Reparations Are the Republican Way

by Joe Hagstrom

There’s been lots of talk about reparations for the descendants of slaves lately. Of course, we all know it’s a pander to get Blacks to vote for whomever is calling for reparations but we all pander to somebody so what the hell.

Most of my fellow Republicans decry the thought of reparations to Blacks, Not that we have anything against government giving money to people. We just want it given to Republicans.
Farmers for the most part vote Republican. We give them plenty of money. Probably more per capita than any other group. That’s okay. It’s not socialism. It’s just repatriating hard-earned dollars to Republicans. Yay ethanol even though it costs more and uses more fuel to make than just pumping gasoline. But the refiners and oil companies need repatriating of dollars also. And they are mostly Republicans. It’s a good thing.

A bunch of companies are in the news today for not paying any federal taxes. The tax cuts must be working, For them anyway. And I have a strong feeling most of the CEO’s of these companies donated money and gave bigly support to President Trump. Good to see that companies that get tax breaks for the expense of moving operations overseas are getting some reparations in return. I mean repatriation. But God forbid any laid off employees get any reparations. There’s plenty of jobs now anyway. They’ll be fine. And soon we Republicans will have Obamacare completely dismantled so they won’t have to worry about the expense of health insurance forced down their throats by big brother. And this will promote more prayers which will lead to better health for poor people who don’t have health insurance. Yay Mike Pence. Now that’s a health care plan that is great.

I see the owner of the Chicago Cubs, Mr. Rickets, is going to do a bunch of work on Trump’s 2020 campaign. I think Mr. Rickets got a bunch of repatriation money for improvements to Wrigley Field and other stuff from the government. Mr. Rickets owns the Chicago Cubs. He’s also a billionaire. If anyone deserved some reparations it’s him. Especially after his team let Jake Arrieta go to sign that Korean pitcher to a multi multi million dollar contract and I think the guy has yet to even throw a strike. He has been on the disabled list. Which is good for the Cubs since he can’t get anybody out anyway. But this is just more proof billionaires make mistakes also. They need a break. Life is hard.

The bleeding hearts will bring up all the bad stuff that Blacks have suffered. The discrimination. Lynchings. Denial of opportunities. Whether it be jobs or educational or where they can live. All this may well be true. But that’s still better than a poor billionaire being on the hook for 100 million dollars to a pitcher that can’t pitch. Or a guy on Social Security disability that parades around in a MAGA hat demanding government keep it’s hands off Social Security and screaming against socialism to any poor soul within earshot.

As my good friend Sarah Sanders would point out if she were asked, Blacks got it pretty darn good. You can buy a house in their neighborhood cheap. There always seems to be a kind police officer around keeping an eye on them. Blacks are safer now more than ever. There is no ill will from we Republicans toward them. Some of our favorite people are Black. We Republicans love Uncle Remus and Uncle Tom. We really adore Aunt Jemima.

Clarence Thomas is a good one. There’s four. Proof that our being against reparations for Blacks is not a racial thing. We love reparations. And just as soon as the Blacks we don’t like start supporting Donald Trump and other great Americans we’ll be glad to repatriate money to them. The program is working well for the rich and the farmers and the corporations. So put on a MAGA hat, donate to the Trump reelection committee and we’ll show you the money.

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Posted by on April 14, 2019. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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4 Responses to Reparations Are the Republican Way

  1. Glenn Geist Reply

    April 14, 2019 at 8:14 am

    I don’t know Mr. Rickets, but I have close friends who do. So many of the people I know are in fact old white millionaires and especially during the previous administration, dinner table conversations often decried the prime motivation of Democrats: getting free stuff.

    While the idea of jabbing sharp objects into these people and their egos is appealing, it’s hard to imagine an America that so actively might disperse cash based on some pseudo-scientific assessment of race and history. It will not become law in this century. It has not become law in all the other countries that practiced slavery or the slave trade elsewhere and yes, Virginia, all the colonial powers did have slaves. Many African countries had slaves and sole them as their prime export commodity. Don’t forget that the British planters who owned slaves in the American South were previously British. By writing checks to people who seem to be dark skinned, you’re writing checks to the descendants of George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, and paying those checks are the descendants of those who fought to free them, my own ancestors included. I know, I know, the Woke Folk will be all over me, but then vengeance is as blind as justice and a lot less elusive.

    They owe us” says the poster. It did not discuss how we determine who are “they” and who are “us” and if you think about it it’s one of the details wherein the Devil doth dwell. We are talking about two new classes of citizen: victim and perpetrator, which as things are so many years ex post facto is hard to determine. Do we do DNA tests and require certified affidavits of family history? Not likely or nearly as likely as fraud – massive fraud. How many generations both white, black and others have come here since 1865? How many “drops” of blood does one require to be “black?” I’m not comfortable with having to carry a Racial Origin card as Germans once did. It puts the last nail into the coffin of e pluribus unum

    It’s not that I wouldn’t like to convey some counterbalancing force to level the playing field – education opportunities, for instance, but cash payments in my opinion are a “cold, dead fingers” point for a great many Americans and will be proof positive for so many of the true purpose of the Democratic Party that they will not get enough votes in the next election to make them worth counting. A vote for this is two votes for Trump.

  2. Joe Hagstrom Reply

    April 14, 2019 at 9:32 am

    On a side note, this issue and others that sound nice to certain groups but will never happen, one wonders how much of the attention is produced by right wing groups to distract from other issues that matter. If Al Sharpton likes it everyone knows the bigots and homophobes won’t. And voters will vote against someone or something far more often and predictably than they will vote for someone.

  3. Glenn Geist Reply

    April 14, 2019 at 10:02 am

    Good point!

  4. Michael John Scott Reply

    April 14, 2019 at 5:12 pm

    Agreed. Every word.

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