Crazy Louie Gohmert: Climate Action Would Force Us To Brush Our Teeth With Bark

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by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing

How the hell did Republican Louie Gohmert of Texas ever become a member of the House of Representatives? Did he collect the most Froot Loops box tops in his district? Did our reptilian alien overlords take a sudden liking to him halfway through eating his brain? Did he run against a seagull crapping in a bag of Ruffles?

I really want to know, because something here just isn’t right. God forbid he ever needs a brain transplant because krill don’t live very long outside of water. I’d suggest he get a vasectomy to protect us from the creeping contagion of his corn nuts, but his doctor would almost certainly give him one of those acrylic head cones to keep him from licking his stitches, and you simply can’t brook such lurid spectacles on the House floor.

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Professor Mike

Professor Mike is a left-leaning, dog loving, political junkie. He has written dozens of articles for Substack, Medium, Simily, and Tribel. Professor Mike has been published at Smerconish.com, among others. He is a strong proponent of the environment, and a passionate protector of animals. In addition he is a fierce anti-Trumper. Take a moment and share his work.
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Bill Formby
2 years ago

His constituents must be the dumbest people on earth.

Glenn R Geist
2 years ago

Oh yes, Gohmert Pile. No surprise. One wonders how much petroleum it takes to keep the world’s teeth clean and bright. It’s just a guess but I’m guessing the percentage of all that’s produced is pretty small and a process is under development for making polyesters independently of crude oil, since it uses ethylene as its feedstock. But I wish this man’s gross lack of general knowledge weren’t so common in government (or in the genpop.)

Some of them have these nice degrees from nice schools, but don’t really know very much at all, having lived without any necessity of knowing what a 4 year old knows.

We seem to be very upset about standardized tests in schools, but couldn’t we please have some kind of general knowledge test for congressmen. Even Disneyland has requirements to get on rides.

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