me out of the hospital, would you like to have dinner with me?”

The EMT replied, “I really shouldn’t be doing this, but sure, why not?”

Even though it hurt my face to do it, I gave her a wide grin. “Awesome! I’m Peter, what’s your name?”

She put her hand over mine and gently grasped it. “Roxanne.”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I met my wife.

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Posted by on April 8, 2019. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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9 Responses to In One Second- A Short Story

  1. jess Reply

    April 8, 2019 at 5:15 pm

    I know you can’t see it but I’m a braless hottie right now. I have nothing to speak of tits wise, unless looking like a 12 year old boy works for you in a woman, but I am braless 🙂

  2. Gregory B. Gonzalez Reply

    April 8, 2019 at 7:03 pm

    Ooookay…. I have no idea how to respond to that, but if you’re saying it made you hot, well then, um… thanks, I guess. Oh yeah, and my email is [email protected] if you want to talk. Or email, or whatever. You know, just friends. Yikes. 😳

    • Tall Stacey Reply

      April 8, 2019 at 9:53 pm

      I’m braless too, in case you have an interest in 6 ft. 2 in. 70 year old with great legs …. LOL

      • jess Reply

        April 8, 2019 at 10:26 pm

        We’re just going to confuse the poor guy with all the choice he has Stacey 🙂

    • jess Reply

      April 8, 2019 at 10:25 pm

      I like nice stories about how two people meet.

  3. Gregory B. Gonzalez Reply

    April 8, 2019 at 10:54 pm

    It makes me happy that you enjoyed it, Jess. And Stacey, thanks for the offer, but I’m not particularly interested in anyone right now. Not while I’m still recovering.

    I wrote this story based on the outcome of an actual car chase that occurred last week, and also as a creative exercise. I bought a book called, “642 Things To Write About”, and this was one of the prompts. I liked it and thought Mike might publish it. There will be more down the line. I’m trying different things.

  4. Bill Formby Reply

    April 9, 2019 at 6:26 pm

    Gee Greg, glad you did not die in the accident. Keep working on your creativity. You are improving. 🙂

  5. Gregory B. Gonzalez Reply

    April 9, 2019 at 8:59 pm

    Not a story about me, Bill. It’s totally made up.

    • Bill Formby Reply

      April 10, 2019 at 3:08 pm

      Well, actually I knew that Greg. I was commending you on the realism you lent to the story. 🙂

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