Halal Slaughter Not For The Squeamish

A running joke in England for the last few weeks relates to Denmark banning ‘halal’ meat. Their decision was heavily criticized by Jewish leaders as banning ‘halal’ included banning ‘kosher’ as, apparently, the method of killing the animal is pretty much the same. If that’s incorrect then pardonne moi but that’s the gist.

Jewish leaders called Denmark ‘anti-semitic’ whilst Islamic leaders called them ‘anti-Islamic’.

Well, that’s one way to stop Muslims and Jews killing each other eh? Just stop them killing their sort of meat their way, they join forces and HEY PRESTO it’s peace in the middle east. Chew on that one Tony Blair Middle East Peace Envoy (if you’ll pardon the awful pun).

The ‘running joke’ incidentally relates to the Paul Simon hit of yesteryear ‘Call Me Al’. The joke goes that a cover version is number 1 in the Denmark pop charts with the words :

“If you’ll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Halal”

Well, it was quite funny the first time you heard it. Well it was if you’d drunk copious amounts of Bud anyway.

On the back of Denmark’s decision has come an alarming report today that many British supermarkets are selling meat that is ‘halal’ without telling anyone.

Now I know before you say it. If you like a bacon buttie or three – actually, come to think about it, perhaps not bacon. Well, if you like your roast beef then what does it matter? Actually it matters a great deal.

Vegetarians will disapprove of my meat eating tendencies I know but, as a meat eater, I disapprove of halal and kosher meat purely due to the ‘killing method’. Whilst this disapproval may not raise my status in vegetarian eyes one jot my disapproval is no less than theirs is to my meat eating tendencies.

Providing the animal is stunned into unconsciousness prior to slaughter then I doubt it matters much how said animal is slaughtered. The animal is unconscious therefore feels no pain and, therefore, salves the meat eaters conscience as they tuck into their beef burger.

I’m led to believe that many Muslims and Jews are quite happy for the animal to be stunned into unconsciousness prior to slaughter but the more ardent Muslims certainly – I don’t know about the kosher side to be honest – believe the animal should have it’s throat cut and bleed to death as an Imam recites a prayer over it’s still thrashing body.

I have heard the argument that a skilled halal slaughter man can cut an animals throat painlessly and it dies painlessly and instantly. Once again, pardonne moi for not believing one word of this gibberish. If you would care to wander over to YouTube and type in ‘halal slaughter’ you will understand why even an ardent meat eater such as myself feels too squeamish to watch for very long as a cow trapped in a cage moos and thrashes about for over 10 minutes as the blood pumps out of its throat.

I never thought of a cows ‘moo’ as a pitiful sound before I watched this. The fear in its eyes still haunts me.

British supermarkets in or near to populations that have a high Muslim contingent decided that selling halal meat meant all their customers would buy it and, of course, it was cheaper than having a separate freezer section just for halal.

Unfortunately for them the ‘cat is now out of the bag’ – as far as I know cats aren’t part of the halal argument – and ordinary people or, my version of ordinary people i.e. non-Muslim as Britain isn’t a Muslim country, are up in arms in protest that supermarkets are behaving in this way.

It is quite plausible that I have eaten part of a cow that spent it’s final moments mooing in terror and agony as some Imam said a prayer although I’m sure the cow would have been comforted as the blood spurted out of it’s jugular vein by said prayer. NOT.

We can’t control what happens in other countries but, surely, we can control what happens in our own country and the slaughter of animals in this way is barbaric. Yes, I know if you’re a vegetarian you’ll say the slaughter of animals for meat is all barbaric. I respect that but I like my bacon butties so, with respect, shut up.

Human’s are naturally carniverous. Being occasionally intelligent sentient beings we can make the decision to be vegetarian although our bodies may cry ‘give me a ham sandwich’ occasionally we can, if we so choose, stay away from meat.

I choose to eat meat but I, like most British citizens, want my conscience salved by the knowledge that the animal contents of my roast dinner didn’t suffer prior to arriving in my oven and then on my plate. That’s the way it is in western society.

Islam and, as they’ve piped up about the Denmark business, I assume Judaism apparently have other ideas.

Not in Britain you don’t chaps and chapesses. In Britain ALL slaughtered animals MUST be stunned into unconsciousness prior to slaughter. That’s the way we want it and that’s the way it has to be.

If you want your meat the other way then, by all means, go and live somewhere it’s acceptable.

Sainsbury’s, Tesco’s, Morrisons, Aldi, Lidle and all supermarket chains in Britain take note.

If I find out I’ve partaken of halal from one of your supermarkets without being aware then I will be popping along to share an understanding with you.

Right. Off to make our dinner. Roast beef dear?

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