Republican Prayer of St. Francis

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by Joe Hagstrom

Make me an instrument of war. Where there is joy, let me bring sadness. Where there’s hope, let me bring despair.

Oh Master grant that I may never seek, so much to be consoled as to justify. To not be empathetic, but refuse to understand. Where there is ignorance, exploit it. And most of all, keep telling ourselves this is what God really really wants. (If God doesn’t like The Spice Girls there’s no hope for any of us.)
Lord knows I’ve tried to be a good Republican. I even practice my hate speech. I’ve adapted what used to be a menacing union stare from my days as a union committeeman and local officer to a menacing Republican stare when anyone dares speak the truth to me.

I go along with the nonsense about our Nation being founded on Judeo/Christian principles even though John Adams, who had a big say in pretty much everything having to do with our Nation’s founding said it had nothing to do with Judeo/Christian principles.

I employ my menacing Republican stare when angrily touting the rights of gun owners to own whatever gun they want despite the hundred of teachers and students and innocent people in Las Vegas and elsewhere being shot by people that shouldn’t have guns. And we Republicans know this. But we know the consequences of not spouting this nonsense. It would subject us to menacing Republican stares and mean tweets from an asshole.

I am a lifelong, practicing Roman Catholic. In my liberal days I did attend services at churches of other denominations. It was at a Pentacostal service I heard the most cogent thing I ever heard from a preacher regarding religion. He said “Use yourself and God will bless what you do.” It struck me as even more profound as I aged and finally came to the point that I could honestly say I read the Bible, I was in my early forties at the time, and saw that God didn’t really speak with that many people. So when someone says God spoke to him for the most part I consider the person a liar or someone in need of a psychiatrist.

These days it’s mostly some right wing politician trying to curry favor with the Jesus crowd who desperatly want to believe God spoke to somebody. The liars know these poor deluded fools will follow them as long as they’re told what they want to hear. Sadly they don’t want to hear love thy neighbor as thyself. The neighbor might be of an ethnic or religious or political persuasion they hate. So love people that agree with us and kill the rest so God can send them to hell. Tough justice for someone who believes Muhammed was God’s messenger or supports single payer health care but roasting for eternity is what they deserve for not supporting President Trump and unfettered access to semi automatic weapons.

And this is why I offer this prayer. I want to be a better Republican and Trump acolyte. Just as Jesus was God’s only son, sent to us to redeem our sins, apparently Donald Trump is God’s real messenger. Sent to sow hatred and division. He’ll be twisting and doing whatever he can to get us into a war with Iran soon. I guess this is John Bolton’s mission, as sent by God. God works in mysterious ways. The Apostle Paul was a tremendous asshole. St.Peter was testament to Paul’s assholeness. John Bolton is a tremendous asshole so his being chosen is in keeping with God’s modus operandi.

I offer this prayer that I may also become a vessel of God’s plan. That I may become a better asshole and Christian in the mold of the Republican ideal. Here am I Lord. Send me.

About Post Author

Joe Hagstrom

Reformed Liberal now dedicated to saving world from Obamacare and Godless Atheists. Using MadMike's America to audition for high paying job with Fox News.
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jess
Reply to  Joe Hagstrom
4 years ago

I get that.

Joe Hagstrom
4 years ago

I hear you Mike. I had to go through a diatribe touting the anti Planned Parenthood film couple weeks ago. It was difficult not to walk out on what was a despicable propaganda effort. A church that for decades, more like centuries, looked the other way while children were being raped.

Joe Hahstrom
4 years ago

I hear you Mike. I had to go through a diatribe touting the anti Planned Parenthood film couple weeks ago. It was difficult not to walk out on what was a despicable propaganda effort. A church that for decades, more like centuries, looked the other way while children were being raped.

jess
Reply to  Joe Hahstrom
4 years ago

So why don’t you leave the church then? No seriously, I am really asking because I have had people tell me they stay for the community, they stay because this friend or parent etc. I couldn’t stay in a group like that and to me it just seems logical to leave.

Admin
4 years ago

I was raised Roman Catholic and was even an altar boy, with praying, and the whole thing. When was about 30 I heard a priest telling us who to vote for in an upcoming election and I didn’t like that. Thus ended my Catholic years.

jess
4 years ago

Hey I just sang this for a friend’s funeral services a couple of weeks ago. She loved this hymn and her parents asked me if I would sing it. I did and the church did not cave in on me, it was a good day 🙂

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