Rudy Giuliani’s Missed Opportunity
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by Joe Hagstrom
Alas for all of us. Life is full of missed opportunities. Sometimes the opportunities are plain to see. Other times they’re easy to miss. Rudy’s great opportunity was the 911 attack. He seized it and built an entire industry for himself with books and speaking engagements and great influence. For a long time, he was America’s Mayor.
That he failed in a few presidential bids is not a bad thing. It doesn’t make him a failure in life. I’m with Teddy Roosevelt on this. The failures are the ones that never tried. But even though Rudy successfully took advantage of a terrible event, it shows how hard it is to capitalize on the opportunity when it presents itself.
This brings me to a story about 50 years ago. In sixth grade, I had a friend named Pat. Pat was always in trouble. He liked to laugh and make wisecracks. Teachers didn’t like him. Fellow classmates didn’t like him much either. He got in a few fights with boys that thought they could become popular by beating Pat up. Fortunately for Pat, he was pretty good-sized for a sixth grader and I don’t remember anyone getting the better of him. I may have been the only friend Pat had. But one day Pat seized an opportunity that just a few days ago America’s mayor failed to do.
Our class was in session, although I don’t know what the subject was since I rarely paid attention even then to things that didn’t interest me. Out of the blue, Pat ricocheted tremendous flatulence off the hard wooden chair. It sounded like a Gatling gun. One man who truly is a man would have been proud to let go. Klingon poets would have written songs about it. As happens, all the girls in the classroom cried “eeeeww!” Some claimed they were going to be sick. A few even cried.
The boys of course had a good laugh. Pat even got a pat on the back and a few high fives from some of the boys who didn’t like him. Our teacher, whose name I won’t reveal to protect the innocent waited till the uproar died down. She was a good sport I remember, then asked Pat if he had something to say. She of course was expecting an apology or an excuse from me or something expressing remorse. My friend Pat, seizing the opportunity, simply leaned back in his chair, put his hands behind his head in a relaxed position, and said “Aaah.”
This not only elicited a loud laugh, some of us applauded, it also turned Pat from an outcast to one of the most popular kids in school. Pat used well-timed flatulence to achieve greatness. At Holy Family in North Chicago anyway. Lost touch with him when my Dad retired from the Navy but I always suspected that Pat must have made something of himself.
But alas for poor Rudy. He had the same opportunity as my old friend Pat. Well-timed flatulence that could well have turned him from the raving, hair dye dripping nutjob he is now to a hero among men and good-humored women. He could have ended this ridiculous election fraud charade he and Trump are playing and become the man who farted in the face of government authority and said “aah”. But he failed. No good republican can ever forgive this. In fact, nobody should forgive him. Mel Brooks must be turning over in his grave.
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Well look at that. I went elsewhere to catch upn news and I find out ole Rudy has covid, the hoax flu. Probably caught at the WH.
I too have used well-timed flatulence to disgust my mom. This was self-made armpit farts to see who could do them better, my dad or I 🙂 I’m sorry but fart noises are never not funny. That being said, my favorite Gulliani deal is Kate McKinnon on SNL, cannot stand the real one at all. Joe Biden said it best when he termed noun verb 9-11 being Rudy’s to go motto.
Rudy has forfeited all of the kudos he received from his handling of 9/11. He went from “America’s Mayor” to “America’s Mad Man.”
This is another story that is ripe for the “Gang that Couldn’t shoot straight.” Looked at in a few years for its incompetence can be a funny point of view, it is Keystone Kops in politics. Imagine Abbot and Costello’s “Whose on First” routine but “Whose Chief of Staff”.