Where Have You Gone Dick Cheney?
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I just got back from the club and the general feeling was disappointment in former Vice President and all around good guy, Dick Cheney.
Our stock holdings are getting crushed. Especially our investment in Haliburton. Our operatives have put children waiting organ transplants at the back of the line specifically so Mr. Cheney could get hearts and livers and stay alive to manipulate our investments upward. He couldn’t even talk President Obama into another boots on the ground invasion to increase profits of our defense contractors. (Before the liberal hordes attack me for demanding welfare for corporations let me address that now: piss off you deadbeat scum. It’s okay when we do it because we create jobs like my friends at Walmart who graciously kicked mooching part timers of their health care roles so the Obamacare could pay for their healthcare. I see no hypocrisy at all.)
Fortunately we still have John McCain to do our bidding. We have substantial investments in Boeing and Lockheed/Martin so we need to sell planes the military says we don’t need to the government. Naturally my Tea Party friends demand we listen and obey whatever the military tells us and that’s good as long as the military agrees with us and we can make lots of money.
The good news is in 2016 we’ll have a new president. It really doesn’t matter if it’s one of our guys or Hillary Clinton because she will take whatever military actions she can to look macho. Hopefully that will include conquering Cuba and making the whole island a Guantanamo prison. My friends at Haliburton have a subsidiary that provides Islamic prison uniforms and laundry services so that will help our bottom line. They’re terrorists but in the interests of humanity I see no reason not to dress them in Muslim garb so we can say how tolerant we are.
Of course if our guy wins, and right now we’re thinking Jeb Bush, don’t let his kind and gentle demeanor fool you. He’s a dupe. Cheney will be running things (We have plenty of organs waiting for him) we’ll be even better off. That’s providing Mr. Cheney gets off his ass and maneuvers us a nice ground war soon. We have yachts and islands to buy Mr. Cheney. You’ve been slacking.
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Yours and the morals and true attractiveness of females in general will increase exponentially when you accept my guidance and your trampy women’s magazines like Cosmopolitan stop printing articles on the myth of the female orgasm and only promote the Pat Robertson approved sex act of missionary position with all lights off and hands not touching anything.
Now that and complimenting a well cooked meal are how to really satisfy a woman.
Sorry ladies. Reverend Robertson and I are spoken for.
Joe, if Cheney ever does reappear I don’t know if his organs or all the ones you have out back for him will last long enough. I will never wish ill will on anyone but the last time I did see him he really did not look that well. He and J.C., John McCain have had a good run but I am thinking that their real power days are about over. You war mongers need to find another champion. On the other hand Joe, why not you. I would vote for you.
There is talk of running me for something once I get the internet scrubbed of all the liberal stuff I used to post. Not that my side cares about hypocrisy as long as we say the shit the base wants to hear.
I’m thinking with your experience in shaming the ladeez, you would be a shoo in for something like Executive in charge of pink wiggly things or maybe something like anti vice and morality squad leader** like they have in the middle eastern places Joe. I know I have felt the shame when you grace me with your words of wisdom for my betterment and that the menz around me will appreciate me being a subservient woman doing what they tell me to.
signed, Joe Hagstrom’s trampy friend Jess or Mz TJF to shorten it all.
**Comes with a really cool outfit and decoder ring
We need to get Romney to work on his bitchface Jess. I think he could win if he perfected it. Our base of bigots, homophobes, idiots and kooks demands verification of it’s candidates hatred of whatever shit they hate. Best way to do this is reinforce subtle hatespeech with a mean look.
Dman but do I hate this guy Cheney. He has the worst case of resting bitch face I have seen and I have seen myself in a photo doing my own resting bitch face and it’s bad.
My pal saw him serving in a local cafe…I think Elvis was doing the cooking 😉
Dick’s girls have the right touch of meanness that turns republican men on. There’s a gal named Ernst running for senator in Iowa who’s a real meannie. I plan on doing an article about her next. She hates everyone beneath the one percent. A real sex goddess she is to us.
Joe I can see why you love her. She is indeed one mean bitch who serves the party well 🙂
I love this Joe. Dick Cheney is certainly the Darth Vader of our time, and his daughters would be the “Vaderettes.”