When Rape Is Not a Joke
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George Carlin famously said that you can joke about anything, including sensitive subjects such as rape. It just depends on the context of the joke.
I was reading an article yesterday about a democratic Congressman, David Cicilline, and the threat a Trump supporter left on his email. The man who left the voicemail ranted, “Just a message for the corrupt, treasonous piece of sht, fcking Congressman Cicilline. Fck you, you traitor. I cannot wait until you’re rotting in a cell in Gitmo. Fck you.” That charmer has made similar threats to other democrats and has now been arrested. But really, it has nothing to do with rape. It has more to do with a comment I wrote in regard to the story.
Being no stranger to dealing with psychotic Trumpthumpers, I recalled an incident that happened on Twitter. I wrote, “A Trump supporter once threatened to rape my wife. I told him I was divorced, she was a republican, and I couldn’t stand her. Then I said, ‘Want her number?’ LOL!” I left it at that, figuring no one would be dumb enough to believe that I was serious.
Then a woman responded, “Gregory, that’s not funny.”
I was tempted to tell her, “Screw you! I think it’s hilarious!”, thinking she was another one of these uber-sensitive, politically correct, touchy-feely progressive types. You know, the ones who get bent out of shape over EVERYTHING. Those people irritate the Hell out of me. I mean, grow a set of balls and just ignore it if you don’t like it, for crying out loud. As any comedian will tell you, not every joke is a winner.
Instead of tearing into this person the way I normally would, I was feeling uncommonly charitable. I responded with, “I didn’t actually give it to him. The jerk laughed it off and that was that. Grow a sense of humor.”
I suppose that would have mollified anyone else, but if you’ve ever encountered a hardcore progressive, then you know they will stop at nothing to convince you not only of how wrong you are, but how wrong it is that you thought it in the first place. She shot back with, “I’ve been raped twice. There is nothing funny about it.”
This left me with a quandary on how to respond. Admittedly, I had my doubts about whether she’d been a rape victim or was simply claiming to be one in order to make me feel ashamed for my joke. I wasn’t in any position to decide either way. It may not be a popular opinion to say out loud, but I’m not one of those liberals who say that ‘the woman must be believed’. Which is not to say I don’t, but I do believe in hearing both sides of the story, in which case most of the time, a man’s version of the story is always pure horseshit.
At any rate, I didn’t want to take the chance of saying anything to provoke her either way. So I responded with, “While I’m very sorry about that, I beg to differ. A joke is a joke— it’s all about the context. I said that because I knew that moron was blowing smoke and even if he meant it, I wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone. I was offended he even said it to begin with. But I chose to blow it off with humor. You may not think it’s funny, and I understand why, but it’s not my lack of understanding or my sense of humor that you seem to have a problem with. Instead of giving me crap for my admittedly insensitive joke, how about you just don’t pay any attention to it? End of discussion. Done.”
That seemed to be the end of it, but it got me thinking. Yes, rape is a very touchy subject, and joking about it probably isn’t very smart, but it really does depend on how you approach it. It’s not like I would say, “Walk it off!” to somebody who has just been assaulted, or tell a victim of incest, “At least he kept it in the family!” Now THOSE jokes are tasteless and insensitive. As a rule, I don’t even joke about rape unless it has to do with some scumbag going to prison and dropping the soap.
Rape isn’t a joke, but it’s kinda funny that the evangelicals and Republicans don’t seem to take it all that seriously. They almost think it’s a God-given right and a blessing. Men aren’t complicit in sexual assault; it’s always the women who are at fault for making themselves the object of temptation. Or when a woman is raped and gets pregnant, the child is somehow a gift from God? Give me a frickin’ break. It makes me sick how some states want to give rapists parental rights. Seriously? Like anybody really thinks these assholes are going to be great father figures? Please. Ward Cleaver they ain’t. Why would you give a rapist parental rights? It’s not like they’re gonna be paying child support.
I was 17 when I saw The Accused with Jodie Foster. The rape scene made me sick, and still does. I don’t, and never have bought into the excuse that a woman brings it on herself. It’s a chickenshit argument. It’s an admission of weakness in that the only way you can assert power is by hurting someone weaker than you.
When I initially made that joke about my ex-wife, I didn’t mean it. I may not like her after what she did to me, (she cheated,) but I would never wish that fate on her or anyone, and I would do everything in my power to prevent it from happening.
Do I regret making that joke? Maybe a little bit, but at the end of the day, I’m not the one who made the actual threat to do it in the first place. That was an acolyte of the squatter in the White House, which pretty much tells you all you need to know about them and the man they idolize.
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Look, I can understand and sympathize with a person’s feelings even if I don’t necessarily agree with them. And when it comes to people whom I care about, I don’t hold it against them.
My dad would tell me often he was so glad I was that person more times than I was not. Then in the very next breath, he was telling me to use my head for more than a hat stand, so it always kind of evened out 😉
I’m not angry with you, Jess. How can I get angry at my biggest fan over a difference of opinion? Nothing but love for ya. ❤
Jess, the main reason I made the that particular joke about my ex-wife wasn’t because I wished her any harm, but because I was pointing out the irony to that moron of threatening to assault one of his own. If I HAD been married AND to someone who was a liberal, I never would have made it in the first place.
Beyond that, as I was saying, I don’t usually joke about rape. But having said that, I don’t think that word should have the power that it does on women who have been assaulted, because I think it makes them feel tainted and powerless. It doesn’t. It’s just a word, but that doesn’t lessen its gravity.
Personally, I think rape should be a capital crime instead of the way the courts let it skate sometimes. At the very least- it should be an automatic ten years in prison.
Oh no I got that reading between the lines from you. I was agreeing with the person that told you don’t do that it ins’t cool and just saying I am always THAT person no matter the context. I don’t care the context. Rape is never funny to me, even prison rape. NOT FUNNY. Just because someone is incarcerated does not mean they have to be violated in such a horrific manner. Imagine it was you for a second and you were in there for forging a check and you get put in a cell with someone who decided he wanted to rape you, still funny. AYUP, didn’t think so. See not funny anymore is it? See, I am THAT person 🙂 Admit it, you love me because I am THAT person.
I think we all do.
oooh, I am THAT person as anyone here will probably tell you not funny, maybe I’ve done it to you Greg. I jump on anyone’s shit that does rape jokes. Rape is NEVER funny, no matter what context it is done in. Bleeding heart liberal I am and wear it fucking proudly as all of you here know but rape, it is all about power and control over another person and violating something so personal so central to you, nope not thing fucking one to be joked about. I know at least a million times I have jumped on the shit of someone here about prison rape jokes, maybe more than a million times 🙂
I’m with Jess, and with Greg, because this sends a good message, and I’m sure you’ll be forgiven for the joke.