Donald Trump: Greenland and Shell Games

by Gregory B. Gonzalez

Donald Trump is an idiot! I know saying that every time I write an article about him is redundant, but as they taught me back in middle school, you must always begin whatever you write with a topic sentence.

Like a lot of people, I just assumed Trump would hit bottom and finally realize how much of a moron he truly is and at least try to keep his mouth shut long enough to do his job, and like those same people, I was wrong. 

As much as I hate to admit it, there is no bottom. It’s like jumping off a cliff and finding out there is nothing below you to hit, just this abyss that never ends. I swear, by the time he’s done screwing up this country, every citizen in it is going to have a scorching case of PTSD. I can feel it already. 

I know most of this shit is meant to be a distraction from the messed up shit he does on a daily basis and his ever growing list of scandals, but every once in awhile, something so breathtakingly stupid happens, and it makes you want to roll your eyes to the point of having a stroke, (or in my case, another stroke.)

Apparently, Mr. “Stable Genius” has told his aides to look into buying Greenland, which is a country in and of itself, though it is part of Denmark. And needless to say, the Danes ain’t looking to sell anytime soon. Why would they? Even though Greenland has a small population, it also boasts an abundance of natural resources like deposits of iron, zinc, and copper, which is why Trump would love to get his grubby, tiny-fingered hands on it. If he really wants to buy an island, I hear Jeffrey Epstein’s retreat for pedophiles is gonna be on the market soon. 

But despite the Danes’ unwillingness to sell, (not even taking into account what would entail selling a country) Trump still insists on wanting the U.S. to buy it, and from what I hear, it’s not the first time he’s brought it up. 

I mean seriously, how would he pay for it? He’s driven the deficit into the trillions, we’re in debt to the Chinese, and thanks to the republicans, the nation’s credit has been downgraded. And as long as Trump is president, no one in their right mind would loan us the money. Trump has defaulted more times than he’s cheated on his wives! 

It’s no wonder the rest of the rest of the world thinks we’re a joke. I can’t really say I blame them. Trump can’t get his silly wall built, let alone get Mexico to pay for it. I know he’s an egomaniac who thinks he knows everything about real estate, but I think this is a bit more than he can chew. 

I really hate the way he bloviates at his rallies, making it seem as though his popularity is through the roof when in fact the majority of the country hates his fat ass. I have to wonder, how low is his self-esteem that he feels he has to go to these kind of extremes to elevate it? I will bet you money he goes to sleep every night thinking, “Daddy, have I finally earned your respect now?”

This past week, he made an appearance at a Shell plant where the company and union gave the workers a choice- show up at the Trump rally and get paid overtime, or stay home and not get paid. To top it off, they weren’t allowed to protest or say anything critical of Trump. They literally got paid to stand there and pretend to listen to him. I’m sorry, but getting forty bucks an hour ain’t enough for me to stand around listening to him. I’d rather manscape my balls with a rusty cheese grater and rinse them with rubbing alcohol.  

Honestly, I don’t know if I can last another year with him as president. I shudder to think what this country will turn into after eight. I have a prediction: Even if Trump loses in 2020, he won’t leave office. He will probably scream voter fraud and declare the whole election to be invalid. Think about it, he doesn’t live in reality, so why would he accept the reality of being a loser? It would be too big for his ego to take. The other, more scary possibility, is that he might just declare himself president for life. 

In case you’re sniggering at the possibility, it’s not completely out of left field. Think about it- Trump loves dictators and strongmen, thinks he has the military, the police, and a whole bunch of ‘bad dudes’ in his back pocket and thinks he’s above the rule of law anyway, so what’s to stop him from taking power? Doesn’t sound quite as crazy now, does it? Especially when you stop to consider that being president is the only thing that’s keeping him from being prosecuted a dozen ways from Sunday. 

I think we’ve gone beyond hoping one man or even a group can save us. We need to stop sitting on our asses and do something, however which way be can. It’s time to do more than cry, ‘resist!’ It’s time to actually RESIST. 

Call out the bullshit, campaign for who you support, work a phone bank. Get everyone you can out there and vote. Bring your friends, bring your family, pick up someone who doesn’t have a ride to a polling place. I don’t care what you do (provided it isn’t illegal) just contribute to the fight! 

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