Eric Trump Pays the Price for Being the Lucky Sperm

Read Time:3 Minute, 4 Second

by Joe Hagstrom

I just read that poor Eric Trump was spat upon at a restaurant. I feel bad for him. It’s not easy being the lucky sperm. The journey a sperm takes to the egg is fraught with peril. it takes perseverance and a great deal of luck to be the sperm that breaks through and fertilizes the egg. The reward should be a lifetime of ease and privilege.

Yet poor Eric gets spit on and may be forced to pay some of his inheritance through the death tax. Not that Eric will actually have to pay any death taxes since his family’s wealth is most likely borrowed money. So maybe the poor folks at Deustch Bank will have to pay after they liquidate the mortgaged Trump assets. Poor bastards may even have to suffer some hefty losses seeing as how Donald Trump inflated them so much so he could get some rich, yet unlucky sperm, to lend him money since the rich luckier sperm in America had the good sense not to loan him any more money. I guess we’ll find out when Trump’s fantastic financial statement is finally made public.

Of the Trump children, all of which are at the core, lucky sperm, Ivanka is perhaps the luckiest. While Eric and Don Jr. are not very attractive specimens, Ivanka’s sperm produced an attractive lady. She married another lucky sperm in Jared Kushner and this union produced some lucky sperm as well. As I can see things the only unlucky thing going for Ivanka these days is her Dad’s propensity to send her husband all over the world to screw things up so she may get lonely enough to finally succumb to Donald the Elders weird sexual advances. She is definitely his type. But like all the other chicks the President has taken a shine to, she probably wanted it anyway.

The President is a celebrity and as he says, these women will let you do anything. A man doesn’t need to be good looking as long as he has great bluster and celebrity status. It makes getting banks to loan you billions they shouldn’t be loaning you pretty easy also. That’s what some people are saying anyway. Not that Russians and Germans and Saudis care about that stuff. No alterior motives with these guys. Just honest business people looking to do good I’m sure.

That Eric Trump and Don Jr. are intellectually underwhelming is not a secret. Maybe it is unlucky for them that President Trump isn’t attracted to them sexually so he gives Ivanka most of the attention. On the other hand maybe it is lucky for them that their Dad doesn’t want to have intimate relations with them. If he did, my advice would be to close your eyes and think of England. It worked for Queen Victoria. And If President Trump did want to break a Biblical rule and covet their asses he could do so and get away with it since he’s a celebrity and can do whatever he wants. At least their luck should hold out enough to not get shot by their Dad in Times Square while his supporters cheer him.

They say God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. I never bought into that nonsense personally but God does seem to have a soft spot for lucky sperm most of the time. Maybe the French Revolution was one of the few times He gave the poor something to feel good about. But despite the travails poor Eric and Marie Antoinette had to endure, a little spit and a beheading, I’d still rather be the lucky sperm. They have all the fun.

About Post Author

Joe Hagstrom

Reformed Liberal now dedicated to saving world from Obamacare and Godless Atheists. Using MadMike's America to audition for high paying job with Fox News.
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %
0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of

8 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Reply to  Joe Hagstrom
4 years ago

LOL! Google liked it too 🙂

Admin
4 years ago

I laughed my ass off as I was editing it for publication, and I hope Joe takes notice of the fact I actually liked his title 🙂

jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
4 years ago

I do Mike because I always say I got adopted into the lucky sperm club since my dad came from old California lawyering money. Not for nothing though, I wish he had use Every sperm is sacred as a musical number because Python makes everything better. DO NOT FIGHT ME ON THIS PEOPLE. You all know I am right on this 🙂

Joe Hagstrom
4 years ago

The scary anti Christ Jarrod kushner is a lucky sperm to have his wife not only make herself more attractive through surgery, he even got her to convert to Judaism. The woman is a good sport. Lucky Jarrod and Donald. My case is more iron clad than Mueller’s.

jess
Reply to  Joe Hagstrom
4 years ago

🙂 You always make me laugh.

4 years ago

And yet we just love the incestuous British Royals and all the other lucky “Celebrities.”

Whether inconsistency is the hobgoblin of anyone, it’s ubiquitous.

We’ve long been enamored of the up-from-poverty celebrities, but maybe the up-from-Slavery folks less so because it erodes the talking points of some political entities. We suspect wealthy philanthropists and presidents like FDR no matter how much good they do for the not-so-rich. We loved Kennedy. No complaints that he left money to his family. Tall people make more money and are more successful – same for the good looking or the intelligent. I don’t like them at all – no jealousy involved here, of course. Minorities? it depends on which one and on the individual.

If my neighbors invest in making the neighborhood look better, I like it. If I lived on the other side of the tracks, it would be the other way apparently.

Of course every one of us dreams of more money, but that’s different, right? One man’s American Dream is another’s object of jealousy and we want to believe he took the money from others and with malicious disregard. Work and save your whole life so that your kids will have a better life? Hell no – it’s not fair to the low born. Admit life isn’t fair, never has been, never will be? Nah. To everyone according to his needs and we will tell you just how much that is.

jess
4 years ago

Ivanka’s sperm produced an attractive lady. Ivanka also got daddy’s attention and from pictures, it looks like she got it in ways that are bad. Look at how Tiffany gave him the swerve at debates, she knew what was up with his pervy ass.

Um no, no it did not. Have you seen her before all the plastic surgery she had done. WTF is wrong with your eyes Joe?

Previous post Felix the Tabby Cat Survives Terrifying Ride In Washer
Next post How Britain Takes Back Control
8
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x