Movie Review: 47 Meters Down: Uncaged
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I like sharks, nay, I love sharks, and, after seeing JAWS for the first time in 1975, I became a student of these magnificent apex predators, particularly the Great White. So, it goes without saying I eagerly devour everything ‘shark’ including movies, excepting stupid trash such as Sharknado.
The latest shark offering by Hollywood moviemakers is 47 Meters Down: Uncaged. Like most of what’s made in America these days, the stars, in this case 4 teenage girls, are drop dead gorgeous, because we all know there are no homely kids in high school. We also know there are no smart kids in high school, because these girls, are, well, a bit dim, excepting the least beautiful blonde.
This movie adventure finds those four girls, played by Corinne Foxx, Sistine Stallone, Sophie Nélisse, and Brianne Tju diving down, presumably 47 meters, roughly 155 feet, to explore a submerged Mayan city. Once inside, their rush of teen excitement turns into sheer terror as they find out the sunken ruins are a hunting ground for deadly but blind, cave dwelling Great White Sharks. Their air supply steadily dwindling, the friends must navigate the underwater labyrinth of claustrophobic, collapsing caves and eerie tunnels in search of a way out of their watery hell.
The blind sharks, of course, looking always for a quick meal, and after eating a couple of archeology journeymen, including the father of the least attractive, but smart girl, pursue the terrified four, pushing their giant shark heads into tunnels, and, at every opportunity roaring with frustration. Yes. They were actually roaring, underwater, quite the feat since sharks don’t have any sound producing organs, excepting the draughtsboard shark, which barks like a dog when caught.
Inasmuch as the casual reader may not have seen this mess of a movie, giving away the end would be very ungentlemenly of this reviewer, so, without further ado, in my humble opinion this movie sucked, and although there were one or two moments of genuine “arghh, the shark is coming” screams, this flick is made for Blu-Ray.
In conclusion, dutiful parents need to know that 47 Meters Down: Uncaged is the sequel to 47 Meters Down, which was a really good movie. You can expect shark-related violence as characters are attacked, bitten, and killed, with gory wounds and lots of blood swirling in the water. A gory human head is shown, and a character drowns, horrifyingly, on camera.
A flare gun is fired at a shark, and nasty bullies shove a character into a swimming pool. Language includes uses of “ass,” and rude middle-finger gestures. The teen girls wear very skimpy swimsuits, which can be quite distracting for some, but not the sharks. Unfortunately, this movie lacks everything that made the original worth seeing; this one has seriously confusing visuals, underdeveloped characters, and weak jump scares.
MadMikesAmerica movie score: ONE STAR out of five.
In case you missed it: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
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I’m very much not tempted to see it. There have however been 10 people attacked by sharks in Florida so far this year. Many of them children playing just a few feet into the surf.
Most shark attacks occur in 2-3 feet of water because that’s where most people play.
Wish I had read this before I went to see it. Could have saved some money. It did have a few moments but it just stretched the imagination too much.
I walked out half-way through. I’d had enough of the reoaring sharks.