The Fish Are Happy In Brexit Britain

by Neil Bamforth

It was established quite some time ago that I am no fan of The European Union. I am a fan of Europe in general, just not the political union side of things. A centrally governed Europe would be a huge government and, the bigger the government the greater the likelihood of corruption and incompetence, and so on.

So. I leaned towards Brexit. I leaned so far towards Brexit I required something to hold onto to avoid falling over.

I did not, however, vote for it. I wanted to. I felt like I should, but I didn’t. My daughter asked me not to, so I didn’t.

My wife voted ‘Remain’ too for the same reason. She’s not overly bothered, one way or the other, about the EU, but favored leaving.

I’ve never said “No” to my daddy’s girl since the day she was born, so I wasn’t starting then. We both rather gritted our teeth and put our ‘X’ in the ‘Remain’ box.

I was surprised and, I have to say, pleased when ‘Leave’ won the referendum. I’d got what I thought I wanted and pleased my daughter. It was a ‘win-win’ for me.

At the moment I’m a wee bit alarmed. At the moment I’m also a wee bit relieved. Relieved I listened to my daughter. No, It didn’t stop Brexit but at least it makes sure, if it all goes pear-shaped, that I don’t have to feel guilty.

Of course, we’re only a couple of weeks into it so, in fairness, further down the line when the dust has settled, it might well turn out to be all fine and dandy. I hope so.

An EU law stated that the maximum working week was 48 hours long. The government has now scrapped that and replaced it with 60 hours per week.

Their reason is that it provides more flexibility for employers and employees. I don’t believe it.

I was a union rep and then union convenor in a past life. I know exactly what most employers want. They want it all their own way for the minimum of pay. I am far from impressed.

I will miss the ease of traveling to Europe without immigration and passports and stuff.

A trip to East Germany, of fond memory, being a case in point. Now, it would be a great deal more complicated.

We flew out to Eisenburg in Eastern Germany for a gymnastics international my daughter was competing in. The huge arena had no facilities whatsoever apart from toilets and a machine selling water and sweets. The arena was in the middle of a field in the middle of nowhere.

At the entrance were two German chaps who, as they were East German, could only speak German or Russian. They had set up a BBQ. Just basic. Burgers and sausages.

My wife sent me to get two burgers. Through sign language, I hit it off with the two Germans and one produced two cases of miniature flavored Schnapps bottles. We finished the lot in 40 minutes.

I returned with the burgers with Carol wondering why I’d been away so long.

She looked at me and said, “We’re in the middle of a field in East Germany, in an arena with no facilities barring toilets, and you manage to get drunk!!! HOW do you do it?????”

See. I like Europe.

Brexit has wobbled quite a bit in the first couple of weeks. Will it get better? Will it be successful? No idea. We can but hope.

Anyway. There are two pluses for me if Brexit bombs.

Firstly, I voted ‘remain’. Reluctantly yes, but I did. Therefore it isn’t my fault so ner ner ne ner ner.

Secondly, Conservative Minister, Jacob Rees-Mogg, stated in The House of Commons, (seriously he did), that “British fish are happy fish” – in reference to the English Channel and restrictions on what EU boats can now catch in British waters.

‘British fish are happy fish’ he said.

I must say, when I went to my two ponds to ask the fish whether they were happy, they seemed a little non-comital.

Perhaps they are waiting to see whether Brexit works, or not, as well?

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