Bad Jesus and the Heaven-Hell Hopscotch of the Late Pat Robertson
In the ultimate irony, the late televangelist Pat Robertson, the controversial gadfly of Christian evangelicalism, who spent a lifetime passing judgment on the earthly, found himself at the golden gates of heaven. There was no celestial fanfare, no saintly welcoming committee, but only a rueful smile from Good Jesus.
“Pat, you can’t come in,” he said, shaking his head in a manner that suggested pity more than anger.
“What?!” Robertson sputtered, “But why? I’ve spread your word, defended your cause…”
The usually stern countenance of Good Jesus softened. “You see, Pat, your message got twisted somewhere along the line. Heaven’s a place for love, acceptance, and understanding, not condemnation.”
Outside the celestial periphery, a familiar figure in an unexpected place chuckled, the sound resonating like dark thunder across the ethereal plains. Bad Jesus, the misunderstood counterpart, resided outside the gleaming ramparts, a perpetual observer of heaven’s rejection.
“Looking for a way in, Pat?” Bad Jesus sneered, suppressing his laughter, “Maybe I can help.”
Reluctantly, Robertson turned to Bad Jesus. “Alright,” he said, feeling a pang of desperation, “what’s your advice?”
In hushed whispers, Bad Jesus fed him a plan, a Trojan Horse-styled attempt to enter heaven under disguise. What Robertson didn’t realize was that the coordinates he received were not the backdoor to Heaven but rather a shortcut to Hell.
Driven by a mix of desperation, ego, and fear, Robertson followed the directions to the fiery pits of Hell, where the glow of eternal fire cast eerie shadows on his face. As he stepped in, a roaring welcome echoed through the cavernous expanse. It was not the righteous or saintly that greeted him but the very souls he had castigated and condemned.
“Hell is not so different from your own pulpit, Pat,” said one, a wicked grin on his face. “Here, we know a thing or two about judgment.”
Strangely enough, in the blazing heart of Hell, Robertson found a perverse sense of familiarity. He had spent a lifetime condemning, and now, he was surrounded by the condemned, an ironic testament to his life’s work.
Back at Heaven’s gates, Good Jesus sighed and looked at Bad Jesus. “You think he’ll ever understand?”
Bad Jesus, watching Robertson’s descent with an inscrutable expression, chuckled. “In a realm where time is eternal, he’s got plenty of chances to try.”
In Hell, Robertson built his new kingdom among the damned. And high above, amidst the laughter of the righteous and the damned alike, an age-old lesson echoed through the afterlife – that judgment, too often mistaken for divine duty, leads not to Heaven’s gates but to Hell’s pits.
—Michael J. Scott
Featured image: OpenArt
Well, well well. Hell, if there is one, just got a bit more crowded did it not? Happening during PRIDE month the ultimate cosmic joke. Ok universe rule of 3. Can you please take Tony Perkins and well hell, I’ll let you decide 2 out of 3. I don’t want to be seen as being greedy.
Pat
Robertson
Is
Dead
Everyone. I saw that earlier somewhere. May have been Joe My god where some of us are asking for the next person on our list to be taken 🙂
I know who that next person is. I know your secret for it is as mine.