The Truth About Getting Naked Photos of Donald Trump

Read Time:4 Minute, 39 Second

by Gregory B. Gonzalez

I usually don’t make a habit of defending Republicans, but this time, I feel like I must. As a liberal, I believe in truth and transparency, even if it’s to the detriment of my own core beliefs. I mean, if we’re not willing to stand for the truth, then we’re no better than the evil we oppose. I think it’s time we just come out and admit it—yeah, we do want naked photos of Donald Trump. 

Rep. Devin Nunes of California (R.), has called our number. At Friday’s impeachment hearing, he spoke truth to power and revealed how Adam Schiff, his fellow representative from California, conspired with the Ukrainians (who turned out to be Russian pranksters,) to obtain compromising nude photos of the President so he could turn them over to the FBI in order to bring him down. 

You got us, Devin. 

But if I may, it wasn’t just for the sole purpose of embarrassing President Trump. Some of us, including myself, sadly, just wanted the opportunity to bask in the magnificence of his unparalleled masculinity. It’s time to finally come out and admit out loud how much Trump makes us all feel emasculated and powerless. That maybe, just maybe, we can feel better about ourselves by soaking in his greatness from admiring his gargantuan c*ck and brass balls, something us liberals are generally lacking in. 

The majority of my liberal friends won’t admit it, but we all feel greatly intimidated by Donald Trump. As for me personally, I cower every time I see him on tv. Every angry tweet I read from him makes my ball sac shrivel and sink more into the cavity that I can almost taste them. 

Can you imagine how colossal Trump’s actual penis must be? I shudder to think of it. He must be the Dirk Diggler of Capitol Hill. It’s no wonder Lindsey Graham is such a loyal lapdog- if I were getting that monster dick served to me on a daily basis, I’d be loyal to a fault, too!

Devin, Devin, Devin… you crafty son of a bitch, how did you uncover the truth? What gave us away? Was it the lust in Adam Schiff’s eyes? Was it our feigned hatred of everything Trump stands for that gave us away? Or is it just that you bet everything on the fact that the polar opposite of hate is love? What is it, dammit? What?!

I can’t speak for everyone, but I love Trump’s eyes- you can see the warmth in them, the little twinkle that resides there, especially when he looks at Ivanka. I wish he’d look at me like that! Bitch! And have you seen that ass of his? It puts J. Lo’s to shame! I know people like to comment on how saggy it is, but it’s saggy in all the right places, you know what I mean? Trump’s junk in the trunk must be pure gold. No wonder Mike Pence wanted to be VP! Ooooh, baby!

Nude photos of Trump would be bigger than the issue of Playgirl that featured Burt Reynolds in his prime! I tingle at the mere thought of it! 

Ok, so has everybody thrown up now? Are you scarred for life? Are you so thoroughly disgusted to the point where you want to scrub your brain with steel wool? Does the Keto diet seem like a pointless waste of time in that you can’t eat solid food anymore after reading this? 

Cool, because that’s what I was aiming for. (I bet you all hate me more now than when I wrote that piece about the police using the Punisher symbol!)

In all seriousness- there is not one single soul on the left who wants to see that flagellant, tangerine piece of shit naked. Not even gay Republicans want to see Trump in the buff. I can imagine things ten times more revolting I’d rather see than Trump naked, and I’ve seen a donkey sex show in Mexico! (No spoilers, but I really have to wonder how much shampoo that girl has to go through after every performance.)

The only people who want to see Trump naked you can literally count on one hand and Melania isn’t one of them, (unless there’s a paycheck involved.) In fact, I have to wonder if Stormy Daniels suffers from PTSD after sleeping with him. I’m kind of amazed she hasn’t left the porn industry altogether and joined a convent. I know I would have.

Devin Nunes is an idiot of the first order. I think the saddest part of this story is that he truly believes we want to see Trump naked. Please. I’d rather see the cast of COCOON naked. I’m beginning to think Nunes is addicted to eating cow chips, because he’s a total shit-for-brains.

If anyone has a hate-on for anyone, it’s not the Left for Trump- it’s the Right for Hilary Clinton. They can’t shut up about her! Instead of yanking their cranks to Melania Trump who has actually done a naked photoshoot, they all want a slice of that sweet HRC. It must be the pantsuit. Rednecks dig the pantsuit. 

At any rate, if Devin Nunes and the GOP think this is the best way to deflect from Trump’s impeachment, they are dumber than I thought humanly possible. Adam Schiff needs to shut Nunes down and say, “Ok, you need to sit and be quiet. The adults are talking!”

Because that’s what you do with unruly children. 

In case you missed it: Republicans Enjoy Masturbation Before Condemnation

About Post Author

Gregory B. Gonzalez

Gregory B. Gonzalez is an angry black man who isn't actually black. No, really- he told us to say that! His parents once had him tested for Tourette's, but when the doctor came back with his results, he said, "No, he's fine. Your son is just an a**hole!" It's been downhill ever since. He lives like the Unabomber, only without the explosives. Feel free to contact him provided you can actually locate him. Just keep in mind that he'll probably make fun of you to your face. We here at MMA can't stand him, so if you want him, he's all yours!
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Admin
4 years ago

Looking at naked pictures of Trump are guaranteed emetics. No need for meds.

4 years ago

You’re slamming ME for body shaming Trump? Oh, sweet irony! LOL!

jess
Reply to  Gregory B. Gonzalez
4 years ago

Irony did a nose dive off a 40 story building my friend. If you cannot tell my sarcasm by now I need new damn friends. Like I would ever defend that pile of human shit.

jess
4 years ago

Dirk Diggler wasn’t even Dirk Diggler come on now Greg. As far as Nunes goes, this is the assboil that is suing because of an imaginary cow, I take NOTHING he says seriously. Not liking the body shaming though and I don’t care if tRump goes round doing that, still not a fan of the body shaming. Cannot believe I am defending this tangerine clown at all, see what you have reduced me to Greg 😉 There are way too many other things we can be dissing him for.

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