Dear Donald Trump: A Word About Space Force….

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by Gregory B. Gonzalez

Okay, Sparky, we need to have us a little chat here, and since you’re such a dumbass, I’ll do my best to use small words so I won’t lose you. Put simply, we don’t need a space force. It’s a waste of time and money, pretty much as you’re a waste of oxygen.

The idea was dumb in it’s conception, just like your children. It was dumb when Ronald Reagan tried something similar with the SDI (“Star Wars”) program, and it amounted to nothing. Or how about the time George W. Bush announced, “We’re going to Mars!” in 2003? That was sixteen years ago, and the closest we came to seeing Mars was when the Rover took a header into a ditch. Fun Times!

Your little ceremony the other day was one more little pointless display of trying to pretend that you’ve actually accomplished something. U.S. Space Command already does the job of maintaining our satellites, the only thing you’ve really done is promise them more funding, which I’m pretty sure they won’t receive. As for making it a new branch of the military and adding troops to it, is ridiculous! Do you have any idea how many people apply, let alone wash out of NASA’s astronaut training program?

Finding enough combat troops for duty is hard enough, but do you have any idea what it would cost to train them? Let alone equip them? You would have to design an entirely new kind of weapons system for them to fight effectively, especially since they’d probably be fighting in a zero-g environment, if they saw combat at all. At the most, you’d have thirteen guys floating around in space with nothing to do, kinda like you on a daily basis minus the floating.

Don’t get me wrong- I’m all for pumping more money into NASA and cybersecurity, but your ham-handed way of approaching problems isn’t based on reality. Knowing how your brain works, technology pretty much peaked with the invention of cyberporn and Twitter, didn’t it?

This whole idea of militarizing space is a bad idea. I mean, who really cares if America has dominance in space? It’s space, for God’s sake! Does your pea-sized brain have any clue how vast our galaxy is, let alone the universe? How do you suggest we conquer it? Do we look like romulans? I dunno about you, but I think I’d look horrible with pointed ears and a bowl haircut. You wouldn’t look much better, believe me.

When I first heard of this bullshit, my first thought was, “And this is how the Terran Empire started in the mirror universe.” And if you don’t get that joke, you’re probably not a Star Trek fan. Then again, if the mirror universe actually existed, you’d probably be a real sweetheart and every inch the great leader you think you are. Of course, you’d probably be assassinated by Mike Pence by now, but that’s another story. Guess I better start growing a goatee, you think?

Maybe there will come a day when we need a ‘space force’, (hopefully it will have a better name,) but it’s not now. We’ve barely made it to the moon. I think it’s pretty safe to say that we’re not going to go to war over a rock floating above us. We should be doing what we can to save this planet instead of finding new ones to fight over and exploit. Come on, Donnie- how about joining us in a little reality break? Oh, never mind, you don’t live in reality.

Toodles!

About Post Author

Gregory B. Gonzalez

Gregory B. Gonzalez is an angry black man who isn't actually black. No, really- he told us to say that! His parents once had him tested for Tourette's, but when the doctor came back with his results, he said, "No, he's fine. Your son is just an a**hole!" It's been downhill ever since. He lives like the Unabomber, only without the explosives. Feel free to contact him provided you can actually locate him. Just keep in mind that he'll probably make fun of you to your face. We here at MMA can't stand him, so if you want him, he's all yours!
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Gregory B Gonzalez
4 years ago

Hey, I liked STARSHIP TROOPERS, too!

jess
4 years ago

When I saw the poster deal the other day when he was in the press conference talking about it, the only thins I could think of was hunkalicious Casper Van Diem and Starship Troopers. Do not judge my movie watching choices people, I don’t judge yours 😉

Reply to  jess
4 years ago

LOL! I actually liked Starship Troopers, although I wouldn’t describe ole Casper as ‘hunkalicious,’ then again I wouldn’t would I? 🙂

jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
4 years ago

What can I tell you. I was 18 and Johhny Rico in the shower was everything 🙂 I’m 38 now and guess what, Johnny Rico in the shower is still everything.

Admin
4 years ago

I support space exploration, however, I don’t support preparing the nation, through the use of a space ‘force’ to wage war all over the universe. That being said, given the warlike nature of man, that is probably inevitable.

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