Being Pro-choice Is Not Pro-abortion
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A friend of mine once declared on Facebook, “I am pro-life. I believe that every child has the right to be born. But that is a choice I would only make for myself. I wouldn’t make the same decision for anyone else.”
At which point I commented, “So essentially, you’re saying you’re pro-choice.”
She said, “No! I hate abortion!”
I pointed out the obvious. “But you just said you wouldn’t take that choice away from somebody else.”
“How can I be pro-choice when I’m against abortion?” She raged.
I said, “I’m just repeating what you said. And for the record, being pro-choice is NOT being pro-abortion. NOBODY IS PRO-ABORTION. Being pro-choice means that you understand that it’s a woman’s personal decision and an OPTION. She DOESN’T have to take it. I don’t like abortion either, but it’s not my call to make, which is my point.“
Things kind of fell apart after that. It’s amazing how people are incapable of understanding the distinction between ‘pro-choice’ and ‘pro-abortion’. To be perfectly honest, I don’t even really know why we’re still having this debate almost fifty years after Roe V. Wade. The republicans don’t even really care about it, they only use it as a wedge issue around election season to fire up the Evangelical base. All of which would be fine provided it went nowhere, but with Trump in office, the Supreme Court gone full-blown conservative, and Alabama banning abortion altogether, there’s a real possibility that Abortion laws could be repealed. I dunno about you, but that scares the Hell out of me, and I don’t even have a uterus.
Being a liberal, it might surprise you to know that I abhor abortion as much as the next person, and if a woman came to me seeking advice on what to do, I’d probably do everything I could to make her aware of every option short of that. But I know that if she had already made her decision, I would respect it. And no, that doesn’t mean I support it, but then again, it’s not my body- I have no say in it.
But the conservatives in this country are incapable of grasping that fact. They are only thinking of their own precious, hypocritical ‘morality’. Where are they when these children are born? Where’s their precious morality when these children need them the most? Where are they when they grow up in abusive homes or tossed into an uncaring foster care system? Funny how that never seems to come up.
I haven’t even gotten to cases of sexual assault yet. Republicans and Evangelicals love to talk about children born of rape and incest as a “gift from God”, but do you really think a child conceived out of an act of violence and not love is a GOOD thing, or that a kind, loving God would approve of something like that? If so, you are insane. You shouldn’t even be allowed to define yourself as a human being- you’re a monster.
I can’t help but feel that children born from rape and incest are ‘tainted’ in the sense that they are robbed of their innocence before they’ve even come out the womb- it takes an extraordinary kind of woman to look beyond their own pain and raise their rapist’s child in a home filled with love. I know of such a woman. My friend Debra was sexually assaulted when she was young, and when faced with the decision of what to do when she realized she was pregnant, Deb decided to have the baby. She has a full-grown son whom she loves more than anything. But women of unparalleled strength and love like Deb are the exception and sadly, not the rule.
I can’t, for one second, even imagine what goes through a woman’s mind when she has to make such an agonizing choice. It’s not enough to be horribly and brutally victimized, but having to decide whether or not to terminate a human life on top of it is a nightmare I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.
During an interview, former Senator Rick Santorum was asked about his stance on abortion in cases of rape, and he said, “Well, you can make the argument that if she doesn’t have this baby, if she kills her child, that that, too, could ruin her life. And this is not an easy choice. I understand that. As horrible as the way that that son or daughter and son was created, it still is her child. And whether she has that child or doesn’t, it will always be her child. And she will always know that. And so to embrace her and to love her and to support her and get her through this very difficult time, I’ve always, you know, I believe and I think the right approach is to accept this horribly created — in the sense of rape — but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you.
As you know, we have to, in lots of different aspects of our life. We have horrible things happen. I can’t think of anything more horrible. But, nevertheless, we have to make the best out of a bad situation.”
REALLY? It must be the easiest thing in the world to turn chicken shit into chicken salad when it doesn’t affect you personally, Senator. I wonder what you would do if your daughter became pregnant after being brutally raped. Could you look her in the eye and tell her that being forcibly inseminated and having a child by her rapist is a GOOD thing and a gift from Heaven? You’re an idiot.
For anyone who believes this and is reading this article, I want you to imagine seeing your wife, girlfriend, sister or daughter being violated. Just picture them being in a parking lot, coming back from a day of shopping, and some greasy mouthbreather sneaking up on them and forcing them into a car. I want you to imagine her being pinned down, getting her clothes ripped off, her panties torn and being penetrated, beaten, and manhandled by a depraved, sick lunatic who is enjoying every single second of what he is doing because he is exercising his power over someone in a world where he has no power whatsoever.
Senator, I want you to imagine seeing your daughter lying in a hospital bed, beaten and terrorized, knowing that her attacker ejaculated into her and nearly catatonic at the thought of what comes next. I really want to know what you would say to convince her that this was God’s will. Come on, have the courage of your convictions. Because, you know what? I would stake my life that you would be nothing more than a hypocritical coward. All of you so-called Christians are.
We can debate about it until the cows come home, and it won’t change a damned thing. We can all agree that abortion is bad, but at the end of the day, what we’re talking about is a choice, nothing more. Not every woman will take the option if it is given.
I know a lot of pro-lifers will be like, “Doesn’t the man have a say?” Yeah, let’s talk about that. Another female friend of mine had an abortion at a young age, and only because she was bullied into it by her then-boyfriend. She developed such a guilt complex over it that she made a conscious decision to make herself undesirable to men so they wouldn’t be tempted to have sex with her. She gained a hundred pounds and dressed frumpy so no one would give her a second look. I tried my best to shore up her confidence, but she left town for her job before I could see if my ham-handed attempt at therapy had any effect.
I never had to deal with the consequences of slipping one past the goalie, (as my brother so charmingly puts it,) because I’ve always tried to be extremely careful. But I did get a girl pregnant once. We had a bad break-up after the conception and she ended up losing the baby due to stress. I didn’t find out till later. I was devastated. I can’t say with certainty what I would have done differently had I known, but I’d like to think that I would have stepped up to the plate. I love kids. If my ex wanted to have an abortion, I don’t know what I would have said. But I really doubt that would’ve been an issue; she wasn’t like that.
In general, I think most men would take the abortion option when faced with an unplanned pregnancy. They would never admit it out loud, though. But again, being that it’s a woman’s decision, he has to live with the consequences either way.
My friend, Paul, had to face that consequence. He impregnated his underage girlfriend. They mutually decided to terminate the pregnancy because they weren’t ready to be parents. As unbelievable as it sounds, he wanted to have a barbecue after it was over. He invited me to come. I went, though I wasn’t aware of what was going on. When I got there, he was fuming because his girlfriend’s Mom wanted to talk to him and he didn’t want to hear it.
Incredulous, I told him, “Are you fucking serious? You’re lucky Karen’s mother didn’t throw your ass in jail for statutory rape! Now come on- we’re getting in the car and I’m taking you over there. And whatever you do, don’t say a fucking THING. I don’t care what she says or how much she bitches at you- you sit there and take it. Then, I want you to go to Karen, hug her, tell her you’re sorry for being such a colossal asshat, and that you love her.”
Paul ended up calling and thanking me for making him do the right thing and keeping him from acting like a selfish douche. Of course, I don’t really think I did anything. I was just being a friend.
I dunno why, but rape and abortion rights have always been a big thing with me. I guess I just don’t like the idea of women being violated on any level. When a girl at my college was assaulted, I joined a group of students that were gathering signatures to petition the school for bright lights and security cameras to be installed in a new parking structure that was being built. I guess I took it somewhat personally because the victim was from my hometown. I would’ve given anything to have been able to prevent it.
Look, at the end of the day, we’re not talking about the abortion procedure- we’re talking about an option among many. Just because it’s out there, it doesn’t mean they’ll take it. It’s up to them. Before 1974, over seven million women died or suffered from complications due to unregulated, back alley abortions. We can’t go back to those dark days.
In being pro-life, you may think you have the moral high-ground. If you did, you would be clamoring for stricter gun control laws after some sick lunatic gunned down twenty-five children in Sandy Hook, but you people on the Christian right seem to think that your firearms are more important than human lives. I don’t. If you really had the courage of your convictions, if you really wanted to reduce the number of abortions in this country, you would give women greater access to sex education and birth control. Women aren’t and shouldn’t be treated like modern-day jezebels just because they look or act a certain way. If you’re a man and blame a woman for your lack of self-control, you’re weak and a coward. Go buy yourself a fleshlight for God’s sake.
Being pro-choice isn’t the crime the republican party makes it out to be, it just means you understand that there are a lot of impossible choices in life, that a woman has the right to determine what she wants to do with her own body, and we don’t live in a world where everything is black and white. We all must live with the choices we make, right or wrong, end of story.
You can feel any way you want to, that’s your right, but removing a woman’s right to choose would be just as bad as pinning her down and raping her yourself. Think about that.
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So guys and anyone else inclined, don’t send wire coat hangers to the governor of Alabama. It would not be nice to send them so please don’t send any to the governor of Alabama at 600 Dexter Ave, Montogomery AL,36130. Again don’t send wire coat hangers to the guv of Alabama. I don’t think it would be a nice thing at all. Oh wait, what’s that you say… Jess you sent some. No, not me I wouldn’t do that because it would not be a nice thing to do to someone that just has Jesus up the butt when it comes to pro choice.
If someone says “every child has a right to be born” you have to see that it never was a rational argument since if it’s a child, it’s been born already. There is no answer to something that isn’t a question.
A real question is whether some complex molecules are a child because after a period of time and under certain conditions it might evolve into a functioning organism we identify as human. Petty point, but I think it’s important. Does something have a right to life just because it has the right chemicals?
It’s all a sham and it demands the acceptance of the idea that a “life” is inanimate matter plus a “soul” A soul is a nonsense concept for which no evidence exists at all. By not existing, a soul cannot suffer the fate of damnation, which doesn’t exist, because of some inherited sin which does not exist unless it undergoes a magic ceremony of absolution which does not exist from a god who does not exist through his son who does not exist.
Nowhere in our laws are there “molecule’s rights” laws. Cells die and are sloughed off in the process of an embryo’s development. Are they “babies” any more than other cells that divide and specialize? Not really.
This is a religious argument and I think that as such it has no place in law. Without liberating our laws and society from religious dementia, we will remain stuck in the childhood of our species.
And for that matter, Jess, you also confirmed what I was saying- that just because abortion is an option, you don’t have to take it. Thanks.
Jess, I didn’t write this based on how much a woman enjoys sex or whatever- that’s pretty much irrelevant to my argument in that I just take it for granted that women enjoy sex when it’s consentual. My point is that changing the laws to limit a woman’s personal health choices are just plain WRONG.
I get it but what I am saying is these right wing assholes are changing laws based on nothing other than we can’t allow the little ladeez to have control over what they can do with their own bodies.
Good Article, Greg. A lot to think about. I have always thought it in a slightly different way. When one gets into the intertwining of between of the behavior of involving the social class, socio economics. violence against women, religion, and the criminal justice nothing seems to matter except who has the greatest power. The strange paradox of the results of a crime and justice just goes spinning off of the ” proverbial rails.Once should be considering the aspects of people making the triad two wrongs making a right for three different groups of citizens. I agree that rape is horrible crime and imposition against the victim. The confusion of the stances by conservatives and religious zealots are in a seemingly contrast on several different levels. Conservatives are usually hard core anti crime but they less concerned about the victims. They actually are committing themselves to to making a victim into a criminal, and, in turn, making a new victim where one does not exist before. But, that is a way of society. First, we have a crime evolving an innocent party. There is no law against two adults having sex, unless a pregnancy occurs. Then, there must be another decision which often becomes a life altering decision. If one of those decisions is to bring another human being into a life that neither of the three parties want to move forward. The new person does not get a choice in the matter. A child being subjected to enter into a life were they unloved or cared for and who has a better than even chance of becoming a criminal themselves. The woman at the center of the controversy must make a decision that may utterly destroy her life. given the attitudes of society toward unwed mothers. At a young age a female, who in many cases makes the mistake of engaging in sex must then make a decision of becoming a a pariah or a criminal. This is especially true if the woman is forced into a role of a victim of sexual aggression and then a victim of of society’s unwanted or becoming criminal.
So an innocent act of having sex by choice, or by an act of violence which produces a pregnancy must contemplate their becoming the producer of another potential victim of society’s bias or brought into this world to be shunned which make then, in turn, create another set of victim’s.
Legislators in their zeal either way rarely think in the long term that that they are loading such a stream of unhappiness onto the world. The reality is that those legislators are really making a decision that appeals to their own self interest, not to society itself. Of course, they never stop to think that their law really only applies to the wealthy because the poor rarely get to make their own choice. Where is the fairness in a system that punishes one for being poor?
These Talibangelicals are not pro life at all, they are for forced birthing and taking away the sexytimes had by the women. They don’t want us to have and enjoy sex because it’s dirty thinking about the little woman enjoying the sexytimes. I think it was Governor Ivey stood at a press conference the other day, yapping about how she was pro life and the babbies should be born regardless of rape, incest etc and the same night she was presiding over an execution of a person. How is that pro life in any way. No need to answer, abortion gets my hackles up every single time and I don’t think I would make that choice for myself. No matter now, since I can’t have the babbies but I don’t want the choice taken from others.
Ivey is a disgusting creature.
For me it makes it worse when women take the choice away somehow. I don’t know whether it is because, dammit they should know what this decision means or hey woman, we have got to stick together to get through this rendering of Handmaid’s Tale.