Shirley Donuts and Why Jesus Hates Dogs

Read Time:3 Minute, 29 Second
Shirley Donuts must have missed this picture…Pic by JDW.

by Michael John Scott

I enjoy walking my dogs, although not necessarily in this stifling heat, which, for me, is anything over 75 degrees.  This morning I elected to walk Axel downtown as I hadn’t actually been there since Pandemic Day One so I thought it would make for a nice change from my neighborhood walk.

Axel is a nice dog, and he looks like a nice dog, anxious to say hello and certainly posing no threat to the general population, although he and Malakai, my other Belgian Malinois may pose a threat to my health because of all the exercise these guys require.

On this day, I’m walking down the street enjoying the now populated outdoor dining tables, and nodding to the summer students, when one walked up and asked if she could pet my dog.  Naturally, I said yes, and thanked her, Aliyah, for asking.  No doubt Axel would thank her if he could although he rewarded her with deeply appreciative looks as she got right into the petting and ear scratching.

Standing next to Aliyah was another young woman, who looked on with disgust, making no attempt to hide her contempt of her friend’s dedication to dog petting.  It was clear she was trying too hard not to give voice to her unhappiness, but she couldn’t quite manage it, shaking her head, and blurting out: “you know dogs are filthy right?”

Naturally, I was less than pleased at this stranger casting aspersions upon my dog, but before I could erupt in fury, Aliyah told me to ignore ‘Shanice’ who didn’t like dogs because she was afraid of them.  Of course, but no matter, the two of them wandered off, deep into conversation, and Axel was preparing to meet his next new ‘friend.’

This encounter, curiously enough, reminded me of one morning in the dark heart of the Deep South, Georgia, when I stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts for one of those fancy, calorie-laden cups of coffee.  The young blonde woman, despite being devoid of makeup, was beautiful.  She was waiting to help me at the drive-up window offering a bright smile and taking my order.  While waiting she struck up a conversation, by saying that she hated all animals, but liked my dogs, which were, of course, with me.

I was taken aback.  This attractive teen who seemed so sweet had said something I would not have expected, despite the Christian cross hanging from her neck, so I asked her why she hated all animals.  I should have known what was coming but I needed to pass the time anyway, so why not just ask?

Her name, which I will never forget, was Shirley, like Shirley Maclaine, that wonderful 60’s actress who I ‘met’ for the first time in that marvelous movie with Jack Lemmon, The Apartment, and have loved ever since.  Unfortunately, the Dunkin’ Donuts Shirley didn’t carry herself the same as ‘my’ Shirley, and no doubt was saying things my Shirley would have never said.

Anyway, Shirley Donuts proceeded to inform me that Jesus thought animals were filthy, dirty creatures who had no souls and were created solely to serve man, who could do with them as they wished. Jesus! Of course, it’s always about Jesus in that Deep South Black Heart.

Again, I wasn’t shocked; having lived in the black heart of Christianity for about 10 years and nothing that came from the mouths of the “evangelicals” surprised me. Then again, this type of Christian crazy(most Christians don’t buy into this type of nonsense) has a tendency to fill one with a sad, and lazy despair when this vile garbage comes from the mouths of babes.

Finally, my fancy coffee arrived, and I asked Shirley Donuts why she excluded my dogs from Jesus’ teaching and she said it was because she liked me and knew I would only have things Jesus loved.

And that’s that, although I must remember to tell you about my experience with the Jesus doctors of South Georgia, however, that’s for another time.

About Post Author

Professor Mike

Professor Mike is a left-leaning, dog loving, political junkie. He has written dozens of articles for Substack, Medium, Simily, and Tribel. Professor Mike has been published at Smerconish.com, among others. He is a strong proponent of the environment, and a passionate protector of animals. In addition he is a fierce anti-Trumper. Take a moment and share his work.
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %
5 1 vote
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of

4 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
2 years ago

Another good one Mike. Shirley Donuts may have learned something from you.

2 years ago

Religion tends to dehumanize non-members – humans and animals. Makes it easier to kill them and enslave them.

Of course I think the idea of immortal souls is ridiculous, as you would expect, but most of us do have some kind of a romantic idea of a personal essence: a center of love and compassion. Who has that more than a dog? But sure, the idea that there is a “Christian” soul that has far more value than a heathen soul or a Jewish soul, if those can be considered to have one. God doesn’t care about the heathens. He hates the Jews. But the idea that animals as a whole are dirty and repulsive. is not scriptural. Some animals certainly are, others are not and it’s all written out. In one of the Hebrew flood stories in fact, “clean animals” were taken about 6 X 6 and unclean ones 2 X 2. Not all animals are unclean, but as being devout means NOT actually studying that book or books, anything goes.

2 years ago

HA!! Mike you’ve a talent for this stuff. When you told me you were over politics on MMA you weren’t kidding. Bravo, and may we all shed the virus of religion sooner rather than later.

Last edited 2 years ago by Professor Mike
Previous post Finding Dragon Man—An Entirely New Species Perhaps?
Next post Praise Jesus the Price of Paint Won’t Go Up
4
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x