Donald Trump vs. the Coronavirus: Nothing to See Here

Read Time:5 Minute, 37 Second

by Gregory B. Gonzalez

From the moment Donald Trump took his oath of office in January 2017 and then declared that he had a bigger audience at his inauguration than President Obama, it became apparent that he lives in an alternate reality. You could tell because the whole country collectively asked, “What. The. Fuck?” It literally has been downhill ever since. Seriously, can anyone remember a day when he or that inbred clan he calls a family not said or done something dumb or embarrassing to our country? 

I think it’s safe to say I feel like most of America in that we’re tired of Donald Trump. The last four years of his reign has felt like an endless airing of grievances during a night of celebrating Festivus. All of which would be fine if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic that’s killing us. The butcher’s bill currently stands at 125,000, and Trump is pouting in his bunker at the White House because his golf weekend was canceled. Boo-fucking-hoo. I’m sorry that 2.5 million infected are being such a buzzkill about it. 

During his limp performance in Tulsa last week, Duh Fuhrer told the crowd that he specifically ordered his staff to slow the testing of coronavirus in an attempt to bring the number of infected down. Since then, he’s had all of his surrogates and brown-nosers scrambling, claiming to every sucker who will listen that he was ‘joking’. Well, forgive me if I don’t find a death count in the hundreds of thousands very funny. That probably explains my lack of jokes about the Holocaust. If you’ve been a longtime reader of mine, you know I’m a master of tasteless humor. But I just can’t seem to find anything funny about pointless death. Well, unless it’s a story about a Republican politician dying of a coronary in an airport bathroom jerking off to gay porn. Those jokes practically write themselves. 

Then the tangerine nitwit goes and says that he wasn’t joking. Now that I totally believe. Since this pandemic started, he’s been sitting on his golden throne, cupping his ears, smashing his eyelids together and screaming, “This is not happening!!!”

At this point, the reality isn’t just poking at Trump’s bubble, it’s stabbing at it. But he’s still chugging along, making his cult believe that testing for the virus is a bad thing because it brings the numbers up. Well, no SHIT. Trump doesn’t seem to understand that we do testing to find out who has the virus so that they can be quarantined and don’t spread the infection, not make him look incompetent. He does that very well on his own. 

I can’t, for the life of me, understand why Trump would choose to eliminate funding for COVID-19 when cases are spiking and the country is in desperate need of a cure. If I had to guess, it probably has something to do with trying to pump that money into a pharmaceutical company that he has a financial stake in. Trump probably lost a shitload of money when his ‘miracle cure’, hydroxychloroquine, turned out to be a steaming load of crap. Guess he needs to recoup that cash for his investors. Though why anyone would invest in a scheme masterminded by Trump is beyond me. I think I’d feel safer leaving my money with Bernie Madoff. 

But like everything else, Trump thinks it’s all about him. He’s even gone so far as to say that he doesn’t like people to wear masks because he feels as though it’s an act of defiance against him. No, Donald- wearing a mask isn’t an insult, giving you the finger as your limo passes by and calling you a fucking moron on Twitter, THOSE are insults!

If you truly want to understand how delusional Donald Trump is, you only have to realize that anytime anyone speaks out against him, he makes it seem as though they’re speaking out against the country as if the two were synonymous. Well, guess what? They’re not. The United States isn’t a Trump property, no matter what else Donnie boy thinks. It will be here long after he and his brood are long gone. Hopefully, sooner rather than later. 

Just recently, Dike- I mean, Mike, Pence had a presser where he said with a straight face that the coronavirus was under control and that we’ve lowered the curve. Oh, yeah? Then tell me, Buttercup, why are cases surging in California, Florida, Arizona, and Oklahoma? Answer me that one. On second thought, don’t. Considering how you messed up the response to the HIV epidemic in your home state of Indiana, I wouldn’t listen to anything you had to say anyway. Do us all a favor, Pence- go back to your night job as a member of the local Village People cover band, m’kay? Thanks. 

And that, my friends, is the proper use of sarcasm.

In an effort to bolster his ‘Nothing to see here’ version of bizarro world, Trump is now closing testing sites around the country and trying to set up the CDC as the scapegoats to his lackluster performance as a leader, but I think the damage is already done. Trump has finally been outwitted, and by a lifeform that has less intelligence than he does. I would laugh at the irony if it wasn’t so tragic. 

On top of everything else, Trump is also asking the Supreme Court to strike down Obamacare, in the middle of a pandemic. In an election year. That’s like laying off the fire department in the middle of a blaze in the heart of Yosemite National Park. What a fucking idiot!

For a guy who supposedly wants a second term, Trump sure seems to be determined to shoot himself in the foot. I don’t know about you, but I almost wish he’d put the barrel in his mouth instead. At least we wouldn’t have to listen to him anymore. 

In Donald Trump’s warped mind, everything is peaches and cream in Redneck Amerikkka, but for the rest of us, things aren’t quite as rosy as all that. If you really want to make America great again, do everything you can to vote on November 3rd. 

If you want to keep America great, don’t ever put the Republicans in power again. The cost of their greed has been paid in blood. They may think that the deaths of 125,000 people may not be a big loss, but then again, the deaths of six million Jews wasn’t a big deal to the Nazis. 

Think about that. 

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About Post Author

Gregory B. Gonzalez

Gregory B. Gonzalez is an angry black man who isn't actually black. No, really- he told us to say that! His parents once had him tested for Tourette's, but when the doctor came back with his results, he said, "No, he's fine. Your son is just an a**hole!" It's been downhill ever since. He lives like the Unabomber, only without the explosives. Feel free to contact him provided you can actually locate him. Just keep in mind that he'll probably make fun of you to your face. We here at MMA can't stand him, so if you want him, he's all yours!
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Bill Formby
3 years ago

Actually, if it came down to it I would rather vote for Covid 19 for president than Trump. At least you sort of know the rules with the virus and you know it is not personal.

Rachael
3 years ago

He’s a disgusting creature and he should not be our president. Hopefully come November he won’t.

Bill Formby
3 years ago

There are a bunch of dummies who are stilll saying he will win in 2020. I doubted them then, but I won’ again. No one in their right mind will vote for him but there are still a lot of them out there.

Reply to  Bill Formby
3 years ago

Sadly, and most frightening, is the sheer number of people who love him. About 35 million to be precise. Stay on your knees folks. This might be the time to pray, even if you’re an Atheist like me.

Admin
3 years ago

Laughter is certainly the best medicine, but like Glenn, I have a harder time these days finding something to laugh at. I hope that changes in November.

Glenn Geist
3 years ago

It’s become so hard to laugh of late, I do appreciate that. Even bitter, sarcastic laughter is welcome here in the bunker.

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