An Englishman Continues To Insist He Doesn’t Hate Liberals While Hating Liberals

by Neil Bamforth

I told my wife that a lot of you insist I hate Liberals and she said “You hate everyone and everything if you’re in the mood, except animals, me and our daughter. You don’t discriminate. If you decide to hate you’re an equal hater”. I think she was joking – up to a point. She was also wrong. I never hate I just occasionally dislike, rant, feel pissed off with or about or, in general, laugh at. Hate is only in my vocabulary because I can spell it.

Mind you, your repeated suggestion that I hate liberals has actually made me consider your perspective. Not surprisingly really, as I’m not quite as daft as you think (sometimes), I’ve concluded that, not for the first time, you are incorrect.

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I would like to point out that I am wrong so often it’s actually quite nice when someone else is for a change.

The reason you are wrong is because there is no such thing as liberalism just as there is no such thing as fascism or conservatism or any other ‘ism’ you care to mention.

What there is, however, are variations on a general theme. Sometimes the variations are so extreme as to make it almost impossible to recognise the similarities between two that purport to be the same.

That, perhaps, is where your belief in my hatred of liberals stems from.

If I now went on to write a dissertation regarding liberalism, neo-liberalism, radical liberalism, social liberalism and so many many other forms of liberalism A) You would lose the will to live and B) I would lose the will to live so, I hope, you will be relieved to learn I won’t follow that path.

How can I make this brief and to the point?

OK.

I have recently read a sort of autobiography of Fidel Castro – I mentioned it recently. I enjoyed it on the whole. I believed some of it – the CIA’s exploding cigars had to be believed in the interests of the surreal existing. Castro, on a couple of occasions, suggested his regime was liberal.

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I’m sure you would say it wasn’t as, indeed, I would, but he clearly believed it.

Castro also waffled on about the neo-liberal global economy which, he assured readers, was a very bad thing. Personally, albeit I tried hard, I had no idea and still have no idea what the fuck a neo-liberal global economy is. What ever it is, according to Castro, it is a very bad thing.

He may be right or he may be wrong but, if he happens to be right, then that’s a ‘liberal’ named thing that is bad.

If it isn’t bad, or, come to that, if it is bad, then by all means explain to me in words I can comprehend what the hell it is.

Now, if I carry on into the territory of radical or social liberalism and so on the will to live will be leaving us all shortly I suspect so, on the grounds you can do the work for me and just Google it all I will leave off here.

On, perhaps, more secure ground, I do know what liberalism in Britain means.

It means people who support a political party that briefly shared power with the Conservatives and, at the next election, were almost completely obliterated. Unfairly I thought as their presence in government stopped the conservatives from being too extreme which has to be a good thing.

I thought the British electorate particularly unkind to thank them by obliterating them. Still, life’s a bitch eh?

So, what do British liberals stand for? That, my friends, is where my thoughts on liberals come from. Not from you, you are American and, as I’ve clearly seen and read, the similarity between American and British liberals exists but, at times, does not.

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British liberals continue to insist that all measures should be taken to prevent Britain leaving the European Union. Whilst it may prove a disastrous decision it is a decision taken democratically by the British people. To deny them the right to take a chance on possibly screwing up their country is not democratic.

We, the British people, are quite entitled to fuck up democratically and no political party is entitled to try and stop us. The Liberals are trying to stop us so they are not behaving democratically. (Sensibly possibly but democracy and sense are not necessarily intertwined. Trump’s election proving the point).

Britain’s previous liberal leader, Nick Clegg, promised that university students fees would be scrapped before then voting to increase them once he was sharing power with the conservatives.

Britain’s current liberal leader – I forget the idiot’s name – has a permanent smile. He has one of those faces that you would so dearly like to slap.

Another previous liberal leader – Paddy Ashdown – stated on live TV that he would ‘eat his hat’ if Britain voted to leave the EU. He has yet to carry out his promise. (Actually I mailed him and offered one of my pork pie hats. He failed to reply)

British liberals, in general, regularly state that ‘immigration is great for Britain’. When questioned about how a relatively small island can sustain uncontrolled immigration they invariably start waffling on about foreign doctors and nurses and so forth ignoring the clear fact that with controlled immigration said doctors and nurses would still be here.

That stance is, at best, disingenuous and, at worst, clear propaganda.

So you see America, in Britain, our version of liberals are far from popular. They were all but wiped out in the last general election – and regardless of my disdain for many of them I do think that was very unfair as they actually did a good job of restraining the more extreme conservatives whilst in government – but they aren’t you.

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They are intrinsically British.

Certainly they will share liberal values with you and, indeed, I share liberal values with them and you.

The environment should be preferred to ‘progress at all costs’. The environment must be protected at all costs for future generations let alone the wildlife and so forth.

They are liberal values across much of the globe and I actually share them.

So. I don’t ‘hate’ liberals. I can only look at ‘liberals’ in Britain. They are, on the whole, idiots much of the time. Not always I grant you but, sadly, much of the time they are.

Your version of liberal will undoubtedly share many values with British liberals – after all, you are just as entitled to be idiots as they are! – as am I!

The thing is, you are also very different in as many ways as you are similar. You might be quite surprised to know that, according to his autobiography (well it sort of was – more a mega long interview really) Castro actually espoused many views shared by British liberals and American liberals. He might have been lying but, on the other hand?

Telling me I hate liberals is a bit like telling me I hate curry.

I’ve had curries I liked, curries I disliked, curries I loved and curries I hated (and refused to pay for on one occasion it was so bad and I’ll usually eat anything)

Forget hate. Negative emotion. Waste of time and energy. Try dislike or disagree or pisses me off or something then you’re in.

I’m a liberal fascist communist conservative religious athiest socialist right wing left wing melting pot.

I don’t discriminate. I hate and love all of you equally. Depends on my mood. Ask the wife. She’ll tell you. Poor woman has had to put up with me for 30 odd years. Trust me, I’m from Oldham. She knows the truth. Good job she’s kept it to herself or I’d have been locked up years ago.

Mind you. Crack on. Knock me down I get back up again. Story of my life really and loved every minute even when I didn’t know I did. I feel a mellow liberal mood coming on. Oh no! I must need another beer!

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